:: musings of a misfit ::: March 2005
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Duff lover - that's me!
That's Duff McKagan and not Hilary Duff ok. Even back in Guns N' Roses glory, he was a sight to seduce wearing only a white suit.

And now with the same awesome (i'm at a loss for words today) talent with that bass guitar but add a rock hard-er body...damn. now i need a cigarette.


ok enough with the fanfare...today i'm revelling in Velvet Revolver. It's just the best music to drive to, especially if you're like me who feels like she's going nowhere. just stuck in a rut with unappreciative objects of affection and yet i can't just walk away. fine. so i stay here kicking myself in the ass. hehe.

Sometimes I think I'm scared
Sometimes I know I feel like making love
Sometimes I don't
I feel like letting go. Maybe not
I feel like giving up
Is all we got

Sometimes is all the time.
And never means maybe.
Sometimes is all the time. Maybe.

And I'm moving on (Sometimes I feel alone)

Sometimes I make believe when we're alone
Machines have taken hold
Can you get me to a telephone
It's just the little things you used to see
Am I still that man who makes you who you want to be

I never noticed
How lovely were the aliens

- Loving the Alien (sometimes) by Velvet Revolver
posted by maldita @ 12:25 AM  
Sunday, March 27, 2005
workshop alert!
i figured since i want to invite friends to different workshops and events, i might as well post them here...

You’re invited…
to see and experience ZIRH.

When: Saturday, 2 April 2005, 2pm
Where: My Beauty Hub
Ground Floor, 6750,
Ayala Avenue, Makati City
Get discounts on Men’s Inc products.

ZIRH makes the highest quality shaving and skin care products for men.
posted by maldita @ 9:00 PM  
easter egg-nogging
happy easter! i miss the kiddie days when we used to gather at our grandparents' house and participate in easter egg hunts. instead, we all just had lunch and coffee together - more because us grandchildren are too old to scavenger...we're a lot bigger than my grandparents' old garden...and the adults don't have the strength to go through all the trouble of hiding the eggs. we were all talking about it today - and the only hope for the old easter celeb would be if we actually have kids of our own. to which all us cousins just stopped to stare at each other and silently figured it wasn't going to happen soon.

don't we all need an occasion or some kind of catalyst to trigger a change in our lifestyles? so here's another one - easter sunday. i have an idea about what in particular i will attempt to embody tomorrow...there has been great inspiration from my new CD purchase: Kings of Convenience, Riot on an Empty Street album. I read the lyrics and remembered so many "bastards" (who aren't really bastards, i just like calling them that. they're sweet boys in their own way)that i can dedicate each song to. Will post that for another day.

Although...most of my thoughts are focused on work tasks and gym sked for tomorrow. aaah back to the proper center of my self-centered universe!
posted by maldita @ 7:19 AM  
Monday, March 21, 2005
palm digging
i've decided to get a handheld pc. As if having desktops at home and at work and in the office, a personal laptop, a sony ericsson phone, a sony cybershot are still not enought to satisfy me...Need more gadgets! haha! The catalyst has basically been my job where i need to update sales and forecasts on a daily basis, it's just not feasible for me to bring my laptop around, or a little notebook because then i'd have to also carry a calculator for all my references.


But for as long as i can remember, i've loved the iPaq. When it was still Compaq. What was our name for it again during the progression of the merger? what would it be called - the He-pa-Q (pronounced like bar-b-q) hahaha! well as i was saying, i've always wanted one. So now is my chance. I can save for it, own it, hug it, squeeze it and call it george. Just one problem. It costs around twenty-four grand. But hey it's got a built-in camera, bluetooth and wi-fi. once we get our house wi-fi enabled, i would be floating on digital air.

I told Lee about my intentions today and she recommended I get the Palm Tungsten E. It costs helluvalot cheaper (P11,900) - in other words i can save for it faster. and - i didn't know this - can use Microsoft Office apps. See, i need my excel sheets in there for the function of work. Hmmm. Now it's got me thinking again.


And for the past few months i thought my next gadget would be an iPod. Guess not. Yet.

Darnit. my birthday is still eight months away.

Anyone else have any thoughts on the handheld PC dilemma?
posted by maldita @ 1:24 PM  
Sunday, March 20, 2005
dates, debate and difference in opinion
Sometimes we assume to have other people summed up perfectly. Having known them for years, we confidently proclaim that we know what is best for them. The heart is in the right place but the logic? Maybe not. We forget to take into consideration the differences in which we relate to one another. We treat family differently, friends another way and then there are the objects of our affection. I tend to shudder when I ask a guy buddy what he thinks about the current guy I’m seeing only to get a vague or canned answer like: I think he’s ok. I was hoping for more enthusiasm or detailed criticism. In hindsight, that’s all they can see and being in the position of date – I should be a better arbitrator of his character, right? What I can use as evidence is how he relates to my friends (and more importantly, my brother) to help me conclude. It’s foolish when I think about the times a friend criticized my date only to result in me defending guy-in-question, painting and even better picture in my head – an embellishment of actuality.

Now I know why some people abhor set up dates. I’m still guilty of trying to pair people up because I have this opinion that they’ll hit if off. But I’ve opted to just make introductions and forgo foretelling the future.

I have to start resisting the urge to consider my personal biases as applicable to all.

Speaking of which, ever have someone vilify your taste in music or movies? It’s a major pain in the ass. I’ve voiced out at the highest decibel how I detest songs like The Reason by Hoobastink, but far be it for me to tell someone they suck for liking it. I’ve been put down time and again for liking music by Bamboo, Maroon 5 and J.Lo. In my quest for self-regulation, I think I’ve developed an ulcer from all this restraint. A wise man once said to be that the better critics in conversation are those who listen to your preference and recommend other pieces of work based on that particular reference. I for one would rather probe why they liked The Reason, or Alexander or Da Vinci Code. Maybe you’ll convince me to change my mind. But if I don’t, it doesn’t make me less than you. And vice-versa. Remember the aim is not to make others conform but to get to know the other person better. Debate need not be destructive. I find it a delicious and stimulating activity.
posted by maldita @ 9:43 PM  
Thursday, March 17, 2005
pack a day.

cute and bitchy.
thanks to jay for the link.
posted by maldita @ 11:47 PM  
tan-tan-tanaaaah!
i finally tried the Shiseido self-tanner and i must say i am now addicted! of course there is a bit of hassle since you need someone to apply it on your back and bum...and you wait for around half an hour naked as the day you were born to let your skin absorb it. being the busy bee that I am, i chose to use the time standing while typing away in my keyboard. The tan in my bod came out even but I applied more on my lower half so it is now tantalizingly tan. I have to reapply on the rest of me this weekend. it's hilarious when you think of the things we girls do for our quirky needs.

A lot has changed since I started working and have been exposed to all the beauty stuff. So much pampering and "fluffing", as i call it. It was a bit of a culture shock for me being more comfortable with a quick low-maintenance lifestyle but it has been for the better. I think tons of friends have complained about my sucky watch (but it glows in the dark so i can tell time when i'm drunk!), and my ever-expanding wardrobe of black. I recall even a guy i met in SF last year told me "do you only wear black?" unfortunatel yes. Scorpio siren honey, i luv black! hehe.

So now what has changed? after several dinners with girl friends, these things were pointed out to me:
- i now know how to do the smokey eye look
- my skin looks even better than before (thanks to the regimen of cleanser, softener and moisturizer!)
- there are days when you will not see a single black piece of clothing on me
- i can tell the difference between a cream and emulsion
- i know the advantages of the more expensive eyeshadows compared to cheaper brands (from experience!)
- i've been experimenting with a lot of color as a whole

all these things lead to more inherent improvements such as knowing that there is no such thing as not having time to take care of yourself. Pampering can only enhance a more energetic disposition. I've even helped a friend get addicted to his sample of Phytomer Shaving Mask. Can you imagine enjoying shaving your face each time? Aaah the everyday luxuries.

Overall...my best friends have said that they have not heard this spunk in my voice for about five years. That's a damn long time! but we're all glad the old me is back . Thanks to the new me.
posted by maldita @ 9:09 PM  
Monday, March 14, 2005
Ego tripping at the gates of hell.
Both men and women are guilty of this pleasure. We flirt, we woo, we flee. All for the intention of fattening our insecure psyche. It’s even more daunting when you are unconscious of this driver for niceness. Most of the time you’ve walked away happy or with a pinch of guilt. While leaving the other person with more baggage than they started with. We’ve all been, at one time or another been on both sides of the kaleidoscope. We’re mutilated into a myriad of colors and emotions projecting the best view while another enjoys the attention. Then without so much as a warning, you have served your purpose and set aside. Thanks for the show, be seeing ya! And if you look closely, the rainbow of shapes has been reduced to a mess of cut up pieces.

Scary thought. But until we all become perfectly honest beings or we have the opportunity to read others’ minds – we take the risk and hope for the best.
posted by maldita @ 5:32 PM  
Friday, March 11, 2005
obsessed - who me? more like paranoid.
Overview: Stop obsessing about what they might have meant by that. They said what they meant, and that's that. Now put your fears to rest, and relax. A lovely weekend awaits you.

It's a bit wierd. I don't even know what this horoscope is pertaining to. My work? the latest bastard? But in any case, hey at least i'm going to have a good weekend according to it. hehe.
posted by maldita @ 1:51 AM  
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
expert escapist.
if there's one thing i know how to do well...
it's walking away.
a clean break.
you won't see or hear from me again.
and you will never know why.
posted by maldita @ 7:43 AM  
i know jimmy begins with a j but...
just heard that jimmy choos are on sale in rustan's! something like 50% off! but realistically that means it costs something like Php 15,000 na lang. hahahaha!
but a girl can wish upon a Choo...


i want these pink strappies. i just got a nice kitten-heeled baby pink pair (not jimmy choos!) but these just scream "salivate before me"!!
posted by maldita @ 12:56 AM  
Monday, March 07, 2005
last man standing.
The storm is over. And so the drout begins. My friends know what the hell I’m talking about.

Not a million sweet words can become an excuse for inconsideration or lack of affection. Bombard me with those snippets of fucking bullshit but probably one good indication for me that you mean it is if I know that you read this blog on regular basis. It is the key to my world and my mind. If you’re not interested in that then keep on walking!

Martin gave me the best advice: if he does not measure up to your level of cool, then buy him a beer and tell him to drink it far away from you.
Cecile
gave me an even better one: nothing with a penis can diminish the fact that you are fabulous.

Something about these friends really warm my heart. Tonight was especially priceless. I can thank Cristina, Debbie, Marc, Red, Jay, Paolo, Ane, Frances and Martin for pacifying my unrelenting tears throughout the whole evening. Even as I said my goodbyes, the caring hugs of Jose and Niki were solace. Their comfort aimed to remind me that nothing is worth ruining my perception and hope. One friend mentioned that she admired me for always surpassing this fucking barrage of disappointment and having the courage to always take the leap of faith even if it usually left me in pieces.


red trying to cheer me up. damn those eyes are puffed up! they're all chinky now.

niki, jose, debbie and paolo

Intensity is not always a good thing. But I fail at the exam to turn it off, if only to protect myself. I can control it enough to project an aura of strength and tenacity but little do these fucking bastards know that I am all torn up. I refuse to give them the satisfaction. They fooled me once just to pad their flaccid egos, it would be sheer masochism to let them leave knowing I got hurt. I can talk about this freely now because I know they hardly give a shit about me to read this anyway. They probably don’t even know the address.

So here I am writing again. Can't sleep. Been shaking from the stress. Still in shock at the realization. But still glad i found out sooner than later.

I left Pipers as fast as I could in search of consolation in a place that valued me, Capones. It is like a haven for me to be myself and be welcomed with open arms. And it delivered. I drove at the speed of 80kph through the intersections of Makati to get to my “home”. I hate the fact that I shared this place and my friends in it with bastards who should only be so lucky.

I aim to quit smoking or at least cut down. After tonight, I think i've reached my quota for the month. As i lay in bed last Sunday morning at 5:30 from a whole evening of drinking, i made that decision. Just wasn't able to fulfill it. This purge should be good enough to push through it now.

I’m torn between posting the lyrics of Fall To Pieces by Velvet Revolver, Let Go by Frou Frou. But instead I’ll still maintain my infallible optimistic view of love and life with this:

Walking down to the water's edge where I have been before
If I don't find my love sometime I'm walking out that door
Some may come and some may go but no-one seems to be the person I've been searching for
The one whose meant for me
Biding my time, trying to find a heart that's lonely
Looking for her, my love my one and only
Maybe I'll dream, tonight about the girl who'll be coming my way
So I'll take this chance and celebrate the day when I'm making my way through an open door
I've got some love and so much more and I'm ready to make someone mine
Making my way through an open door I've got some love and so much more
And I'll find her, 'cos it's about time
You try too hard and it feels just like you're running on thin air
Why does luck happen by suprise if you don't really care
The past is gone the flames are out from fires that have burned
New ideals and different thoughts from lessons I have learned
Got the feeling this could take a pretty long while to find that smile
Put my faith in another piece of good advice, well I tried that twice
Waiting for, a little something more to inspire, take me higher
- "It's About Time" by Jamie Cullum

Sadrina gave me my new year's resolution at the onset of 2005. She said to avoid men whose names begin with the letter J and M because obviously that has some curse on it. And also Aquarians. If anything, chalk this all up to knowing what i DO NOT WANT. so it's still a step closer to getting to WHAT I WANT.

And most importantly...DEBBIE IS BAAAAAACK! Welcome home sweetheart!
posted by maldita @ 1:23 PM  
Thursday, March 03, 2005
girlish dreams
there are days when i just want to look prettier. I don't know why some consider that shallow...i understand that the shell has, more often that not, given a wrong perspective on a person's inner qualities. But sometimes, looking good makes you feel good. and vice versa. ok now, i've confused even myself.

Well the summer days have arrived. Notice the harsh sunlight when you stick your arm out the car window while having a smoke? It is sharp and gets worse as the afternoon wears on. I have no beach plans yet...but my hopes are still there. maybe to a nearby area where friends and i can have an exciting roadtrip as well.

Given the fact that i have been trying to get into the habit of fixing up for work each day...i'm excited to try out new stuff. here's our favorite model...and the kind of look i've been toying with...

I also have the dream of a golden tan...sigh...but i'm workin on it!
posted by maldita @ 6:02 AM  
 
 

she had eyes like two turntables mix(h)er in between my dreams and reality blend in ancient themes the bas(e)is of isis cross-faded to ankh the beat drops like a cliff over looking my heart - Saul Williams


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