| Sunday, November 30, 2003 |
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“We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.”
- Carlos Casteneda
it's only 11:50am and i already crossed off most of my to-do list for the day. I'll be here till around 7pm...sigh. But dream interpretation should be good tonight. I looked through my dream journal and found three dreams about the deliberate bastard and two prophetic dreams about friends. The last and longest one about the bastard (i should really change his name already...)was so vivid and i can still remember all the colors and details. Prof. Morato mentioned this morning that if a dream is like that, it is usually prophetic. I can only hope. Just remember that dreams are not always about other people no matter how they act or seem like in the dream. They are reflections or signifiers of yourself and how you feel...which you may not have yet acknowledged in the waking world.
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posted by maldita @ 8:07 PM
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From the reader's personality quiz in the Inquirer:
Oh boy, why am I not surprised. Based on your answers, I say you are a
PAPERBACK JUNKIE.
If only you were to submit to the idea that paper is biodegradable therefore is also digestible, your friends would have sworn you have already eaten half of your library. Several times you have dreamt of being a character in a fiction tale, oftentimes emerging as the archetypal hero. You have a book list, and it’s the first thing you’ll rescue must your house burn down to flames. Good thing you’ve also read about fire prevention. Keep up the healthy reading habit. You’ll reach the stars! Read more. Be more.
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| posted by maldita @ 7:39 PM
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The problem with staying home on a Saturday night is that your head starts spinning into a spiral of uncertainty, paranoia, and stretches of loneliness. I am usually relieved by the company of my brother but last night he decided to gallivant with friends. If I had known earlier that he went to the book fair in Rockwell, I would have dislodged my butt from the computer chair and squandered away my dad’s credit card budget on pieces of literary escape.
Instead I sit and stare at my map of the world. I should be finishing my MRR so that it will be done in time for Friday’s deadline - then again I am but a premier procrastinator. So here I go once more, gazing at the twists and turns of gray that dance in the liquid air. In between puffs and sips of rum-spiked iced tea (yes, I already told you I am an alcoholic) I wonder where the next few months will take me. January to May will be like a zephyr and I fantasize of the places I will experience. Various locations I will engulf like “kami-fuckmes, cure-my-rant vodkas, screw-you-drivers and bum cokes.”
“UH-OH” goes my computer screen and I rush to see who else is awake at 3am. Ah the Zigmeister in London. Not really an insomniac, in his timezone he’s actually at work bored as hell. He just returned from his native Bilbao and is still in misty la-la-land. I can’t wait. To pave the trail and take the roads less taken, especially by a Corporate whore/MBA graduate who presumably desires his or her tuition ROI within days after graduating. Do I have the audacity to ignore all that for a few years to cultivate something I’m unsure of? I wonder – ironically giving the analogy of driving behind the wheel - I wonder how it feels to force the gas pedal down like a heavy rock and speeding out of control. Or driving with nowhere to go. Sounds liberating, and dangerous. Coward.
Some people react before thinking. Some people punch then ask questions later. I speak then kick myself in the morning. I thought I had nothing to lose…by being honest and letting it go. What a dim-witted thought. In all other aspects I am a coward, but when it comes to sentiment I am like that car with no brakes. Self-extension, intensity and impulse are my calling cards. Maybe this is just my addiction to beating the odds. Wearing your heart on your sleeve is like gambling…with everything to lose.
Dream Interpretation session is scheduled tomorrow at 6pm. I’ve been trying to interpret my own dreams for the past months. I write them down as soon as I wake up, which could explain my consistent tardiness for 8am classes. Jung and Freud perceive dreams to be “transfers of random short-term memory traces into the categories of long-term memory” and some lightly call them exaggerations of insights from our waking state. Yes, I had dreamt of the deliberate bastard once. Everytime I read my dream journal I have a new elucidation to revel in. Lately I’ve come to perceive it as the significance of our interlude’s duration. I cannot say that my longest relationship is the “love of my life” simply because of its extent. I can speak of transitory affairs that have been replete with fervor and intensity amidst its fleeting reality. Quote cliché of quality versus quantity…my dream of the bastard reminds me that everything will end ultimately but I just hope I made some kind of dent in his life or I contributed to some of the intensification he has been seeking for. I dream…rather I hope that I will not be a forgotten like the flicker of a light.
“I draw it in, then exhale
The orange flickers tickle vision
Engulf a cancer through my lips
Like your sweetness, my absorption.”
- taken from the poem I wrote for the reading session last Nov.24 |
| posted by maldita @ 6:56 AM
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Take the drinkometer test
Here are my results:
No. of drinks you have consumed: 8351.2
Amount of money you have spent: 50107.2 pounds ($80171.52)
You are rated: Homer Simpson
Mmmm beer. The case of - and the solution to - all of life’s problems. But we know at heart you are just a family person. Not a bad effort though.
With those results you could:
Fill this many bath tubs: 19.27
Buy this many Ferraris: 0.5
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| posted by maldita @ 12:06 AM
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| Saturday, November 29, 2003 |
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My new favorite song...since last night when i heard it on the radio in debbie's car on our way to Capones...
This is My World by Darius Rucker
Shallow Hal soundtrack
The look on your face, It could never explain your heart
And the touch of my lips, it could never tell u my thoughts
And you want me to change
I can't get used to all you want me to be
I just can't pretend to be anyone else cuz it's not really me
This is my world. This is who I am. And I'm not gonna give up myself to make your life better
And if it's love that we share
Then we can withstand all the obstacles that life brings forth
And I will receive you for who you are who you were
And baby who you will be
This is my world
This is who I am
And I'm not trying to give up myself
To make your life better, now
She said...This is how it is. I got my own life to live. And U can either accept me or baby let me go
You said I promise you the stars and I'm giving you all I can now
You said love is not enough and I knowyou will see
If your life turns around in my heart there is room for u
This is my world, my world...Baby let me go
Oh, this is who I am, where I live, got my own life to give
Oh, oh oh, my world
I'm not trying to change u. This is who I am
Please let me be me, yeah |
| posted by maldita @ 8:02 AM
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Rollercoaster
Words and Music by Ben Watt
I still haven't got over it even now. I want to spend huge amounts of time on my own.
I don't want to cause any serious damage. I want to make sure that I can manage,
because I'm not really in your head,
I'm not really in your head.
And I see love and disaffection and the clouds build up and won't pass over.
This is my road to my redemption and my life is just an image of a rollercoaster anyway.
When you sky falls to minus zero, well some things must dissappear.
Oh this is my road to my redemption.
And my life is just an image of a rollercoaster anyway.
The names may have been changed but the faces are the same
The names may have been changed but as people we're not the same.
And I'm not, no I'm not, no I'm not really in your head.
And my life is just an image of a rollercoaster anyway.
Yeah, my life is just an image of a rollercoaster anyway.
I like EBTG's Amplified Heart album. |
| posted by maldita @ 6:14 AM
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| Friday, November 28, 2003 |
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i initially had a very angry, bitchy post here about one of, if not the biggest mistakes of my life. but decided to delete it instead. what's the point? if there's anything my fabulous baguio baker boys have taught me, it's that life is good. They're the best evidence of this. so to that self-righteous bastard(did that slip out?), i'll get my revenge through karma. hahahahahahaha!
note: this is not about the deliberate bastard. this is a new reference and will be the last one on the self-righteous bastard. |
| posted by maldita @ 12:53 AM
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| Thursday, November 27, 2003 |
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very interesting quotes...
"A man is known by the company his mind keeps." - Thomas Bailey Aldrich, poet and short story writer
"I have never known any distress that an hour's reading did not relieve." - Montesquieu, French political philosopher
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| posted by maldita @ 7:43 PM
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| Wednesday, November 26, 2003 |
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the men who attended this last night must have been so happy...
although i heard cindy kurleto was a no-show. shucks for you! she was who everyone was waiting for
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| posted by maldita @ 11:08 PM
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now i feel very embarassed...
the bastard had just informed me that he has read my blog. and knows who i'm talking about. uh-oh. |
| posted by maldita @ 9:48 AM
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| Tuesday, November 25, 2003 |
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the parallel life that is AIM...
here our day is not divided into hours but in an hour + 20 minutes per class
we possess the last smoking paradise in makati called the zen garden
we withstand ever minute here by sipping on cups of coffee
a thirty page case is not an unusual 30minute past time
although our corneas have already diminished in capacity
wearing a jacket in the heat of manila summer is logical
our airconditioners are incapable of being temperature controlled
CAN group meetings are but a glimpse into hell
everyone needs their nameplates unless they prefer to remain ungraded
holidays are not familiar to us, except for diwali, the festival of lights
there is a ninety percent mortality rate for couples with outside partners
those who persist will most likely end at the altar
the grapevine is as short as a cherry stem,
we live for whatever excitement these walls provide.
there is a myth that no one drinks as much as we do
but the legend lives on in our parties and gatherings.
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| posted by maldita @ 11:54 PM
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i think this song was playing when i was crying on your shoulder last week...
ooh it must be magic how inside your eyes i see my destiny
everytime we kiss i feel you give your love inside of me
if the moon and stars should fall they'd be easy to replace
i will you lift you up to heaven and you would take their place
...when i opened up the door, i saw red
my heart just spilled down on the floor
and i didn't need to see his (her) face
i saw yours, i saw red and then i closed the door.
i don't think i'm going to love you anymore.
everyday i wake up i thank God that you are still a part of me
we've opened up the door to where so many people never find the key...
- "I Saw Red" by Warrant |
| posted by maldita @ 9:51 AM
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| i want to read the Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin, simply because she could be a kindred soul...proud of her dishonesty which could be considered a revelation of unpretentiousness, the first woman who had the gall to speak of eroticism - which is still presently regarded as male domination even with television series' such as Sex and the City - and finds her strength in the attachment to men. Sounds like a walking contradiction, isn't she? But who can deny the passion that she blithely acts upon? and who can hate her for it... |
| posted by maldita @ 8:45 AM
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ah the sordid tale of unrequited love.why do we keep on telling ourselves that things will work out for the best and that destiny will make sure of that yet still persist to pursue the unattainable? i read my poem from last night's wine and cheese party which talks about my consistent obsession and controlling nature. Some girls said they wanted to cry when i spoke of this unquenchable need to deny what the universe has already predetermined. it could just have been the wine.
i am about to finish engulfing my last cigarette stick from my pack-of-the-day. Not a good sign. I'm still contemplating on what i could have said on the phone last night to the deliberate bastard. I only know that we both made calls to each other but have a hard time deciphering if i said anything that can be undone by plausible denial.
taken from ernan's blog
"Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter quite like unrequited love." - Charlie Brown |
| posted by maldita @ 3:06 AM
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i just discovered something...between discussions with supersonny,loverboy, matsushita and spicoli i just found out that they apparently think i look like Lilo from Lilo & Stitch! how come no one ever told me? well, i know i'm just a big a brat as she is. hehe! |
| posted by maldita @ 1:39 AM
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| Monday, November 24, 2003 |
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had too much wine last night. having a hard time getting up today. can hardly remember what i told the bastard last night on the phone. just remembered i left my frank sinatra double cd with the sound systems guy and my wine bottle opener on the table. hope the lost and found has it.
not even a cup of coffee can help. or iced tea. or orange juice. i'm all liquid now. ugh. then cristina and waxie call me to tell me how much fun they are having in Tali. Geeeeez!... have a week and a half to finish this MRR and i can't even start writing. information overload! the others have even started defending already. Heard Baljit took more than 3 hours defending yesterday.
i need to get away again. and i'm becoming such an alcoholic! |
| posted by maldita @ 9:23 PM
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just finished watching Serendipity...for those who remember the movie: John Cusack played Jonathan Trager. His best friend wrote him an obituary which he read at those final minutes of the film...
"The greeks never wrote obituaries. They only asked one question after a man died: did he have passion."
"Jonathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soulmate and his fiancé. He was 35 years old. Softspoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side to his psyche. This hidden, quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit for his long reputed soulmate. A woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather it’s a tapestry of events that culminate into an exquisite and sublime plan. Ask about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky the Pulitzer prize winner and executive editor for the New York Times described Jonathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. Things were clearer for him, Kansky noted. Ultimately Jonathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call Fathom. What we currently refer to as Destiny."
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| posted by maldita @ 12:30 AM
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written this morning at around 2am
For the first time in 27 years, i baked a bad batch of oatmeal cookies. I can't believe it. But it happened today. I was supposed to give some to my bastard today when i saw him but i mistakenly put too much salt and the new oven didn't bake it the same way as the old one. Dammit! My surprise was ruined. I even went to the grocery on saturday just to get all the ingredients. Hey, if i wasn't going to see him, my classmates wouldn've been thrilled Monday during the poetry reading to engulf them all. I'll just buy them some Santi's yummies to go with the wine.
I'm swearing off men for a while. THERE i said it. Ok, i know some of you are going "nigga pleeeez!" as you read this but i've been thinking about it for a few weeks now. But i've done this before. Like an addict saying: i can quit anytime!but humor me. Amidst all this hopeless or hopeful romantic notions i've been deluding myself in for the past few months with bastard, ain't it time to just call it quits? next thing you know i'm singing "i'll never fall in love again" by Dionne Warwick in the background. Better than me humming to "Wishin and Hopin'" by Dusty Springfield right?
Since we're using all these songs...let me see...i've been living "I can't make you love me" duet by George Michael and Elton John for the past few weeks when he would probably say my song should be "Kissing a fool".
too many references...i'm going to bed.
you are far, when i could have been your star
you listen to people who scared you to death
and from my heart
strange that you were strong enough to even make a start
you'll never find a peace of mind till you listen to your heart
people you can never change the way they feel
better let them do just what they will,for they will
if you let them steal your heart from you
people will always make a lover feel a fool
but you knew i loved you.
we could have shown them all
we should have seen love through.
fooled me with the tears in your eyes
covered with kisses and lies
so bye but please don't take my heart
you are far, i'm never gonna be your star
i'll pick up the pieces and mend my heart
strange that i was wrong enough
to think that you'd love me too
you must've been kissing a fool
but remember this every other kiss
that you'll ever give s'long as we both will live
when you need a hand, or another man
when you really can't surrender it
i will wait for you like i always do
there's something there
that can't compare with any other
strange that i was wrong enough
to think you'd love me too
you must've been kissing a fool. |
| posted by maldita @ 12:27 AM
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| Sunday, November 23, 2003 |
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| That's it. i'm through with men. |
| posted by maldita @ 7:44 PM
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| Wednesday, November 19, 2003 |
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my dream man...
even more than chris cornell (sorry marc!hehe)
(ane, doesn't he look like someone we know? heehee! maldita talaga!) |
| posted by maldita @ 7:32 AM
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ain't it great to have control to "change your mind"? :) so long suckaaa!
Erase/Rewind by the Cardigans
Hey, what did you hear me say
You know the difference it makes
What did you hear me say
Yes, I said it's fine before
I don't think so no more
I said it's fine before
I've changed my mind
I take it back
Erase and rewind
'cause I've been changing my mind
I've changed my mind
So where did you see me go
It's not the right way, you know
Where did you see me go
No, it's not that I don't know
I just don't want it to grow
It's not that I don't know
I've changed my mind
I take it back |
| posted by maldita @ 6:52 AM
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| yippeedeedoodah...i just bought movie posters of Blade Runner and Pulp Fiction. Going to have them framed. it's getting harder to leave my room nowadays with so much eye candy! the simple pleasures... |
| posted by maldita @ 6:37 AM
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| Tuesday, November 18, 2003 |
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| having a string of bad days...in school, with the store...i really can't take criticism. i really suck at it. i really wanted to kick the table to the front of the classroom today. i am so riled up that i can't go to my class now. last class of the day. i need an outlet for this shit. thank God for blogger. |
| posted by maldita @ 5:53 PM
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| Monday, November 17, 2003 |
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PANIC BUTTON --- ON!
margie is currently running around like a headless chicken and is slowly going out of her mind. She needs to finish her Management Research Report (thesis for MBA) in 2 weeks. |
| posted by maldita @ 8:09 PM
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| Sunday, November 16, 2003 |
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One summer night
We ran away for a while
Laughing, we hurried beneath the sky
To an obscure place to hide
That no one could find
And we drifted to another state of mind
And imagined I was yours and you were mine
As we lay upon the grass there in the dark
(Young love) underneath the stars…
Weak in the knees
Wrapped in the warm gentle breeze
So shy, a bundle of butterflies
Flush with the heat of desire
On a natural high
As we drifted to another place in time
And the feeling was so heady and sublime
As I lost my heart to you
There in the dark
Underneath the stars
Beautiful and bittersweetly
You were fading into me
And I was gently fading into you
But the time went sailing by
Reluctantly we said goodbye
And left our secret places so far behind
And I lay in bed all night and I was drifting, drifting
And I was yours
And you were my own
My own baby
- “Underneath the stars” by Mariah Carey
Last Friday was surreal. So much happened. I can hardly remember much in my inebriated AND enamored state. Once you arrived everyone else in the room seemed so blurry. I only had eyes for you. And as we looked into each other’s eyes, sitting at that table, I could just feel my knees melt. And I said something I thought I would never do. I told you that if you waited a few more months I would leave with you. I meant every word. I can’t seem to remember what you said but I recall the tight hug and the kiss on my forehead. The thought of you leaving once seemed so near, now it seems so far away.
Debbie said she really thought we look good together. And she thinks it’s great when you make the effort to meet up with me wherever I am. I know I’m the last person you see and talk to before you go home to sleep.
After waking up at around 2pm last Saturday, I went straight to AIM to meet up with Aris to finish our CIE project. The last thing I expected was that you would call me, but it really made my day. A smile plastered on my face the rest of the evening until I went home. This is what I was telling you about being in love. You don’t need to see the person, just the thought of them is enough to make you happy. A “natural high”. And the thought of you makes me full of the giddy feeling. I didn’t get to see you, actually someone else visited me that night but it was ok. You were the last person I talked to, and said goodnight.
Sometimes I wonder…if you already know about this blog of mine. I never told you but you might have found it yourself. Hmmm…this always crosses my mind every time you jokingly call yourself a “bastard”.
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| posted by maldita @ 7:56 PM
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| Saturday, November 15, 2003 |
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since blogger was down last thursday, here's my entry for that date:
what is happening to my country?
Last night I had just come from a sales field trip with some guys from URC for my sales force management class. We were being detoured out of Paseo de Roxas because of the rally. It took us another 40+ minutes to get to AIM which was supposedly 5minutes away from detour point. When I got picked up by my driver to go home, we avoided it all by passing Edsa highway and through Rockwell. I had about an hour to get ready for my dinner with marc, frances and victor. Originally planned for Italliannis we settled for Cibo in Rockwell to avoid the traffic. By then there were already tons of stories coming from other friends about what happened in Makati. Some, who just wanted to catch a cab or a bus home from work in Philam had to go rushing back inside because the tear gas was still in the air.
I am one of the lucky few who have it good. My life is set up wherein I can actually avoid having to face these incidents simply by taking a different route with my car. Others have to be innocent bystanders with their eyes getting burned. Even more unfortunate are those who are in the middle of it all, who probably needed the money and were paid to rally in the streets and get the full brunt of the police force.
It’s all really sad.
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| posted by maldita @ 3:40 AM
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| Tuesday, November 11, 2003 |
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who are those hot japanese men in mariah's video with cam'ron? ooh lala!
speaking of videos...has anyone seen kylie's new video "slow"? i like it. and the song too. except she should've worn a better outfit. she's so covered by comparison to all the skimpy suited people around her!
from "burning up" by kylie
walking in solo, everyone drops
hey summer madness, totally cool
my heart starts racing when i see you
i'm burning baby, i'm burning baby
can you feel it burning now
my pulse starts pumping, a heart rebirth
if you drink me up, gonna quench your thirst
you're not that honest, no you're not that nice
but if you kiss me once, gonna kiss you twice
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| posted by maldita @ 8:17 AM
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it's a million little things.
i cannot stop watching my movies. take your pick: subject on pop culture, art films w POV realizations, old black & white classics, gore-filled thrillers, choreographed action, fantasy subdued with reality or historical references, animations, disney cartoons, even b-movie guilty pleasures. i always despised mushy love stories. One, you KNOW they'll end up together in the end. two, the formulas are just too fixed. three, i only like them when i'm in a relationship and can somehow find a parallelism. four, i may secretly wish the fabricated situations happened for real.
Take for example my favorite love story movies of all time: Love Affair, Someone Like You, About a Boy, High Fidelity, A Walk to Remember and How to Catch a Thief. They could be the cause of my fixation for bad men. in these stories, the characters are the least likely to be good to their women or loyal. but in the movies, they end up doing just that. Here you find the womanizers, the bums, the concieted rich kid, the man-already-attached.
But movies are my meditation. They help me to disconnect myself from the present-problem-inflicted world for even just an hour and a half. they relax my mind. they make me feel that anything is possible...and you don't even need to "just put your mind to it".
Ever wonder why you can't stop smoking either? it's my yoga trance. if one sees me as i smoke in my garden chair, you will see me in a variety of poses. one harder than the next. my legs just find their own place in every inch of my patio set. if my toe can hook on the little holes in the chair backing, and my whole leg can be supported by that toe i would probably have done that already. but give me time.
plus my mind wanders. I don't even need alcohol. I just detach from my body (which explains all the different positions i make) and contemplation begins. i wrote my best (and only) short story here.
everything that's happened. everything i wish for.
a million little things that make me whole. |
| posted by maldita @ 7:52 AM
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| Sunday, November 09, 2003 |
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sigh...where do i start? had an AMAZING party last night. after i woke up, i got to do some errands and continued to fix my room. I don't really want to start my 27th year with a messy room right? haha. Debbie came to pick me up at exactly 10pm to go to Capones. There we met jay and topsy. it was pretty steady and quiet for the first few hours. I was so happy when one group of friends came: sad & bene, riley & je (who came despite her 7-month pregnancy!), sarah, trina & ed. chancy and pong couldn't get out of another party but they were there in spirit. by midnight all my other close buds showed up: chris, waxie, tim, martin and other friends were there too like red, migs, abba and mica; victor, carlo and ian; aaron and jo;deeg and jm etc. even robbie and dondi followed at the wee hours and also bryan....aaaaaah! can my birthday get any more complete? all my closest friends over the years who have stuck by me through heaven and hell were there.
me, chris, debbie, waxie, topsy, richard and jay
ed, me, trins, sad, je, sarah, riley and bene
tim and martin
special thanks to jay and topsy for helping me organize the party in Capones, to tim and martin who took time for their busy skeds to be there and stay so late into the morning considering they had early wake up calls, to my dad and mom for sponsoring the johnny walker black label, artic strawberry, and to my bank account for topping off the night with kamikazes and rum cokes that got us all in our alpha states!
one letdown though was that i forgot to charge my camera's battery so i only had enough power to take three pics! but it's all good. got some good "rare" shots that i knew wouldn't have happened except on that night.
i also got calls and texts from people i haven't heard from in ages...such sweeties! you all know who you are :) and you know that you've made my life so much more special.
will post the pics here soon...and also some embarassing ones of me from last thursday in Capones. bwahahahahaha!
today the whole fam (my sister Trixie was even with us! a very rare occurrence yippeeedeedoodah) had our ritual of eating in Sugi for lunch and i got shocked when frances& marc came bringing balloons and a large bouquet of (my favorite flowers!) African daisies as their surprise birthday gift. (only those nearest and dearest know that i love surprises more than anything in the world...bec. i hardly get them) what they wrote on the card almost made me weep for joy. After that my brood and i closed the afternoon with Blue Mountain coffee in UCC at the fort. Meraviglioso!
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL BIRTHDAY...because i got to share with all these beautiful people.
last call of the day was from the deliberate bastard who just wanted to say goodnight. But with our without him, this birthday would still have surpassed any of my other celebrations. i just want to give a HUGE bear hug to everyone! :) |
| posted by maldita @ 8:53 AM
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| Saturday, November 08, 2003 |
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just finished one-half of my 4-day birthday celebration...i must say there's a lot that happened - and i have the pictures to prove it! haha...and the empty wallet too! but it's SO worth it...
last thursday night we all got together in Mustang to celebrate my birthday together with Vince's and the welcome party for the foreigners. A few drinks and lapdances later...we're all plastered and dancing till the morning. Everyone looks like they had tons of fun, the reggae band played excellent songs (thanks caloy!and the rest of La Cucarasta!) and even the shy people from the batch showed up. even the rain was not enought to stop us outside and our party just filled it all up inside...as i saw everyone again in school the next day, no one could help but giggle or comment about how some of us embarassed ourselves to bits! hahahaha!
ulrich (from austria), me and gregoire (from france)
me, ingrid, chris, norman, november, kg, gani, bong, jerome and mike (notice the mens' huge smiles!i wonder why hehe)
november, monique, anna, me and hazel
shot of mustang from above (i had to stand on the darn bar for this)
me with the 404 boys: leslie, macky, marco and stephen (this was before the party)
i also got awesome gifts! the foreigners all chipped in and got be snorkeling gear! flippers, goggles and all! i guess i gotta go to the beach very soon! and sila sagar got me a bottle of wine.
Last night was more chill. Had dinner with marc and frances in Recipes then met up again with Vince, JV, Aris and the other boys to catch Matrix at 9pm. Ok, i am not a matrix fan and i didn't expect to like this movie but...I TRULY DID! i think it's because all the women kicked ass and had the best lines - "Don't tell me what i can or cannot do with my own ship after your speech"...yeaaaaah! what's my favorite scene? the damn robots defending the dock! totally grrrrrreeeeeeat! i felt like i was playing Galaga on the family computer again!
everything would've been great except...after the movie we all had a cig break outside the foodcourt and talked about the movie...then we all saw the deliberate bastard with HER. I was in shock but i managed to hide because i didn't want him to see me. All my friends called my attention and were also in shock since just the night before he made the gesture of showing up at the Mustang party and they knew i was kinda happy about that. though i won't really admit it then.
I just chose to go home after that.
I woke up feeling ok though. I was trying to psyche myself since last night as i lay down to sleep so maybe it worked. Oh well. I'm just going to have fun tonight. I invited a whole group of friends to make salubong my birthday with me in Capones. I'm bringing two bottles - one being our good friend Johnny Walker Black. I'll be treating everyone else for whatever they want - beer? hehe...See this is why i am broke. I'm spending another arm and a leg tonight.
Tomorrow is my real birthday, November 9. I am turning 27. I am a scorpio. I am a dragon baby, born in 1976. I will be spending tomorrow with my family. Hopefully without too much of a hangover. haha. Adiós. Arrivederci. Adeus. :) |
| posted by maldita @ 2:12 AM
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| Wednesday, November 05, 2003 |
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FINDING NEMO IS OUT ON DVD! just saw the ad...that's going to sell a lot of pancakes!
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| posted by maldita @ 9:46 AM
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| i got some research done today for my Management Research Report (that's the thesis for my Masters)...and i am patting myself on the back. just because i found the guts to start "letting go" i have more time and drive for the more important things...i also have a new job option that i can dream about. thanks to the idea of martin and marco. yippeeee! whoop whoop! |
| posted by maldita @ 9:39 AM
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I am really a hermit/nomad...i need to keep moving all the time...
for the past few days or week i've been really depressed - about the bastard, the fear of losing friends...and the going out for a few drinks STILL didn't help! also chalk it up to the impending birthday and PMS, fine. But i find that hanging out with my other friends helps a lot too. It's like i can forget my other worries in a different environment. Like just being in AIM or having a dinner date with marc & frances.
yesterday i enjoyed talking to marco a bit in the zen garden about old times. This morning started really great finishing a groupwork with joy, alex, aris, anna, and mommy tes. on my way home i passed by isshin to get some takeout - sashimi tuna, gyoza and sauteed beansprouts. pig out city! plus i was watching Spongebob Squarepants and Lizzie Mcguire. Simple pleasures. Then on to bed. no time to think, no time to dwell. Well, i'm excited for tomorrow night though i don't expect everyone to be staying out too late.
now i wake from my nap and will continue reading The Unbearable Lightness of Being accompanied by a few cigarettes. |
| posted by maldita @ 8:35 AM
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| Tuesday, November 04, 2003 |
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New favorite song and video by local group: Rivermaya - i met them last week in Capones (what a starstruckker i am) but then again mark escueta is my cousin so he thought it was so cool :)
"A love to share"...from their new album "beneath the stars and waves"...
but, nobody cares for me..
nobody here needs me...
a love to share...but,
nobody dares...
nobody cares for me...
ok before you think i'm such a pathetic wet blanket, i like the song for it's melody and the visuals of the song. Shot in an old abandoned office building with a spot light just randomly going around, sometimes catching the band as they play. What i don't understand is why the sound of the video seems muffled. It would have been better if it were clearer...paging editing studios! quality of work please! you have to do justice to a good director's dream. |
| posted by maldita @ 7:44 PM
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I saw this ad in a magazine for this new british movie called Love Actually. It has a pretty good cast: Colin Firth, Liam Neeson, Emma Thompson, Keira Knightley, Hugh Grant, Alan Rickman, plus one of my favorites Ivana Milicevic. I think Denise Richards and Claudia Schiffer are in it too. I'm not really sure what it is about but i can guess that it's some kind of demented love story. It isn't scheduled to show in Asia at all so i guess i'll just look for the DVD.
 seems perfect for a Christmas romance donchatink?:)
I have a current fascination for London again. I want to go back. Sigh. I'm already looking at my options for work after i graduate in May next year and i think i'm gravitating towards Europe. Just talking to the exchange students in my batch brings me back. They're from france, germany, norway, denmark...and a lot of us agree they're the hottest batch to come over to AIM hehe...really nice too. They each promised to teach me a phrase in their respective languages that i can remember so i have something to say when i get to those places. Europe here i come! |
| posted by maldita @ 6:34 PM
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i feel a lot better today...i've had better days but it's still better than the past week.
fuera de vista fuera de la mente |
| posted by maldita @ 5:40 PM
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| Monday, November 03, 2003 |
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por que são você assim maravilhoso? Eu sou assim só sem você...
i am like Dream. when i'm sad, it rains in my world. look at the rain come pouring down. |
| posted by maldita @ 12:32 AM
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words in my head:
melancholy
cultural vacuum
nomad
hermit
escape |
| posted by maldita @ 12:28 AM
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| Sunday, November 02, 2003 |
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Halloween was spent just chilling in Capones and ending up in Dreambar with Debbie, Chris, Waxie and Carlo. Will put a link to the pics in my website tonight. here's a sneak preview of my costume...i was Death From Sandman comics.
 
At least this night was better than Wednesday when I broke down. Sigh. If not for my friends plus newfound ones: Carlo and Red, I would probably still be depressed and shit.
I’m crying everyone’s tears…
All these remnants of joy and disaster, what am I supposed to do…
Just another day, nothing’s any good…
DJ’s playing that same song, I have so much to do, I have to carry on.
Wonder if this grief will ever let me go
I feel like I am a king of sorrow
I suppose I could just walk away
Will I disappoint my future if I stay…
I have already paid for all my future sins
There’s nothing anyone can say to take this away
It’s just another day, nothing’s any good.
- “King of Sorrow” by Sade
The deliberate bastard texted me last night. Still calls me sweety. Cute slug. Said we were Congenital Inebriates. I agree. I was just finishing the book: The Prinsessa. RJ gave it to me for my birthday a few years ago. And my birthday will be in exactly a week from now. Do I dread it?maybe.
We both agree that the most appropriate CD for either a seductive or sweet evening is Sade Lovers Rock.
“No is the widest word we consign to Language.” – Emily Dickinson
I am the wall at the lip of the water
I am the rock that refused to be battered
- from the poet, Judy Grahn saluting the first woman warrior, Queen Boadicea
After that cry I suppose I am starting my recuperation.(thanks for the wake up call Mad Dater!) I still have to plan my four-day birthday celebration which starts this Thursday…I dunno if he will drop by. The original scorpio bastard said he will come on the Saturday thing. My bisaya bastard (though he’s a sweet friend now) will be going to the Thursday one. Oh well. We’ll see. You know who are sincere on the day itself. The deliberate bastard still hasn’t told me when he’ll be coming. I’m sure he knows my birthday is coming up though. Like I said, we’ll see.
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| posted by maldita @ 12:30 AM
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