| Wednesday, October 29, 2003 |
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i think i posted the lyrics of this song already before...but i think it applies to my deliberate bastard so i'll post it again :)
SUNRISE - Simply Red
As I look into your eyes I see the sunrise
The light behind your face helps me realise
Will we sleep and sometimes love until the moon shines
Maybe the next time I'll be yours and maybe you?ll be mine
I don't know if it?s even in your mind at all
It could be me
At this moment in time
Is it in your mind at all
It should be me, it could be me
Forever
Wandering through life will love come home to you
And the love you want forever, will they be true to you
Easy, ready, willing, over time
Where does it stop where do you dare me to draw the line
You've got the body now you want my soul
Don't even think about it say no go
Words & Music Mick Hucknall, Daryl Hall, John Oates & Sara Allen
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posted by maldita @ 3:46 AM
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| Tuesday, October 28, 2003 |
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quote from the mad dater's latest post: once you have sex, the romance disappears.
what do you guys think? i was having a similar conversation with a friend about this...but we were wondering whether sexual tension only happens in the beginning, with someone new. i think so, but then it could evolve into sexual energy that could last a lifetime. |
| posted by maldita @ 12:21 AM
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| Sunday, October 26, 2003 |
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happy birthday to my old-newfound-friend Martin :D
it's been real and surreal...
c'est la vie!
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| posted by maldita @ 9:18 AM
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No Mythby Michael Penn
So, she says it's time she goes
but wanted to be sure I know
she hopes we can be friends
I think, yeah, I guess we can say I
but didn't think to ask her why
she blocked her eyes and drew the curtains
with knots I've got yet to untie...
what if I were Romeo in black jeans
what if I was Heathcliff, it's no myth
maybe she's just looking for
someone to dance with
See, it was just too soon to tell
and looking for some parallel
can be an endless game
We said goodbe before hello
my secrets she will never know
and if I dig a hole to China
I'll catch the first junk to SoHo
Sometime from now you'll bow to pressure
some things in life you cannot measure by degrees
I'm between the poles and the equator
don't send no private investigator to find me please
'less he speaks Chinese
and can dance like Astaire overseas |
| posted by maldita @ 9:16 AM
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remember when i said i want to be in love? well...
i am in love with the deliberate bastard. I am just so stimulated by our conversations and how open we have become with each other. A lot has happened over the week and weekend. And i just revel at the thought that we talk at least once a day or he'll send me a text message with the term of endearment: sweety.
we had a discussion today about how we feel about each other. come clean, as one would say. it actually started a few days ago. confessions...of dangerous minds with risky situations. but as we also talked about...one cannot live on hypotheticals. it would work if this "thing" wasn't there...or the fact that...blah blah. If only we lived in a hypothetical world. But reality has more to say, and let's face it. we have to live in it.
so like in the past loves that i have had...maybe this is just the wrong time.
you know what's great about this relationship? what is stimulating is the mind. our minds put together. it's such a different plane: the mental, the emotional and the artistic. the physical is not even the first aspect of attraction. though the tension is there.
change topic. last friday was nice. i went to the wedding of tina and john-d. one of my perfect specimens of true love. the one that has "marriage" written all over it. I am so happy for them. I still feel bad that ane was not able to join us although we only stayed for a few hours.
here's a pic. thanks to tammy's blog for the link
me, macky, trika and gue
I then went to Capones for the opening to meet up with Debbie (after a well-deserved vacation in Hawaii), Chris and Waxie. Aside from them, i hung out with Macky, Gue, Begre, Ed, Martin, Topsy etc. even saw old friends like Nicole. Overtone played with inebriated Ed and Jay closing the performance. later on, amidst alot of old 80s heavy metal and rock, we were just playing air guitar and singing our hearts out.
In between this, was the "confession". i don't know if it was because we were both drunk but i don't think so. Still suffering from a bout of confusion, i went out again saturday night to meet up with the same group of buddies. we were really planning a cool night in Nuvo but ended up watching Velcro play in Aposento. We just wanted a chill out night but by the time a few friends dragged us back to Capones, us chicks were just dancing like madmen. Hiphop night. I even bumped into my ex, miguel who was in for the night all the way from GenSan. It was great drinking and catching up although we talk on the phone every so often. he's pretty much in tune with what's happening in my life, even my loves.
here's my last words for the deliberate bastard: you know why i love you? because i like the person i am when i'm with you. even if we can't commit, just being with you in my life makes me feel satisfied. maybe you'll never understand why i can say i love you but i can't be your girl...but all these words are true. |
| posted by maldita @ 7:51 AM
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| Tuesday, October 21, 2003 |
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I Can't Make You Love Me
Written by Bonnie Raitt
sung by George Michael
Turn down the lights, Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, Tell me no lies
Just hold me close,don't patronize
Don't patronize me.
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark in these final hours, I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power but you won't...No, you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
I'll close my eyes then I won't see
the love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
just give me till then to give up this fight
and I will give up this fight
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power but you won't
No, you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't |
| posted by maldita @ 11:25 AM
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more updates about monday...
had a really shitty day. started at 8am and ended at 630pm. talk about exhausting and stressing. had some group meetings during the breaks so didn't have much time to relax. so when martin asked me if i wanted to watch this jazz thing in piper's nearby, what the hell. i wanted...no i needed a drink. so after i put the finishing touches in my marketing presentation (which went pretty well today!yay!) he swung by AIM to pick me up.
i can't remember the name of the group but it was composed of an A-mazing guitar player and a girl with one of the smoothest voices i've heard. her name is Anya Santos who i've seen in friendster one time or another. seems as if when i'm with martin we bump into old people we both knew from luke and antioch days. i also saw lio of ePLDT there and bixie. i might watch the football games this sunday with bixie where martin, begre and alvin play. we'll see.
i guess i wasn't tipsy enough so when someone mentioned that Indio I was playing in Flute...off we go. it started raining this time. So who did i see there...vic and inky of indio i and fritz, this guy i met through joey who gave brash its first furniture. the rains kind of kept us stranded there while enjoying the soothing sentiments of Bob Marley. Well i didn't wake up for class this morning. not with my hangover. and i was still thinking of how drunk i was last night. lalalala. good thing martin is a good, reliable buddy who is never more drunk than me so i got home safe and sound. |
| posted by maldita @ 11:22 AM
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went to Capone's very soft opening last week. There were still construction guys around, no aircon, no flooring yet...but you could see that it was gonna be a good place to hang in the near future. the night was really good also...just a group of friends enough to fill the whole place up...enough drinks...the right mooooosic....whoopdeedoopdeedoop.
and yet i could only think of one person.
i just finished reading my assignment for creativity and intuition class tomorrow. My life could be a reflection of my movie suggestions. Remember "Someone Like You"? yes, the girls know what i'm talking about. Anyway, here's what my readings have to say:
There is this village in West Africa called the Balamah. Here they have four principles:
whoever comes is the right people. whatever happens is the only thing that could have. whenever it starts is the right time. when it's over, it's over. This is summed up by the Law of Two Feet. If at any point during the time together, anyone finds that they are neither contributing nor learning, they should use their two feet and move.
been talking to someone new lately. let's call him the deliberate bastard. everything with us has been planned and calculated. even until now i've been thinking, reflecting, deciding just how much of him i want in my life. slowly creeping up...as days pass. with every conversation, every text message, with every sweet line exchanged. i am still enjoying the deliberate bastard's capability to talk to me even during my most sentimental moments. i haven't let my guard down yet though. i think he still sees me as the carnivore, the man eater. he's only seen and heard about my vestiges. but not what was left with me. he gives me enough space to breathe but he also makes sure i know he thinks of me at least once a day...
last night i was in a very long debate and discussion with a friend about deliberate bastard. (in a very inebriated yet aware state of mind)
q: have you said anything to him or made him realize that you like him?
a: of course not.
q: do you want a boyfriend again?
a: i don't really need one right now. ruins the whole balance of things.
q: but what if he wants to be your boyfriend, would you consider?
a: yes...maybe.
q: but you said you don't want a boyfriend! now you changed your mind! which is it?
i was thinking about these questions the whole day today. the big difference i think is that...i don't really want to have a boyfriend now. my life is already unbe-fucking-lievably full of school and hanging with my friends. but why the hell do i get involved with these men? aaah i found the reason. I want to be in love :) |
| posted by maldita @ 10:14 AM
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| Friday, October 17, 2003 |
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i am not going out tonight. because i still have to get well.
chris: you suck! you have to come out with us honey!alcohol lang yan!
begre: aww too bad. i'll smoke one for you na lang tonight
bixie: wawa ka naman. sige i'll drink a vodka for you na lang tonight
so tonight people will get drunk, stoned and fall in love on my behalf. hahahahahaha
want to go to the soft opening of Capones tonight! damn damn damn...
 i never posted about the last movie i watched pala! i caught City of God last Sunday with Begre and Miggy in Greenbelt 3. Its been months since i've heard about this movie but this was the only time i got to see it! Although it was pretty long, i luuuuuuvd it. the three of us had so many peak laughs (reasons being other than the movie scenes) and "whoa"s...pig out session included tuna sandwich and doritos. yum.
speaking of Begre, something freaky happened today. I told him that he was in my dream last night playing football. it could be because i know three guys playing in Merville this Sunday (Begre, Martin and Alvin) and was thinking of going to watch. but aside from that it just seemed so wierd. Then he told me i mustve been astral travelling because he WAS playing football at 6am kanina! hmmm maybe this cough syrup can induce an alpha state...hahahahaha |
| posted by maldita @ 2:15 AM
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i have four pending friend requests in friendster. I don't have the heart to reject them but i don't want to accept them either. Why? because they ain't real friends. Like there are two guys there who are so damn two-faced they pretend to be my friend but i heard they say shit about me. Well, if they think i'm stupid or that my REAL friends don't tell me what they blurt out - think twice assholes! ugh...i'm getting irritated just thinking about them. one even has the gall to ask why i won't accept him. THINK! geezus...and you call yourself smart.
But i'm really not a bitch. i'm considering accepting one of these four guys. Sigh. i can't be mean for long. why is that? when these jerk-offs deserve it anyway! ugh...
like some friends talked to me because my recent ex requested for them on friendster. They asked me if it was ok because they all don't really like him after what happened. But i told them to go ahead since i accepted him na rin. Hey, no sense making enemies. I don't blame him anymore for the breakup or what happened. and i've become friends with all my exes now so i'm pretty glad about that.
This is just friendster! haha...yet so many things to think about. |
| posted by maldita @ 12:10 AM
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| Thursday, October 16, 2003 |
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i am still sick. couldn't even last the whole day in school. had to spend the remainder of my BEM class in the clinic. a friend was nice enough to even visit me (thanks sweetheart!heehee). barely made it through MR class and had to cut my last class. all my medicine just made me all shaky. aaagh...hate feeling this way!
I think God is telling me that i've been out drunk or partying almost every night for the past three weeks so it's time to stop!my body wasn't able to catch up. so now i gotta miss a couple of parties happening on friday and saturday! bigtimebummer! even tonight i got txts to meet up with some people in yaku -damn! was strapped to my bed.
this is such a shitty post...i'm just venting. |
| posted by maldita @ 10:33 AM
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| Tuesday, October 14, 2003 |
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i am sick. my nose is clogged and my head is heavy. i couldn't even make it to my afternoon classes today. at least i made it to my 8am and 11am classes. barely though.
yesterday i went to the spanish festival's guitar and poetry reading event in RCBC plaza with my friend Martin. It was EXCELLENT! even if we were late and i missed the poem that i was waiting for since it was the first one, i was still pretty happy and statisfied. just the sound of the language and the sentimental songs played made me feel so much more relaxed and melancholic. the poems they read were Pablo Neruda's Love poems accompanied by song of despair. Awww...
even if martin and i were nursing the head flu, it was worth it!
we then followed to Magnum to meet up with cris and waxie. well whaddyaknow...martin and waxie were old buddies from Sanmig days. For the past few weeks i've been hanging out with these Sanmig boys man! must've been one hell of a time for all of them, because they always have so many stories to tell. haha. i had a curfew of 10pm at that time so i don't have my own stories :)
at around 10pm cris and waxie decided to call it a night but marts and i decided to get one last drink in absinthe. rum coke apparently is good at putting off your sickness...but then you pay for it the next day. aside from conversation about preferred poetry, life plans, travels, past loves and lives it was also enjoyable to have no crowds to fight plus the weather cooperated: not too hot, no rains either.
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| posted by maldita @ 9:43 AM
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| Saturday, October 11, 2003 |
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"i'm not saying I don't like temptation, i'm just looking for the right temptation"
- "fighting temptation" by Beyonce |
| posted by maldita @ 12:58 PM
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| Thursday, October 09, 2003 |
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saw one major kickass video...by Chemical Brothers for "chemical beats". it was basically the live taping of one of their concerts in '97 pa. wow! but for all those planning parties, man they need to get pointers from the masters.
now i'm watching the skateboarding championships on ESPN. They're using the half pipe with the likes of Jake Brown, Bob Burnquist, Bucky Lasek, Sean White "the future", and Andy Macdonald "Andy Mac"... my bro and i agree that what makes these things so exciting are the comentators. They're the best that sports has to offer. Other comentators make you want to to turn the tv mute. but these guys really know what to say to get the energy going...with screams and moans and like when Bob Burnquist almost fell off his skateboard one guy shouted "you're not supposed to do that!" because he is a god. And god's don't make mistakes. Until now they say the best ramp performance was still in 2001 Xgames by Burnquist. Sigh...i love Xgames!!! |
| posted by maldita @ 12:21 PM
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i'm not going out tonight. don't feel well enough. and from the looks of it, everyone who was out last night will be doing the same thing. i guess we all kinda pushed ourselves yesterday. sigh. maybe will just comfort myself with tons of food and watch my discs of sex and the city.
am also planning to get the complete season of CSI...and some other shows :) |
| posted by maldita @ 3:49 AM
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yesterday seems psychotic in hindsight...
was supposed to have four classes. i didn't wake up for the first two. I attended one then the last one got cancelled. So my BAGUIO BAKER BOYS and i watched American Wedding. It was fun naman. with me feeling like a goddarn princess. I swear, hanging out with them makes me so spoiled because they are just the sweetest! i was thinking how difficult it would be for me to find a guy given the standards that they set. the guy who ends up with me has to be even better than them or can offer me a lot more...which is a lot! sigh...i love those boys. they're my buddies for life :)
I got home, passed out then woke up just in time to get ready for gimmick with my other friend Martin. Always nice hanging out with this other friend because he's got so many stories about his travels and travails in life. We just hung out in Bistro 110. Martin was actually in a bad mood but as the night wore on, thank God he got more chirpy. I have such a hard time dragging friends out of their doldrums. Then mahesh came by and managed to convince us to go to the opening of O. I'm glad we decided to go. Saw dondi, gp, rj, robbie, ryan, caco, leny etc. don't ask me how much i drank. I just remember feeling plastered yet strong enough to still walk straight. Also bumped into paolo, annie and carlo. Martin really wanted to go home by 1:30 but we all ended up going home at 330am...how? i don't know. i also am still bummed that i lost my favorite earrings! one of them anyway. I woke up at around 6am only to realize that i had only the left one on! aaargh! i think it costs an arm and a leg because its those baroque pearl shits. aaaargh! ok, trying not to think about it anymore.
i still have a damn hangover now. and it's already 3pm! Christ! but i'm still going to get a buzz again tonight because the girls want to go to Yaku or somewhere to drink some more. Bahala na si batman! man ubos na damit ko! at least last night was a "free" night again, every drink was someone's treat. Tonight i pay though. lalalala... |
| posted by maldita @ 12:02 AM
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| Friday, October 03, 2003 |
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This is my song!!!
(but as long as i keep writing about you in this blog, you'll KNOW i haven't moved on yet. sigh.)
my friend told me he saw this documentary about the video on tv and Dido said it was about unrequited love.
True. true.
White Flag by Dido
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,I'll tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it - where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder or return to where we were
Well I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over" then I'm sure that that makes sense
Well I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet, which I'm sure we will
All that was then will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think that I've moved on....
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be.
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| posted by maldita @ 1:13 PM
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| Thursday, October 02, 2003 |
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| has anyone seen the Boss Bottled ad for Hugo Boss? now this has got to be the ideal man...who is that model? the body, the shirt, the coat, the hair...it was all just too perfect! (licking lips now!) |
| posted by maldita @ 9:54 PM
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it's really great to get in touch with my creative streak and senses...
last tuesday was the opening of my mom's art exhibit in Ayala Museum - and discovered the works of her friend, Ed Ramos. Maaan! his oil painting look just like exquisite black and white photographs! i find them absolutely amazing! i also got to talk to this guy at the exhibit about photography and we pretty much got into this continuous rapport about composition, preferred cameras, processes etc. I really want to start taking pictures again.
then yesterday i caught the photography book launching of Eduardo Morato. It was a veritable who's who in the art world with all the previous graduates of the Management of the Arts program of AIM. I have never heard Grace Nono perform but she took my breath away with the opening prayer chant. Whoa! Joey Ayala also performed and so did Ballet Philippines dancers. If any of you get a glimpse of the photos of EdMo you will be more taken by his inspiration than the shots themselves. I think that is the essence of their beauty...I could hear some people in the audience saying they could do the same shots but then - how come no one has? I'm still in shock as to how much the book cover print went for in the auction: 150K! for a slide print! it was a shot of the Mayon Volcano called Mayon By Moonlight. But i preferred the Firemill which was basically the reflection of a Windmill in water with a superimposed fire at the top and inverted. The colors and design of the water was so vivid. It was also great to bump into an old friend Mon again.
Later on in the evening I went to Ponti to catch a few drinks with Martin, Tals and Manito. Saw Jean and Titus who i haven't seen in like four years!...i love that couple! they're the sweetest! But what surprised me was that I had three lychee martinis, a number of kamikaze shots but I was STILL sober! so Marts and i got a few more drinks in aposento where we bumped into some more old friends. I also got to talk to Mike who isn't mad at me anymore. Thank God! geezus...i also got an offer from Caco to celebrate my birthday in APosento...yeah! sounds good to add to my hotel parteeee! Here i had three Sangrias and i was STILL sober! what da hell...ewan ko na talaga. ang wierd ng system ko! :P
i'll be leaving for a beach trip this saturday! woopeedoodee! will buy a new two-piece tomorrow so i'll have an even tan...no tan lines! :) |
| posted by maldita @ 2:21 AM
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