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| Thursday, December 21, 2006 |
| here it goes again |
and thus you find yourselves, listening to my self-pitying worthless rants about how sucky my life is. I never realized how many friends still use this blog as their means to know how i'm doing on a daily basis. Up until I met some of them over the holidays for annual gatherings and they all expressed their worry. Aw. thanks you dear, dear friends.
I haven't written much lately. no time. no energy. unless i'm in a really bad state. and with no one to talk to - i turn to strangers for solace in my written words.
I don't know how it happened that i have become detached to everything and every one. when did this happen? I've made some people feel less of a priority and others even more shunned. But there are those who don't take it against me. they don't take it personally and still want to see me...when I have the time. whenever that is. It's nice to have that unconditional love.
I've been feeling bouts of loneliness at work. More so when I get off it. During the day, I have too much to do and that keeps me from sobbing from the loss of jb's hugs and kisses. and then I go home. And that's when it starts. I could go out and feel rejuvenated again - but honestly, my body is too tired. people need their "me" time also. So i guess its really a self-infliction, isn't it?
i think my lack of proverbial eloquence or declamations in this blog is due to the fact that I do have a difficult job. and it takes all of that gray matter to function and manage it on a daily basis. you wouldn't believe the pressure and the scope of responsibility. I've blown a fuse a few times. but not yet my whole top.
all in all, i'm feeling more accomplished lately. I've resolved to make this a better notch on my belt and i need to succeed if i want to respect myself for the rest of my years. don't you feel that sometimes? it's not for anyone else but for yourself. I think i deserve that. and i know i gotta work really hard for it.
I bumped into two important people in my career recently: kathy and rj. will all due respect for the rest - they were THE best managers that i've had to work with. I look up to them so much and continue to inspire me to do better. After telling them of my status now, they are equally proud and i'm happy I can tell them that they were instrumental in it.
Inspiration comes in all forms. whether its a kind word of comfort or by example. I'm sure there are many others. but none, for me anyway, seems more effective than showing others it is all possible.
by the way, I think december 2006 has been a bad month for couples everywhere. i've heard of three friends' marriages having crumbled. I hope the number doesn't increase.
here it goes again by ok go |
posted by maldita @ 8:13 PM
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