| Sunday, February 29, 2004 |
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man...sure wish i was there in SF already!grrr...if only to catch the screenings of
the documentaries: Imelda, On The Road and Wheel of Time;
the movies: Dolls, Travellers and Musicians, Shiwu and Takeout;
all the short films like The Art of Breathing;
and am immensely curious about the music of Skyflakes!
from friendster bulletin board, from Dino Ignacio
You've seen it posted by all our artists and their local listservs.
Support your Bindlestiff filmmakers, animators, and musicians with our cheat sheet during
the San Francisco International Asian American Film Festival! March 4-21, 2004.
1. My Ninja For Your Nun – Series of film shorts.
See Bampinay(Dir. Matt Abaya) and Lockjaw (Dir. Gayle Romasanta)!
Friday, March 5 & 10, 20049:45PM AMC Kabuki 8, San Francisco
2. Miss Match - Series of film shorts. Go see Green Stalk (actress Christine Balance!)
Saturday,March 6, 20042:15PM Castro Theatre, San Francisco
3. Directions in Sound - Go support the Bad Thoughts Animated Music Video(Dir. Dino Ignacio)!
Saturday, March 6, 20049:00PM Milk 1840 Haight Street, San Francisco
4.Music Video Asia -Go support the Bad Thoughts Animated Music Video(Dir. Dino Ignacio)
Monday, March 9 945AMC Kabuki 8 Theater, San Francisco
5. Imelda – Documentary exploring the rise, fall, and delusions of Imelda Marcos. Co-presented with Bindlestiff Studio this is the closing night film.
Thursday, March 117PMAMC Kabuki 8 Theater, San Francisco
Never Give Up,
The Bindlestiff Coordinators |
posted by maldita @ 8:37 AM
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| So hot here in Manila. Just had corn on the cob for an afternoon snack supposedly smothered with butter and salt. But after just two bites i noticed the frozen butter had now melted into a limpid pool of yellow liquid. That's how hot it is. |
| posted by maldita @ 12:30 AM
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| Saturday, February 28, 2004 |
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Don't waste your time on me, you're already a voice inside my head.
This love has taken its toll on me
I won't say goodbye anymore.
lines from I miss you by blink182 and This Love by Maroon 5 |
| posted by maldita @ 12:28 AM
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| Friday, February 27, 2004 |
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my first reaction was...another one!? geez...how many social sites do i join? but as a marketing professional i have adapted to the market segmentation habit. so friendster is for old filipino friends who i haven't talked to in the longest time, myspace is for select dear friends + new friends in SF, and now orkut is for my other countries/communities group. I only joined orkut because of my adoration for the company called Google that has provided us with the best medium for information access. they each have different features so i guess its just a teeny justification for being online this much. haha.
in orkut i started a group for the wandering beatnik. |
| posted by maldita @ 3:10 AM
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| Thursday, February 26, 2004 |
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still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
still a little bit hard to say what's going on
still a little bit of your ghost, your witness
still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
you step a little closer each day still i can't say what's going on
stones taught me to fly
love taught me to lie
life taught me to die
till its not hard to fall when you float like a cannonball
still a little bit of your song in my ear
still a little bit of your words i long to hear
step a little closer to me so close that i can't see what's going on
- Cannonball by Damien Rice
everything you want is not everything you need. |
| posted by maldita @ 8:29 AM
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| Wednesday, February 25, 2004 |
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my horoscope...
if you've been thinking of taking a trip, Margie, you might find today that the cost of going may be far more than you originally anticipated. This could be disconcerting and a bit of a letdown, but don't automatically jump to the conclusion that you have to cancel your trip. Find cheaper places to stay, stay away from ritzy restaurants, and curtail purchases of souvenirs. Better yet, put in some extra hours and make up the extra money! |
| posted by maldita @ 6:12 AM
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just took a test on web.tickleon how great my ESP is...
Margie, when it comes to psychic abilities, you have an unusually strong talent in the area of Precognition
This means you have an uncanny ability to look into the future and know ahead of time what is going to happen. You might, for instance, simply know that you're going to get that job before the interview even happens with a certainty that exceeds what you would expect to have simply knowing the facts of the situation. These little hunches are easy to ignore but for you especially, quite often lead to a true prediction of what is going to happen. |
| posted by maldita @ 12:48 AM
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| Tuesday, February 24, 2004 |
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I also saw the trailer for this movie in one of the VCDs i bought last christmas in hongkong...i hope they show it here. even in art film greenbelt: Goodbye, Lenin directed by Wolfgang Becker![]() |
| posted by maldita @ 9:30 PM
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They say we all lose 21 grams at the exact moment of our death...everyone.
The weight of a stack of nickles
The weight of a chocolate bar
The weight of a hummingbird.
directed by Alejandro Inarritu
I want to watch this movie. But promised to watch someone's documentary tonight :)
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| posted by maldita @ 9:26 PM
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| You get what you give. |
| posted by maldita @ 6:23 PM
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| Sunday, February 22, 2004 |
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Due to popular demand, here are the lyrics of NOYPI of Bamboo:
Tingnan mo ang iyong palad
Kalyado mong kamay
Sa hirap ng buhay
Sa dami mong problema
Nakuha mo pang ngumiti
Noypi ka nga. Astig.
Saan ka man naroroon, wag kang matatakot sa baril o patalim
Sa bakas na madilim
Hoy pinoy ako
Buo aking loob, may agimat ang dugo ko
Sinisid ko ang dagat
Nilibot ko ang mundo
Nasa puso ko pala and hinahanap kong kulo
Ilang beses nakong muntikang mamatay
Alam ko ang sekreto kaya't nandito pa't buhay
Sabi nila may anting-anting ako
pero di nila alam na Diyos and dahilan ko
Hoy pinoy ako
Buo aking loob, may agimat ang dugo ko
Dinig mo ba ang bulong ng lahi mo
Isigaw mo kapatid ang himig natin
I also recommend the first song "take me down"...sobrang galeng pare!
astig talaga ang pinoy!
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| posted by maldita @ 10:20 PM
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been shifting between here and my journal on myspace. dementedly distracted. i wish i could stop drifting and finally get my projects done. I'm still stuck in limbo with an immense lack of inspiration.
friday night: talked to "funbobby" the whole evening till almost 4am. cleared up so much shit from our past and unanswered issues that have been hidden inside me since '99. felt so much relief that by the time i woke up the next morning, i couldn't remember what day it was. sweet sleep.
saturday night: salivated over jason mraz. consumed isshin with debbie, erwin and sach. met up with chris, ramon, neva, quark, lia and alexis in capones (sorry i was such a walking woozy by that time guys!), met lead singer of D'Sound Simone (marts, remind me to email you the pic of her giving you a smooch on the cheek), talks of dating and a dugong, and ended with delightful dimsum in HapChan. In between those instances is all a blur. I can't recall much. Owww my head still hurts.
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| posted by maldita @ 9:56 AM
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I have changed my mind about white meat.
if the men in california are as witty, funny, adorable, gorgeous, talented as Jason Mraz...gimme gimme gimme!
note: jason mraz is from san diego. |
| posted by maldita @ 8:38 AM
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| Thursday, February 19, 2004 |
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I like this song. Not so much for the words but for the way it sounds and for the cute guitar player! i keep staring at that screen when the video comes on because they hardly focus on him. So i can't really tell for sure whether he is as cool as i think he is ;) he's the one with the long hair and goatie.
Nandito nakaukit pa rin sa puso ko/Nang sabihin mong huwag na lang/Nandito nakatatak pa rin sa isip ko
Kung paano mo tinalikuran ang lahat
Kay bilis... 'Bat umalis...Nakaka-miss...Nabigla lang...
Di ko man lamang nalaman na mawawala/Nabigla lang...Di mo man lamang naisip na idahan-dahan/Di ako sanay sa biglaan/Unti-unti na lang sanang nawala/Hindi ba natin kayang magkunwari/At sabihing sige na lang/Hindi ba natin kayang dayain/Ang mga yakap sa tuwing lumalamig/Di ako sanay sa biglaan/unti-unti na lang sanang nawala
"biglaan" by six cycle mind
Another nice song is "rainbow" by southborder. I like the way the harmony plays around and it's the kind that makes you smile. Reminds me of what "Good Morning Baby" made me feel when i first heard it. |
| posted by maldita @ 4:07 AM
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| Wednesday, February 18, 2004 |
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It was a very relaxing afternoon...so went to Greenbelt 1. bought a ticket. bought a big box of nachos with salsa and cheese topping. and watched In America. Written by Jim, Naomi and Kirsten Sheridan that rings like a semi-autobiography about an irish family who move to New York in the 1980s. Post-9/11 all the movies have tried to show us the beauty of New York summer, spring, fall and winter. But in this film you see the grimy side. The wet, cold harsh reality. I had both + and - feelings constantly conflicting with each other like a tug of war between two giants. And it felt good. We don't have all the answers all the time. Sometimes we don't need to make a decision. Not just yet.
All the actors in this flm were exceptionally good. Paddy Considine played the father Johnny. Samantha Morton (better known for her role in Minority Report) as the mother Sarah. And the two little girls Christy and Ariel played by Sarah and Emma Bolger has made me reconsider having daughters of my own. And you will also find the character Mateo endearing. He is played by Djimon Hounsou who i last remember seeing in Gladiator. Such an understated but captivating actor who can, with just one look at his eyes or mouth as he speaks make you one with the sadness or strength he is feeling. The passion within his quiet demeanor.
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| posted by maldita @ 10:41 PM
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| Tuesday, February 17, 2004 |
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each day i learn something new given my plans for the next few months. (if you know me well or have been reading my blog you know what that is wink wink) last week i had to figure out:
- which books i had to send over
- which clothes i was bringing with me
- how to do the laundry
the non-negotiable is my laptop who is also the love of my life. hehe. i'm so glad i never resorted to getting a desktop computer last year. maybe in my head i had already the preconcieved notion of travelling.
today i am still trying to figure out what is the average rent rate and specific location i want to stay in. Found some potential roommates online and its actually really fun! had some emails informing me of their rooms for rent too. I limited the area to three cities only but i think i'll buy a map now to familiarize myself. geezus. you're talking to a girl who only yesterday could not tell martin where the aquarius street was in her own village. hahahaha! doomed, doomed i tell ya! and yet i am so excited! |
| posted by maldita @ 9:23 PM
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| Monday, February 16, 2004 |
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i am the one who believes in all that you say. i am the one who never wants to define herself. I am the one whose parallel, upfront, behind. I am the one paddling like a crazy through the night...and im crying in the valley i will never ever fall and people are people not forces strong. I am the one who never knows how close she is. I am the one who'd rather be dead than confess. I am the one trying to be good, wanting to be bad and so on. Excess, temptress, big mess. For me only, it's a test. be still my heart, don't you fail.
- from "people are people" by D'Sound |
| posted by maldita @ 10:18 PM
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| I have noticed so many viewers of my blog use Comcast. Well its in the news lately since it could soon become the latest merger mammoth since News Corp bought DirecTV. Instead of taking the friendly offer of Michael Eisner to fuse with Disney, CEO Brian Roberts opted to make a hostile takeover attempt to buy the content-rich rodent for all its worth. $54 billion to be exact. Time Warner and all the other bigboys will have to scrounge up their strategic plans and pockets to beat this vertical integrating shift. Television, Film and Internet unite. Its like a Voltes V animated feature. Or better yet, its like buying the complete set of Constructicons to form Devastator to get as many energon cubes as possible. |
| posted by maldita @ 12:06 AM
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| Sunday, February 15, 2004 |
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I am not in the mood to write. I have gotten countless verbal comments from friends such as that I only write when I am down or tapping into my dark side, how come I always have blind items on this blog, am I not scared of jotting down my deepest darkest secrets for the whole world to see - none of this bothers me. But I am just at a loss for words at the moment. No thought provocation that moves me to scream from the rooftops. or release with reckless abandon...in words.
And yet I am at an all time high of 52 average daily visits. Wow! When I started writing here I never went farther than 18. And inexplicably ranging from the west and east coast. Manila will always be the greatest source of web surfers interested in my escapades or rantings, except for one day in October when the East Coast zone gained an exceptional leap over my fellow islanders.
I have been toying with different entries, that shall remain unpublished in the chronicles of my computer folder. Ranging from the filipina inimitability, my preference for the filipino male, the proliferation of boob jobs and my infatuation with Matthew Goode's brit bod. Not that I am apprehensive to reveal these thoughts but more because I think my writing sucks. Haha. Eloquent I am not. Ask any friend who has listened to my 24-hour mouth that refuses to shut down so as to cater to fellow nightcrawlers, drunken masters and smoking pariahs.
Well anyway, I am currently sitting here in the recluse called the AIM Zen Garden where the sun refuses to let me go. Every day I sit here it props itself to shine on me and me alone. No matter which bench I choose, the god Ra apparently thinks I am a sole sunflower needing his heat and glare. Haven't I mentioned before that I am made of fire? Intense and insane? That explains why I still sit here. Or maybe its just my need to have that cigarette while typing away. Yes, I have tried to change benches as soon as the sun sets its sights on me, and just like magic - it follows. I am not joking or putting you on. Some classmates and I have tried this a number of times...never fails. Maybe he loves me. Or is just insanely attracted to fellow fire-breathers.
Got a message from my friend Ryan this morning. Wants me to meet up this week to introduce me to this guy from New York. As usual, I expressed my apprehension to date at this transitional point of no return. But it seems that fate is a reckon to deal with. No matter what measures I take to avoid these trying situations, it manages to lure me into situations I have sworn to repel from. Wanna bet during some gathering of friends this week, ryan and his friend will somehow be at the same place at the same time or something to that effect. I am doomed to be a hamster in a rotating wheel. Maybe my destiny in this spatial plane is to be a poster child for dating. I could put up an advice column haha! Which is easier to give than to abide.
Not in the mood to write my ass. haha. |
| posted by maldita @ 11:37 PM
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| Saturday, February 14, 2004 |
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currently listening to: Chief Enablers, The Berlin Project, Kara's Flowers, Maroon 5, 6cycle mind
yesyesyesyesyes...that IS me!
who were you in YOUR past life?
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| posted by maldita @ 11:28 PM
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| Thursday, February 12, 2004 |
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you have to know when it's time to LET GO.
fuck this shit. fuck you. |
| posted by maldita @ 11:42 AM
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| Wednesday, February 11, 2004 |
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"Harder To Breathe" by maroon 5
How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable. So condescending unnecessarily critical. I have the tendency of getting very physical so watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here. This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear. You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone, not fit to funkin' tread the ground that I'm walking on
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love, you'll understand what I mean when I say there's no way we're gonna give up. And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams, is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head. You should know better you never listened to what I've said. Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat, hoping somebody someday will do you like I did
Does it kill? Does it burn? Is it painful to learn that it's me that has all the control
Does it thrill? Does it sting? When you feel what I bring and you wish that you had me to hold |
| posted by maldita @ 3:42 AM
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| Tuesday, February 10, 2004 |
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the Maroon 5 guys are ho-o-o-o-o-ot!!
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| posted by maldita @ 7:41 AM
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Carl Jung...
There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion.
For two personalities to meet is like mixing two chemical substances: if there is any combination at all, both are transformed.
One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.
It all depends on how we look at things, and not on how they are themselves.
An understanding heart in everything is a teacher, and cannot be esteemed highly enough. One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feeling. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.
The word "happiness" would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.
The greatest and most important problems of life are all fundamentally insoluble. They can never be solved but only outgrown. |
| posted by maldita @ 7:17 AM
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| Monday, February 09, 2004 |
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Hoy! pinoy ako!
- from the song "Noypi" by Bamboo
Striking my filipino pride nerve...this song ROCKS!!!
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| posted by maldita @ 9:03 PM
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stuff i found out today...
even your closest of friends can slip up
i still don't have the guts to confront them
peter o. is in town - wahooooo! seeing him this afternoon!
the opening of "vanilla sky" still scares me
i wish i had a guy's strong arm to grip when i watch it
im alternately excited and terrified to move away
i think of it everyday
im glad to be helping with perspectives this year
my paranoia comes and goes as it pleases
breathe in. breathe out. release. namaste.
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| posted by maldita @ 9:10 AM
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| Sunday, February 08, 2004 |
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| ok this is the ab-so-fu-lutely last time i change my comment board. and since cris and ramon have been using haloscan for the longest time, i think this one is dependable :) to those who (you're so great - jo, alexis, daph, dunweya, mad dater etc. ) have posted here in the past, i saved your stuff in a file for me to keep :) |
| posted by maldita @ 11:13 PM
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Two Solitudes.
I just read Tals Diaz’ latest article “Nomad Love”. Beautiful. Every Saturday I anticipate reading the works of the Super! writers Martin, Tals and Gino. But before you think of my bias based on the fact that they are my friends or acquaintance – think again. Since when have I given bullshit praise? Glimpses into their wits does more than just provide trivia to speak of in periodic conversations. They provide a base for personal reflection. So right now I am thinking of two solitudes of the mind.
First state. You are alone. No other person to bounce ideas on. But your mental state is on hyperdrive. I think most people dread this physical state. Because they cannot see the beauty of self-awareness surrounding it. When else can you have a great conversation if not with yourself?Cigarette, coffee and pen in hand, this is where my insight emerges. My memories come back to either haunt or seduce me. When you can cry without fear of getting caught or having to explain to anyone why. My latest source of inspiration called me one of the most self-aware people in manila that he’s met. As you probably guessed, he’s only met a handful of people here. And as you see in these blog entries, I spend much time thinking, dwelling and feeling. But it is the other emotional intelligent trait that I lack: self-regulation.
Why do people dread being alone? Countless number of songs highlight the needs for partners, company, sponges or an audience. But as Tals has said…you have to find wonder and interest in yourself because each day “ you go to bed with yourself”. And so many 20somethings, mostly from second half of the period, take to the streets and the allure of travel. Even the choices of travel partners limit your experience. So leave it up to the moon.
Digressing a bit, I was just telling a friend the other day about my disgust at some foreigners visiting our country. I try to leave a lot of biases at the door but there are those who still prove me right when I see them attempt to pick up girls for some fling even as early as their first day here. What the f-?! ok maybe we should blame it on the international perception and Webster definition of filipinas being maids or whores. Grrr. Which leads me to another point. You do not travel just to bed as many cultures as possible. Geezus. Then you would be the human equivalent of the Olympics.
I change my statement that physical contact is overrated, but I think mental stimulation is underrated. Can we focus on that a bit more? Which leads me to my Second state. The one wherein you are surrounded by people but your brain seems to be shrinking in non-activity to the size of a prune. Maybe I’ve just been conditioned by some friends and acquaintances who possess not only trivial tidbits to drop like a name just to impress but some valuable or individual view. Isn’t that the point of talking to a single person? If not, we’d all be talking as a group in unison to each other. I’ve had too many of those encounters. For example, some guys in their ignorance think that the more newsworthy names they mention, expensive sports they do, bars they patronize make them more charming. I just want to belch in the bullshit. But I do still go out every week…and you may find me in the middle of one of these mundane conversations. But I am just saying that I can only take so much. Like watching both B-movies and interesting creative ones. I enjoy both kinds of films, but can’t get too much of one type. Like one evening, I heard a guy talk about how much he disliked this song for the next four hours! Four hours! You would want to throw yourself – or him – over the balcony of Capones.
So now I appreciate a good cuppa joe with my friends. I can hear their voices, see their faces. Because I don’t want to be alone in a packed venue anymore where I can see but not tap into who you are. Let’s face it, looking into someone’s eyes will not sustain your for a life-long relationship. I chose to deliberate on these two states of mind just to remind others – and myself – that the material world isn’t the only thing of value. Hmm I think since losing my wallet the other day had some positive effects. So I sit here in my porch, with a cigarette, coffee and book in hand. Simple pleasure for the intervallic hermit without a single peso for the next few days.
But then they danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!'
- Jack Kerouac, "On The Road" |
| posted by maldita @ 1:50 PM
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My horoscope tomorrow:
Even though you may have tried all kinds of jobs, you still may be asking yourself where your real vocation lies, Margie. It's possible that, today, you will get the answers you need. Isn't it true that you are just itching to create? Do you dream of being an artist? You should take a careful look at everything that has happened to you over the last year. If at first you don't see anything, look harder, the answers to your questions are there.
hmmm... |
| posted by maldita @ 1:28 AM
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| Thursday, February 05, 2004 |
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So let me get this straight...
i have a really bad hangover today
last night reminded me what scum some men are
but others reminded me what adorable creatures they are when they care
i lost my wallet yesterday.
i have a broken heart...no make that broken spirit.
i am a lost soul.
i should really cry at this point but i don't have the strength. i just break into sobs every few minutes then stop. Like i told vince today, thank God i don't drive or i'd probably crash it in my disoriented state of gray...
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| posted by maldita @ 7:25 PM
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high school doodling days... |
| posted by maldita @ 2:21 AM
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oh no, i see, i spun a web, it's tangled up with me,
and i lost my head, the thought of all the stupid things i said,
oh no, what's this? a spider web, and i'm caught in the middle,
i turned to run, the thought of all the stupid things i've done,
i never meant to cause you trouble
and i never meant to do you wrong,
and i, well if i ever caused you trouble
oh no, i never meant to do you harm
oh no, i see a spider web and it's me in the middle,
so i twist and turn
here am i in love in a bubble.
they spun a web for me |
| posted by maldita @ 1:13 AM
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| Wednesday, February 04, 2004 |
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Taglines for the movie Serendipity:
- Sometimes True Love Can Have More Than One Face (fuck, he ain't the last guy on earth! or the best)
- Can Once In A Lifetime Happen Twice? (of course!)
- When Love Feels Like Magic, It's called Destiny. When Destiny Has A Sense of Humor, It's Called Serendipity.
Give me back my sense of humor. i think i've lost it. i've just been this little mellow melon. not sure if i want to take up the offer to go drinking tomorrow. we'll see.
If you gave me just a coin for every time we say goodbye / Well I'd be rich beyond my dreams, I'm sorry for my weary life / I know I'm not perfect but I can smile / and I hope that you see this heart behind my tired eyes / If you tell me that I can't, I will, I will, I'll try all night / and if I say I'm coming home, I'll probably be out all night / I know I can be afraid but I'm alive / and I hope that you can trust this heart behind my tired eyes / I'm no angel, but please don't think that I won't try / I'm no angel, but does that mean that I can't live my life / I'm no angel, but please don't think that I can't cry / I'm no angel, but does that mean that I won't fly / I know I'm not around each night / and I know I always think I'm right / I can believe that you might look around / I'm no angel, but please don't think that I won't try / I'm no angel, but does that mean that I can't live my life / I'm no angel, but please don't think that I can't cry / I'm no angel, but does that mean that I won't fly
- "no angel" by dido
goodbye. |
| posted by maldita @ 8:49 AM
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| Tuesday, February 03, 2004 |
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With the countless definitions of soulmates, we are left with an even greater ignorance of what it is really about. Much like the transition that occurs when we start to get depressed before birthdays - when as children we anticipated its arrival. When did we change? In our search for answers we are still standing in a state of confusion. Theories and formulas attempt to settle our doubt but just when we are content with an explanation, a contradicting point of view shatters it into deconstructed shards of glass.
This constant questioning could refute the individual arguments of both rationality and emotion. LIke the yin-yang symbol. one can strive for the perfect balance of both. till the day you die. and still not have figured out the meaning of life.
A friend mentioned Griffin & Sabine to me yesterday afternoon. And i racked my brain trying to remember the boy from the past who thought of me enough to give me the trilogy of books as an expression of his sentiment. But i don't have, even an inkling as to who he is. How come we treat others in reverse of what they truly deserve in return? the insanity of it all is the foundation for unrequited adoration.
We like watching movies like Alice in Wonderland and Spirited Away. We anticipate trips to the mazes in carnivals hoping to get lost. Because we know we will eventally find the exit sign. We solved the riddle, the labyrinth of life. With this certainty looming in the horizon - whether distant or near - can't we enjoy turning each corner, not knowing what to expect. It is a always a transition. Maybe we can embrace the fear of getting lost deeper into it but mix in excitement of maybe, just maybe finally figuring out the puzzle. like another year. another day. another hour. another minute. right this moment. |
| posted by maldita @ 12:04 PM
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| Sunday, February 01, 2004 |
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i posted this song on my blog sometime last july...listening to it again now. dos almas perdidas dos caminos.
Two Solitudes by Level 42
I saw the longing in your eyes
But I failed to see the anguish you so cleverly disguised
Your needs I clearly read but I never knew your true intentions. they were better left unsaid
I brushed our tears aside, thought I could wipe away the memory but couldn't push that far inside
You came so full of regrets. Your body still remembers what your mind learnt to forget
Love is lost I've found when trust breaks down
Now we meet those two imposters just the same
Always out of bounds when love comes round
Don't even have the strength to share the blame
We ride the train of events. We never make our destination.Never making any sense
You say you leave without regret but your body will remember what your mind learns to forget
One love. Two solitudes
There's no common ground when trust breaks down though everybody's love is in the air
Always out of bounds when love comes down. Too scared to climb the wall of our despair
Love is lust I've found when trust breaks down...
And the sad thing is there's no end to this
Your tears are like the rain that beats the rain
And I wake at dawn to find you gone
Don't even have strength to call your name |
| posted by maldita @ 11:23 AM
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“Do you know how to make God laugh? Make a plan.”
Last Saturday I went to Arlyn’s wedding. A couple of firsts but more notable is it was the first time I went to a wedding alone. I despise going to weddings, simply because I am uncomfortable with the formalities, there’s a video camera aiming at you as you try to shovel the tough steak, the efforts at sophisticated catering leaves much to be desired…oh the list goes on. The only thing I like by and large is the suggestion of two people who have found their ideal match. Or at least someone they would like to grow old with. I think our culture has given more value to this ceremony than our western counterparts who can annul or divorce at the blink of an eyelash. Another cause to adore inherent Filipino values.
But this one was different. Or maybe I just wore the right dress. The evening’s festivities were just unassumingly comfortable, simple and beautiful – like the bride. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. The food exceeded expectations and would put any provincial barrio fiesta to shame. Lechon, kuhol, crab cakes, bibingka, buko ice cream, sinigang, kare-kare…mucho gusto. The reception was held in the orchidarium that boasted of orchid arrangements (naturally) and the fountain was lit up with thousands of lights. An orchestra of strings played love songs without the usual irritating singer belting out lyrics. Every element evoked sweetness and affection without the overdone mush and saccharin-sickness we oft find in weddings. All in moderation, as they say.
Busy schedules usually assist in recuperation. A friend asked me for advice at the wedding. He and his girlfriend of 4 years had just broken up and asked me how long I had been bitter till I moved on. I told him, about a month of incessant obsession then you let go. You forgive and accept the state of affairs. Take a look at the big picture. You’ll soon see that your perception of the situation’s gravity is just as much a creation of your mind's eye as the monster chasing you in your dreams.
Then on to meet up with debbie, cris and waxie in Raj. Had ditched them a few evenings before so it was time to catch up. Holding up my long black beaded column of a skirt was quite a feat crossing the busy walkways of Nakpil and Orosa. A few martini lychees later, time to head on home – if you haven’t noticed yet, that’s Capones. It was like the moon was full with all the atypical conversations I had with new acquaintances. I could have just been drunk but I genuinely enjoyed conversations on various topics with several guys that spanned the divergent. Friendliness rooting from unremitting exposure to many things. Lifelong student mentality reveals rewards.
  
Thanks to ane,jv, trika, debbie, cris, martin, caco, topsy …and everyone else (and that’s just from the weekend) for the comfort and hugs. The might of my continued existence has so much to do with you…for propping me in the pertinent path. Though I am standing on my own now.
Sunday I heard mass. Bumped into enzo. Ate in Sugi. Bumped into mike. Went to UCC for coffee. Bumped into mark. Went to Rockwell with trika and jv. Bumped into 8 people. Studied for tomorrow’s class. Now it is time for this nightcrawler to weave her dreams. |
| posted by maldita @ 10:57 AM
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