| Monday, November 29, 2004 |
| tough love. |
you know what i'm talking about.
i'm just not conventional.
but my methods have been more effective than sappy sympathies.
oh and it finally stopped raining after about 20 hours of straight downpour.
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posted by maldita @ 10:24 AM
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| Stone cold. |
| i was all set to diss the movie Alexander here but after spewing "what a crock of shit" for the past few hours I am exhausted. Let me just summarize my opinion - great cast, sucky script and non-imaginative director. It makes me long for Ridley Scott's genius again. But you gotta take the good with the bad if only to spot the difference, at least within the limits of your own perspective.
I thought Braveheart, the Gladiator and The Passion were great epic films. Troy was uh...good enough but not great. Alexander is...oh gosh, here i go again...where do i start? aaaaaaugh. that's three hours of our lives gone into oblivion. Aside from rewriting history with his own fiction, Stone couldn't even come up with a better story or a better way of telling it...You had the tools used by epic directors of old. You had an awesome cast. And yet you blew it. Where was the talent I saw in Wallstreet? Ah, so sad.
Good thing there's the National Geographic special on Alexander. I assume that will be more entertaining. Actually, i'm sure of that. |
| posted by maldita @ 9:42 AM
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| Sunday, November 28, 2004 |
| the wonder boy. |
from the master, derek kirk kim...who i fortunately had the opportunity to exchange emails with. I was already delighted with the fact that he remembered me and so i sent him a copy of my book review...this is what he said:
Wow, that was one of the raddest reviews I've gotten. Thank you so much, Margie!
Hope you can make it back to SF! If you do, lemme know! I'll get some chairs and throw them randomly on the floor for us to pick up and stack. ;)
best,
Derek
Note: the latest Fully Booked newsletter should be out this week with my review of "same difference & other stories" by derek kirk kim. I'm currently writing another one now on Craig Thompson to hopefully make it in the february/valentines issue.
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| posted by maldita @ 10:08 AM
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| Wednesday, November 24, 2004 |
| by the hour of grayskull |
Disillusionment is a scorching state to be in. But it persists in an almost daily basis. One day I’m warding off some pathetic asshole’s advances while listening to my favorite band. The next day I discuss the differences between fending for oneself outside the comfort that parents bring. Another reality that permeates is that I have been a better confidant and provider of advice to most men as opposed to being their partner. At least that’s one image that coincides with the truth.
Had coffee last Tuesday with a friend. I’m trying to think of a good nickname for the blog but ever since I brought the bastard tags to a standstill it has become more difficult to simultaneously delineate and parallel. So anyway, we had a lengthy discussion on his own incongruous perception of me and the not-so-palpable veracity of my life. He started by asking me what I did that day and so I told him – I woke up around 10:30am and felt the need to clear my head so I went to Santuario and heard mass. With wide disbelief, he then uttered some suspicion as to whether I was a bible-slapper or something. That was worth a laugh. Nice term, dude. I guess it’s hilarious when you think of typecasting people as if they are not individual cases of psychosis. Think about it, we are.
Like for example, the girl you see getting drunk at the bar? She’s the wild child player who can bitch with the best of them. Or the girl sucking you up with her sweet voice is as innocent as the morning sun. If all assumptions were true then what’s the point of interaction? So even with adamant conviction that we are the great purveyors of human nature and instinct, there should always be a shred of doubt. We give friends the chance to rectify a wrong. We even give bars a chance to redeem a disappointing evening. So why not furnish the same reservation to an acquaintance before dismissing their intentions?
No matter how tirelessly disillusioned I am, I try to keep this reservation in mind. That friend I had coffee with? I guiltily assumed he was a certain type. But over a cuppa joe and a rum coke at Mati, a lot more was disclosed and divulged. He’s a good friend to have. Someone sweet enough to convoy me home through the Makati Avenue traffic to make sure I got home in one piece. Yes kids, I drove home at midnight. It was almost unbearable to drive through the laughter at being coursed through the streets I know by heart. Since I started driving Ben I can’t so much as stand even a slight sense of need or dependency.
In the course of that one evening, I received three phone calls of problematic dating disasters among other things. I evidently conferred my unfailing practical advice. To which I was told I should write a damn book on the matter. But different situations call for different measures. To reiterate the previous thought: there are no tried-and-true success formulas…especially on the subject of like, lust or love. |
| posted by maldita @ 9:08 PM
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| buzz... |
i'm stressed.
but in a good way.
just a busy bee looking for a job. |
| posted by maldita @ 12:24 AM
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| Wednesday, November 17, 2004 |
| hangover hell. |
here i am, nursing one of the largest headaches in history and i have to pick up my grandparents in 30 minutes as promised. OooooOw...I haven't had time to upload the pictures yet from last night but I can assure you there are some compromising ones. I am the sneeeaky little shot snapper. How did we manage to stay up till 630am? the friggin sun was already up and shining when we got in our cars to go home. Good thing we live nearby while the others had to trek all the way home to alabang. And how many drinks did i have...if you add the four martinis in Vodka Ice Bar, the four rum cokes and two shots of something in Peligro, a vodka and shot of jagermeister in Capones - how did i get home without my stomach turning inside out? I was just sleepy and tired i guess but not sick drunk. just drunk. It's a damn miracle. hahahaha.
Quickie Horoscope: You're in danger of overextending. Pull back, before you snap.
No kidding. i'm laying low once more. My body and mind can't take this for another day. Return to recluse.
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| posted by maldita @ 9:39 PM
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| Tuesday, November 16, 2004 |
| to an asshole... |
if anyone knows who owns this number 0920-913-6926 please tell this fucking asshole to stop sending people prank text messages using my name. Actually I'm not using the monicker Maldita Margie anymore so obviously this person is a stupid sonofabitch. I don't understand why some people have to use other's identities to get some attention. Didn't your mother hold you enough as a baby? apparently not.
Get a life ass.
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| posted by maldita @ 12:55 AM
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| weekend recap. |
the long weekend is over. I am exhausted but it was fun. Having stayed home for most of the past months, it was great to hang out with the girls again, engross myself with jack and tan (jack coke and rum coke) and get lost in the music.
Thursday: met up with the exotic princess, debbiedoowop, and mark in Vodka Ice Bar to take advantage of the so-very-affordable all you can drink martini list. Even found new luna-chicks in Carol and Joanna. After Greenbelt we trekked on to Yaku for Francis' bday where Overtone was playing. Several drinks later, it was on to Peligro on a whim only to find ourselves amidst a clamoring crowd. Apparently it was Imago's second album launch. Always helps to know the owner so we got beyond the bouncers. To my surprise, Sugarfree was playing! I was jumping up like a kid in a candy store. I love that band! Have already overplayed their CD. Closed the place as the sun started shining.
Friday: had dinner in Greenbelt with Frances, Eunice and Sonny. Caught The Incredibles again - even better the second time around! Kinda sounds like mall-hopping but we went to Teak in Rockwell after. But i kinda got antsy so debbie picked me up and we found ourselves in Capones with Chris and Tony to catch Overtone again because Jay P. and Norby were celebrating their birthdays on Sunday. The sweetie Servers hooked me up with a bottle of my fave Arctic as a birthday gift. But after a few hours, time for Peligro again where we caught the last set of Dahon. Again, closed the place as the morning broke.
Saturday: supposedly a rest day, I figured it was a long weekend anyway...not to mention the impending absence of my darling debbie in a few weeks and I want to spend as much time with her as possible. So we went to Yaku for Itos' birthday party and shots of Tequila. But the noise and tight crowd pushed us to go down the street to meet Jose and Tony in Peligro. Too bad we missed Kapatid's set. Bumped into old high school friends and consumed the free-flowing booze from our galant friends.
Sunday: so I should rest right? not. Drove the whole day for my family...from mass to lunch to coffee to home again. But it's a good kinda tired. I love my ben.
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| posted by maldita @ 3:16 AM
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| Sunday, November 14, 2004 |
| shooting blanks |
i've been too vulnerable to write here...so many thoughts and topics but i'm just left with nada.zip.zero. and i received this advice:
Quickie: Where's your sense of humor these days? Get back in touch with your funny side.
Overview: Most of the time, you have a battle plan -- at least one. Now, however, you'll be operating totally on impulse, and loving every minute of it. Just try to be a tiny bit careful. A tiny bit.
But I haven't been careful. I let myself slip. Just when i thought i was making progress with regeneration...i made a mistake. Oh well, as they say - you may be back to square one but nowhere to go but up.
I spent the past two days clearing my thoughts while driving my car along the streets of Makati. Now i know why so many people enjoy getting behind the wheel. After a good self-depracating session with my mind this afternoon, i just got in my benny boy and sped off until the sun went down. I've been driving around alot lately but tonight was the first time i really got to use my headlights. I may be sad now but tomorrow is another day.
The paint’s peeling off the streets again and I drive and I close my eyes in Michigan.
And I feel nothing, not brave.
It’s a hard day for breathing again….
The heat is chasing off all your friends
And their scattered bodies part to the shore again.
And I feel nothing, not sane.
It’s a hard day for dreaming again….
I’m not going back to the assholes that made me
And the perfect display of random acts of hopelessness.
I wish I could stay here but I think we’re all ready.
I think we’re all ready….
And I feel nothing, not safe.
It’s a hard day for dreaming again….
Now that you’ve seen almost all of America, all you can say is, “where is all the water?”
And the war has been over for years since you gave up.
And last night, where the road had started
And last night, when my hands were choking you.
Last night, when the room and your mood was dipping
And last night, when the ropes were pulling you in….
You said, “Hey, how could you love me this way?”
You said, “Hey, I think we’re all ready….”
I think we’re all ready.
- "Paint's Peeling" by Rilo Kiley
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| posted by maldita @ 5:58 AM
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| Wednesday, November 10, 2004 |
| pahabol. |
got an extended birthday treat today from friends in the US. Received greetings from the other side of the world where everything is a day late. It must be getting cold there with autumn having creeped in but i can still feel the warmth. awwww.
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| posted by maldita @ 7:41 AM
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| come come come, dahling! |
i like edna mode...actually all of them were amazing, i mean super, i mean incredible! i'm really glad i caught this with my family first. It was so great! i'm going to watch it again with friends this friday yipppeeee!
i downloaded the whole interactive theme for my pc already. hehehe!
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| posted by maldita @ 6:54 AM
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| i think my neck is crunked |
been three days now and i've had a stiff neck. hard to sleep when the pain shoots down the back of your shoulder. It's a wonder i've even gotten my car around. Maybe it's the stress from driving too. i get really tense because i just started driving but so far so good.
i'm in a moral dilemma now about a certain person. has anyone noticed that as you get older, it's not the quantity but the quality of friends that's important? of course you have. And i've become averse to those people who i know don't really give a shit about me. not really anyway. It's not in the words but in the attitude. I think they're called emotional vampires who just suck you into their own drama or personal issues that drain you of your own strength and good nature. And obviously you try to avoid these bloodsuckers right? i'm in a very positive position now. I don't want to complain about everyday life which you may notice from my posts. I just want to laugh and keep things light or positive. There is always a silver-lined reason somewhere for even the worst experiences. But if you are surrounded by those who find fault in everything it is hard to stay optimistic. No matter what you say or do to help alleviate further damage, they don't listen. so you run, as fast and far away as you can.
one of my good friends from back in the time of moses (quote from marc) did just that. No matter how sweet she was during the good times, she was never around during the bad. And she also created the bad as well...without any respect or good faith one naturally gets from sincere friends. Taken for granted? that was an understatement. Any boy who showed up was given more trust and optimism than my years of loyalty. After about two years of this shit, I said fuck this. I don't need it. Who does? That should have left me jaded right? wrong. I now have the best friends ever.
Where am i going with all this? i don't know. i'm just writing it all out. personal dilemmas tend to make my thoughts run around at warp speed without any order or organization. Still thinking of what to do....In the words of Frank Sinatra - doobeedoobeedoooooooooo!
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| posted by maldita @ 1:03 AM
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| Tuesday, November 09, 2004 |
| wicked irony from yesterday aft |
mom: still have the stiff neck from yesterday?
me: yeah it hurts like hell.
mom: it's called age, dearie.
what can i say? my mom is right. arthritis here i come!
friend: oh my gosh! where have you been? i never see you out anymore!
me: i really don't go out anymore. just stay home and read my books
friend: oh yeah me too! i don't go out anymore!
faster than you can say...wha?
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hahahahahahaha!
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| posted by maldita @ 9:10 PM
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| it's a beautiful day! |
today is one for the books. literally. I'm 28 years old today and yet i feel like I'm about 35. Just the past year has been one discovery and re-discovery after another. About myself and my loved ones. I've made the most changes recently and they are of the turning-point persuasion. And so today is a starting line for the winds of change - for the rest of my life.
it is a fascinating feeling to be remembered by friends long gone - those who you have not seen or talked to in ages and yet always manage to call you at midnight to greet you first. I have always stood by my opinion that friendship withstands distance and time. That you never really have to see or talk to each other to preserve loyalty and sincerity. But at your darkest hours you know who instinctively rush to your side. No amount of bar-time or substances can match that connection of love and respect. And every year, on my birthday I feel that love from these wonderful souls who simply remember to call, text, email or what-not.
It was so simple and pleasant. I jotted down on my journal every single person who greeted me. Rare but existent are those who even check in the afternoon or evening to make sure I am having a happy birthday. I woke up bright and early to answer the ringing phone. I drove to mass at noon then met up with two of my angels - Pia and Ria for a lunch treat. Needless to say all the stories ended waaaay into the afternoon. Then had a short coffee break with JV who dropped by Powerplant after one of his interviews. It's kind of funny when you think about it but I was assigned to buy my own birthday cake. And so I made my usual choice - Apple Pie from Sugarhouse. This has been my standard for about nine years. either the apple pie or the blueberry cheesecake. Nothing traditional at all. And by special request, my family and i gorged on baked prawns and fettucine alfredo. Yumidoodee - stuffed we were. I had already bought the movie tickets for the Incredibles so that was how my day ended. All five of us had ace seats smack in the middle where we laughed the loudest - as is our way.
Most of the gifts I received today aside from all the immaterial ones, have been books. My mom gave me that 2005 planner that had graphic posters and designs that invigorates inspiration for each day of the year, my brother got me Jack Kerouac's The Town and City and Craig Thompson's Carnet de Voyage. For the past few months I had also been sifting through a copy of Fortress of Solitude by Jonathan Lethem in Fully Booked but couldn't stand the paperback material that totally ruined the aesthetic experience. With the thickness of the novel, i knew i wouldn't have been able to finish it each time i'd turn that newsprint page. Coincidentally, my friend and i passed the discount bin of National Bookstore where we found a hardbound edition. Only one and cheaper than the paperback. Yesssss!
  
...and of course we all know about my butch-y baby (still haven't named him) who ironically is not allowed on the streets today (I don't have a plate number yet so i still got to drive him the whole day). By suggestion of several guys, I ended up with Bubu (short for the jap anime Bubuchacha), Butch, Patrick or Benny (after TopCat's Benny the Ball and Benny the Cab of Roger Rabbit)
   
But anyway, it was great. Steady. Simple. And I am So very happy. Thanks to everyone for sending their greetings and warmth. I will sleep well tonight knowing I've done good in my past twenty-something years for you to regard me as special.
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| posted by maldita @ 7:56 AM
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| Monday, November 08, 2004 |
| left my heart in... |
I am so jealous. wish i was there so i could catch the Film Arts Festival of Independent Cinema @ the Roxy Cinema and Castro Theatre. I want to watch the films and shorts entitled IPO, Quality of Life, Push Button, Martin, My Crocosm, Only You Can Be Me, and Water Under the Bridge.
The Film Arts Festival of Independent Cinema celebrates its 20th anniversary as the premier showcase of Northern California’s independent filmmaking community. Entitled “ReDeclaration of Independents,” this special anniversary edition of the festival runs Thursday, November 11th through Sunday, November 14th at the Roxie Cinema and the Castro Theatre in San Francisco.
Featuring an exciting and eclectic mix of absorbing documentaries, new narrative features, and captivating shorts, the 20th Film Arts Festival of Independent Cinema exemplifies the creativity, passion, and diversity of this region’s filmmaking community. As Honorary Festival Chair, director Philip Kaufman will introduce three Bay Area filmmakers who are distinguished in their respective genres: the acclaimed CRUMB and GHOST WORLD director Terry Zwigoff, the Oscar-nominated Lourdes Portillo (LAS MADRES, SEÑORITA EXTRAVIADA), and long-time Other Cinema curator and experimental filmmaker Craig Baldwin (TRIBULATION 99, SPECTRES OF SPECTRUM).
Hey debbie! Philip Kaufman directed a movie called Unbearable Lightness of Being - you favorite book! we should try to find that for you!
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| posted by maldita @ 6:25 PM
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| Sunday, November 07, 2004 |
| mellow-collie |
maybe it's because of the more-pleasant weather lately. Could also be the impending birthday. My recent disturbing dream may also have something to do with it. But overall i'm just feeling like some insane fruitshake - put in some melancholy, bitterness, sadness, affection, sweetness and press Puree.
Heeding the words of Raf - instead of becoming this huge person (figuratively of course) where all the shots fired at you just seem to hit every single damn side, why not shrink into someone more manageable. Where all the bullets just miss you. Seeing yourself as just a part of the big pic will probably allow for a better perspective.
I'm just listening to some new favorites -
"Between You and Me" by Moving Units
Some dreamy Jarvis Cocker tunes
and lots of Interpol.
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| posted by maldita @ 10:10 AM
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| Friday, November 05, 2004 |
| whooooohooooo! |
And here he is folks, the new love of my life! He's a wonderful character - strong, cozy, smooth, stable and hell-uh satisfying! oh wait...supposed to be talking about the car!
Ten years late but worth the wait. Armed with my over-protective alter-ego, no one is allowed to drive him crazy but me. I haven't been this ecstatic since God-knows-when. I woke up this morning with so much excitement in my blood. Bounding out of bed, I returned the various phone calls i missed from last night and prepared for my meeting this afternoon for MyShelter. dum-dee-dum-dum...Sonny says he's never heard me sound this happy before, no shit! it is a beeeyootiful day!
For those who aren't in the know, this is a milestone in my life. I've taken driving lessons three times (and the third one's me lucky chaaaarm) but i had yet to conquer my fear of the congested roads of manila. So now i've faced it head-on and as a reward to punctuate this conquest, I have my first very own beautiful new car. If this ain't a turning point, i don't know WHAT is.
 
took this pic with my celfone so it's not so clear...i'm sure i'm going to have some rampant photo session with it soon.
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| posted by maldita @ 7:18 PM
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| Thursday, November 04, 2004 |
| behold the eye |
I like this particular painting of Basquiat. I can't say the same for all his other paintings, save for maybe the Horn Players. Several weeks ago I caught the art exhibit of Alexandre Charriol at the Ayala Museum. He had supposedly been inspired by Basquiat's work acccording to some critics. But aside from the intense use of color and large strokes of black, I think he has his own style and identity. What took me by surprise was the size of his work. Charriol likes to use the largest of canvases. Although I admire him for his ability to create, I personally did not like the emotion that adhered as I viewed them. I felt violence and intense anger. Not exactly the feelings you would like to have on a daily basis if you decide to purchase his work and hang them in your hallway.
But anyway, I think that art is of a very personal nature. Just like in interpreting a piece of literary work with a Reader-Response, it is not always going to be in line with what the author intended. But an awareness of one's own perceptions is always a good practice.
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| posted by maldita @ 6:41 AM
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| live in the here and now. |
For all the other hopefuls...we all have to wait till late next year to find opportunities in the United States...I found this article after bumping into Miks, who was fresh from San Francisco. Being an MBA graduate also and belonging to one of the most in-demand fields - Finance - I thought it would have been a piece of cake for him to settle there. Apparently not. From what i also heard from other friends, even with a company willing to sponsor them, there simply aren't any more Visas available.
I refuse to do anything illegally since that provides a risk for not being able to enter the United States again so I'll wait till the right opportunity presents itself. No sense rushing something, right? You can't force fate.
FY 2005 H1B Cap - reached on day 1
WASHINGTON: A full year's quota of 65,000 H1B visas, which provides the passage for skilled professionals hoping to work in the United States, has been reached on the very first day the new allocations opened.The demand for foreign workers on H1B visas is at the highest levels - ever!!
The US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS), which processes applications for the H1B program, is no longer accepting petitions for visas for initial employment for this fiscal year, which runs from October 1, 2004 to September 30, 2005. This means that foreign workers, will have to remain at home unless they or the company they work for have already applied and got the visa under the 65,000 cap. This is the first time the 65,000 cap, which has been reduced from a peak of 195,000 because of pressure from American workers, has been reached on the day the new H1B quota opened. Although officials said not all 65,000 visas have already been issued, it appears that going by a presumption of approval, the government has already received enough H1B applications to reach the H1B cap.
USCIS had reportedly received petitions amounting to 71 percent of the annual H1B cap by August 18 and the remainder was received in the weeks since then. Based on applications already received, the State Department will issue the H1B throughout the coming fiscal. This means that fresh applicants will have to wait for the year FY 2006 H1B quota.
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| posted by maldita @ 2:20 AM
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| Monday, November 01, 2004 |
| to the americans... |
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| posted by maldita @ 9:24 PM
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| beauty and the beat |
Your Beauty lies in Mystery. Captivating, mysterious and alone. You are the girl in the little black number that no one seems to know, the eternal mystery girl. You make it a point to never let anyone know more about you than you want them to and do a very good job of it. You're there one minute and gone the next leaving them in
wonder of who you really are. A mature and normally calm individual, quiet and enjoy spending many hours of the day on your own, most likely preferring night to day . You love the dark and some may find you a bit strange. You seem to be rather distant and cold making hard for people to get close to you, though you probably like the distance they usually keep. You probably wear make-up, but concentrate more around your eyes than anything. You know the effect you have and enjoy keeping people in wonder.
Some Things That Represent You:
Element: Dark, Water
Animal: Panther
Color: Black, Maroon, Dark Tones
Song: In The Shadows by The Rasmus
Expression: Sly Smile
Gemstone: Black Diamond
Mythological Creature: Demon, Vampire
Sign: Scorpio
Planet: Venus
Hair Color: Black
Eye Color: Garnet
Quote: "In the shadows for all time."
Where Does Your Beauty Lie?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| posted by maldita @ 7:13 PM
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