 |
| Tuesday, December 30, 2003 |
|
so many terms of endearment...sweety, dear, honey...i use them all with fervor only towards significant few. Sweety is the term relegated to be the most selective among the three. Last night harvey and vinchi asked several questions as soon as they realized i was tipsy. They asked: so who is your boy? or better yet, who are your boys now? to which i answered...actually there's just one. I didn't want to elaborate too much though, and just gave a basic overview. Very very brief. What i didn't tell them is that he's the only one i call "baby".
Funny how all the way here in Hongkong i still manage to bump into people. This guy in the elevator last night stopped meand said he knew me in AIM. I never met him! but he seemed so nice and friendly and most probably from AIM so I just apologized for not remembering and wished him a happy new year. Same thing happened with several people in the hotel lobby and ferry station...familiar faces - filipinos - who paradoxically travel to another country only to yearn for other filipinos to be around them. hahahahaha!
I had fun re-reading all my blog entries starting in September. haha...its really amazing how much i've gone through in this year alone. JV says he's happy that i've been delighted lately because it makes up for all the crap i went through this year - starting with that break up. But within a few months everything went back to a sense of normalcy. Its the excitement of the new tomorrow and the uncertainty of what may happen that wakes you up each morning. I actually sleep with my phone beside my pillow. I like to check in the morning if i have some message to start the day right with.
Just talked to Debbie long distance...miss that girl. last night at least i got to talk to Cris - and introduced her to henry fool via yahoo messenger conference. Ane has also contacted me through text messages and emails. And yesterday i got a special surprise phone call from san fransisco. Awww i'm still blushing with delight. Like i said last night, thank God for technology.
|
posted by maldita @ 9:05 PM
 |
|
|
|
|
|
i went to Lan Kwai Fong tonight with a couple of old friends and we caught this band made up of pinoys...they sang this song that seemed so perfect...funny i only remembered it now...
A thousand miles by Vanessa Carlton
Making my way downtown
Walking fast, Faces passed and I'm home bound
Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way, making my way
Through the crowd
And I need youand i miss you
And now I wonder....
If I could fall into the sky...do you think time would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you tonight
It's always times like these when I think of you
And I wonder if you ever think of me
'Cause everything's so wrong and I don't belong
Living in your precious memories
'Cause I need you...and i miss you
And now I wonder....
If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you tonight
And I don't want to let you know
I drown in your memory
I don't want to let this go
Making my way downtown walking fast
Faces passed and I'm home bound
Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way, making my way through the crowd
And I still need you...and I still miss you
And now I wonder....
If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you
If I could just hold you tonight |
| posted by maldita @ 11:14 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
I AM IN HONGKONG! suffering from internet withdrawal after only four days. Not to mention i am missing my illuminating online conversations. I had to forsake purchasing a book on the making of Nightmare before Christmas to pay for this 24 hour internet access. I even checked out Pacific coffee that had wireless internet access but they were charging $3 every 10 minutes. Geez! at least this one is only $120 for 24 hours.
I also pretty ecstatic at my movie purchases here. Got to find a lot of Asian and indie film titles...
- In the Mood For Love (one of the sweetest and visually appealing movies i've seen)
- Blow (Johnny Depp is always good!)
- Ghost World
- Buffalo 66
- Flash Gordon (classic childhood memories!)
- Jamon Jamon
- The Smokers (Dominique Swain!)
- All Over the Guy
- Saving Grace
- Birthday Girl
- The Rules of Attraction
- God of Cookery
- Last Hero in China (Jet Li!)
- Battle Royale
- Novocaine
- Trainspotting
- The Way of the Dragon (Bruce Lee!)
You may see some mainstream ones in the list too but hey, i love them all! movieeeees! all for around HK$18 each! that's DVDs in HMV for ya!
anyway, even if i wasn't able to post a journal entry lately, i wrote one just as i arrived here:
How do you respond to the old adage – if it’s too good to be true, it must be. Have we gotten that cynical and contemptuous or is it just reality knocking on our door? And do we want to answer it or go about our daily lives as they once were. And another cliché sprouts – ignorance is bliss. Sometimes we create our own problems. Just like in Bloom County where every person has an anxiety closet, mine seem to be rooted in the past. I once thought I was cursed. That after three months, my fears rear their ugly heads. And I can pat myself on the back with a jackhammer for predicting it. As soon as I alleged that this was just a fabrication of my mind's eye, it vanished. So are our fears basically personal monsters exaggerated for our own artistic streams? Or are they prophetic caveats?
I have been told many times of my strong intuition. It proves to be true at some times but I have yet to unearth its real power. So I cannot tell between my supposed instinct and basic trepidation. I think many others have tried to one-up their partners in order to avoid a future encounter with a brick wall of indifference. “I will leave before he or she leaves me”. As if that would make things better. Over time I have chosen the road less proud and have the wounds on my feet to show for it. But fortunately some scars heal and disappear, while others remain fresh and prickly. I look back from time to time and contemplate if I am better off being the cold hearted witch that will remain unscathed by unrequited love. Wearing shoes made of skepticism and an armor of doubt for whatever crosses my path... but then I foresee only a world-weary outlook. So I continue on my unpredictable road, carrying my heart on a silver platter of vulnerability for all to see.
Today I realized that I have been hearing the right words from the wrong mouth. I am a sucker for amorous words. But the one I yearn for to express some form of reassurance sends me more sincerity in his silence. And the one with the lyric of love rests on apathetic ears. Does that make sense to you? Maybe the heart transcends lexis.
Or maybe parsimonious words have more credence since they are treated special and given only when certainty is behind their composition.
It is so cold here in Hongkong, good cuddling weather. I took it all in this evening. I placed myself in the intersection outside my hotel building where locals run hastily. It’s like a movie scene with one person inert in a realm of blurry lined figures. With each puff of my cigarette, I am secretly calling for you inside my mind. |
| posted by maldita @ 12:13 AM
|
|
|
|
| Thursday, December 25, 2003 |
|
As I walked home from Christmas mass I noticed a couple of things. Let’s get a few things straight first. I hear mass every Sunday with my family without fail at 10:30am in San Antonio. We always stand at the left side of the church. But during holidays, we prefer to walk to the Bel-Air park and stand instead at the back of the chairs where we have a clear view of the church and altar. This time, my brother and I stood while my parents and sister sat down at the last aisle. I prefer to stand actually. I seem to pay better attention at what’s going on or being said in the sermon than if I plopped on a pew. What was amusing was watching my dad. He was fidgeting. Aaah this is where I get my restlessness. He wasn’t used to sitting down either. I like watching my dad. He has these quirks that make him interesting to listen to or simply observe. And he’s full of surprises. Just like the smile he reserves for exceptional circumstances, it merits lingering until the event happens.
After mass, Erik and I decide to loiter around to catch some old acquaintances and a surreptitious cigarette. We agree to meet up later at the park bench which I have dubbed mine. My favorite bench. It has been witness to despondent separations, jovial reunions, enlightening conversation and my solitary confinement. This is where I go to either meet friends or simply drench in my own daydreams. I also venture here to notice niceties that seem mundane and yet capriciously provide the best canvas for my reflection.
That night was Christmas Eve. Everyone disperses from a single hub into a multitude of men setting out to enjoy the flavors of Noche Buena. As I sat there on the bench, several men were cleaning up the covered court that had, for only an hour, been a holy place. They were working hard to stack the chairs, sweep the floors and throw any inconsiderate litter. These people are working on Christmas Eve. They weren’t with their families. They probably couldn’t wait to finish the jobs and possibly get home in time for midnight to feast on what their wives had prepared. The most significant aspect here is time. This was the time when all families were supposed to enjoy together. Time is the most underestimated of luxuries. So easy to give yet taken for granted. Unless it is taken away. And every second that passes it IS taken away. Never to return.
As we walked home, I saw garbage men toiling over our cans and bags. I saw taxi drivers roaming the streets looking for passengers. I thought of the old man who unfailingly sells newspapers in the street facing my village gate every single day. He could have been there too. On Christmas, a day when everyone is grateful to have been given a savior that signifies our existence in this world…and people go on living the cards they were dealt. I feel so fortunate yet helpless.
The next day I made sure I gave everyone in my family a hug and told them that I loved them. It is really easy to do when you feel it burning in your heart. The time I have with them is just too valuable to take for granted. I am so lucky.
|
| posted by maldita @ 11:20 AM
|
|
|
|
| Wednesday, December 24, 2003 |
|
MERRY CHRISTMAS everybody!
hope everyone's as happy as i am.
love and hugs from margie :D |
| posted by maldita @ 10:29 PM
|
|
|
|
| Monday, December 22, 2003 |
|
What a nice serene Monday. I spent the afternoon browsing in Powerbooks in Greenbelt. I bought Bodega Dreams by Ernesto Quinonez. I only made my decision among the many paperbacks calling out to me because I was struck by a paragraph about being happy with the company of oneself. And of course the topic of Spanish harlem was intriguing. I was actually just waiting to meet up with my friend JV for a cuppa joe and overdue conversation. Figaro being the most conjusive, we spent the next few hours pouring over our blissful Christmas this year. See, he just got together with my other friend, Trika. And they are just perfect for each other. Me? I’d rather not talk about it with the blogger public for the moment…and privately revel in my personal delight :) don’t worry, pretty soon the overwhelming elation will bring me to a loquacious level.
We talked of how fate plays its hand. For a former control freak, I have only begun to appreciate the freedom and liberation that spontaneity brings. We don’t know what’s going to happen in the future and no amount of preparation can accurately hit the bulls-eye. But we can enjoy the ride. Too much time is spent worrying and coordinating certain events to happen when you want it to, and yet the best pleasantries happen in the setting of a surprise. If you think you’ve done your part in making this world better, then sit back and be prepared for the world to give it back to you. The butterflies in my tummy have rid me of any need to eat or sleep but they remind me of how my mind wanders free to speak of serendipity and the Taoist notion that everything is part of a paramount plan.
But bear in mind that your ingredient in all this is the choices you make. Sometimes the universe can lead you towards a certain route but you prefer to be stuck in oblivion. That is a choice. Last night I spoke to a friend about the existence of a certain “glitch”…though it doesn’t have to be a negative blip in the chart. It could be the ironic flaw that makes things more interesting and ideal…just provide the positive perspective. …And the guts to jump in and enjoy the leap of faith.
|
| posted by maldita @ 4:04 AM
|
|
|
|
| Sunday, December 21, 2003 |
|
music consumption...with a batch of DVDs left to watch like Identity, 28days later, a guy thing (how did that get there?) and Spirited Away that are stacked up on my bed still untouched...but im still in the process of experiencing these new songs that have been brought inside my realization realm. This is my new favorite song sung by Dan Wilson of Semisonic & Bic Runga. I got attached to the tune but now i've become more smitten because of the words that best exemplify a beautiful feeling...that i may have or just want to have :)
GOOD MORNING BABY
Between an overload of information
And a striving for a pure dedication I find myself looking for the exit sign
See your pretty face in the sunshine
In the morning after staying up all night I want to wake you just to hear you tell me it's alright
And all I want to be is too much sometimes for me
Good morning baby
I hope I'm gonna make it through another day
Good morning baby I hope I'm gonna make it through another day
See the stars and all the planets
Fly the great wide world and have it all
Yeah better get a ticket better get in line
I'm praying now for beautiful weather
Take a car and drive forever but I'm only ever sitting at the traffic light
And all the world to see is too much sometimes for me
Good morning baby I hope I'm gonna make it through another day
(And when you rise) And when you rise you'll find me here
(Open your eyes) And see myself reflected there
(And for a while) A little room becomes an everywhere
|
| posted by maldita @ 10:17 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
Emerald City by Joel RL Phelps and the downtown trio
i finally found it
by working my way all around it
i'm gonna surround it
soon everything is going to be fine
ican do what I say
when I went to the rental (?)
those costumes were so continental
how coincidental
they said everything would be fine, hey
iI can do what I say
i'm lost in a sweet dream
i'm living on chocolate ice cream
i'm letting off my steam
now everythings going to be fine
i think I'm ready to go
|
| posted by maldita @ 9:54 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Just watched Lord of the Rings Return of the King last night. Oh goody goody gumdrops! it was awesome...i could watch it over and over again. From the first minute until the end, I could not get off the edge of my seat - even to take a leak. After over three hours we were still wishing it would not end. I am trying very hard not to talk too much about the movie so as not to spoil anyone's viewing pleasure...maybe over the holidays i can describe it more. But clearly it did not disappoint. Breathtaking aerial shots of Rohan, the mountain tops and war fields... |
| posted by maldita @ 9:26 PM
|
|
|
|
| Saturday, December 20, 2003 |
|
i just realized how much loyalty and friendship means to me. I am very selective with who i think are my lifelong friends and they are so much a part of me from then on. When they cry or feel bad, so do i. People wonder why i have over 400 friends in this darn friendster shit...well when i meet someone i'm initially very good to them. I treat them all the same - with sincerity and care. But just because i treat them like that doesn't mean they will do the same for me, and that's where the difference lies. Those who have actually returned it show who really know what friendship is about. and love me back. Right now, I can give you all of their names at the drop of a hat. These are the people who would rush to my house at friggin five o'clock in the morning just because i needed them. And that's the same time, sweat and tears they will receive from me.
I spent today with Marc and Frances. We had a leisurely lunch and watched a movie. I also went to watch a Christmas Play to support Martin since he was directing it. Even if i was tired as hell, I went to meet up with Debbie in Capones and saw Topsy and Poch too. The things we do for people who we think are worth it. And when that is gone - the trust, sincerity and care - it is virtually impossible for me to forget. Every minute, hour or day is significant. And a lot can happen in just a few seconds. Moving on...no looking back.
Right now i'll just revel in the thought of how giddy with delight i've been with the thought of...
and how happy i will be every morning when i wake up - all because of you.
i know i have too many blind items in this journal but i'll just keep this identity to myself for a while |
| posted by maldita @ 11:44 AM
|
|
|
|
| Friday, December 19, 2003 |
|
Not feeling so well today...have a bit of a tummy ache. Had to lug my slug of a bod to Mercury Drug in Rockwell to buy some medicine. I mustered up enough strength to pass by Odyssey to check out the DVDs and am pretty pleased I got a copy of Whit Stillman's Barcelona. After catching one of his movies "Metropolis", i find the man's screenplays fascinating.
For reasons i cannot define at the moment, I am putting together a CD compilation of songs...for no one. I know this goes against all the rules of tape making identified in High Fidelity, i'm enjoying my own personal reflection in the absence of empathy.
Currently listening to Radiohead, Coldplay and Remy Shand... |
| posted by maldita @ 1:35 AM
|
|
|
|
| Wednesday, December 17, 2003 |
|
i have not slept a wink. Henry Fool and I had dinner last night in one of the most beautiful poolside areas i've seen. Thanks to neva’s sweet invitation. With the wind blowing a slight current, it was a limpid pool within an art deco fantasy with just the sky to surround you. Plus i got to see neva, ramon, paula, alia, lia, quark and chris after a long absence.
Then went to Capones so that we could meet henryfool's battalion of cousins. We likened the experience to what his family calls "the circle of death" but i found it actually endearing and it was a amusing to answer all their questions and share their stories. There was the couple awaiting the birth of their baby in three months, the other just-married couple returning from their honeymoon, another cousin who I found out I had common friends with, and a pair of sisters who were visiting manila from japan and L.A. respectively. Everyone except the expecting mother of course, had enough to drink and were enamored by the setting of Capones and the band’s music. Even all the picture taking was not enough to make me feel uncomfortable. I felt like I was sharing a part of their kin’s habits, nuances and glee.
A few hours later they dropped us off in Yaku to meet up with Debbie and being used to the scene in Capones, he kinda got jolted out of his comfort zone. As soon as the crowd dispersed, we spent the next three hours in my house talking about topics that would usually not exist in a normal conversation. Speak of social and internal progression, decisions in life, trivial pursuits and familial relations. In a span of a hundred and eighty minutes, the banter evolution reached a point that is usually contained in a few months’ relationship with anyone else. Maybe it was the fact that we were pressed for time and we wanted to make every second have as much significance as possible. I must admit it was pretty sweet to watch the exquisite pink sun rise with someone in my garden besides my laptop when I’m busy finishing a report or presentation. But for whatever reason it may be, I got to start my day with an unrelenting smile that my friends said they haven’t seen me had in a VERY long time.
He left at 10am today. And I am left with his Christmas gift that has an ironic mix of regrets of departure and gratitude for serendipitous events. Remembering a previous blog entry,” I can speak of transitory affairs that have been replete with fervor and intensity amidst its fleeting reality.”
I have the satisfaction of meeting people that add to the intensity of my life experiences. And if others have not realized it yet, it is found in stimulating conversation and comfortable silences. Intensity is when you dance with the beats of the minds and souls of others intertwined with your own. |
| posted by maldita @ 7:48 PM
|
|
|
|
| Tuesday, December 16, 2003 |
|
“I HAVE to leave.” Why do such words ring in your ears for days on end? When you first hear them from a friend’s lips, you get engrossed in a state of denial telling yourself that maybe you can change their minds. But most of us who have heard these indelible words know any effort is futile.
I am guilty of this denial and continue to replay events in my head, as if changing them could have contributed to my future defense. But most of the time this is done in secret. The other person in question does not even know of this internal conflict that plagues me. Call it internal pride or the lack thereof. But I think I have mastered the art of walking away gracefully.
This is not even limited to lovers lost, or nomadic companions but also with friends who have lost their luster or simply my cornucopia of memories. You can only see evidence of this when you engage me in a conversation that pertains to topics other than the practical or corporate. My stories are filled with people I’ve met, situations I have found myself in and even more separations. Note the past tense. Let’s go back there again shall we?
I used to think I bored people with my stories. As you notice their eyes starting to wander or their gaze beginning to go blank, you know they lost interest. But instead of giving in to that bout of insecurity and shutting myself down, I kept finding people who evidently wanted me to give them juicy insights and analysis of certain events. One such example is my classmate Gwen who has admitted that she consumed my blog like a daily soap opera and she is plagued by the question of who the bastards are. As I’ve gotten older, I have found more deserving creatures who value me and what I think. They are those who have found the lessons to be learned in my pain and disentanglements. And they’ve also learned to walk away gracefully.
My birthday parties are always very hard to plan. I have found friends and loved ones from all different sectors and social circles. No one is better or more superior to the rest, and they just cannot morph together like magnets of the same polar caps. Even this year I had to celebrate it in three phases – three days with three very different groups of friends. This is the raison d'être for my fruitless exploration for the perfect mate. I need someone who is itinerant... like me. Someone who can be at home with different walks of life, never being judgmental of anyone and appreciates the fact that everyone contributes to their maturity evolution.
If I stopped moving, I would die. I am a vagrant who needs to constantly move about to keep her sanity and her progression. Heaven forbid I would have to stand still and rot in utter uselessness. This is why I HAVE to leave next year. Everyone wondered why I skipped recruitment night last week with the chance to meet with top MNC contacts. It is because I am adamant on moving to a new realm. I fancy a new circle of consciousness outside my comfort zone that is called the Philippines. So much apprehension plagues me, I admit but every dream I have and persistent cipher from the universe continues to point in the direction of confronting that fear. Even astrologers who have analyzed my stars over the years say this is the composition of my destiny. Even in CIE class when Prof. Morato spoke of developing yourself before you can develop a company to success acquainted me to my immediate ambition.
I am the wandering beatnik.
Take things a day at a time, living it up to its satiated capacity.
I think it was James Dean, the beatnik of generations that said: Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today. |
| posted by maldita @ 2:15 AM
|
|
|
|
| Sunday, December 14, 2003 |
|
You are Janice.You dig the groove man, nothing can bum you out.
Too bad you're too stoned to notice.
INSTRUMENT:Like, you know, guitar, fer sure.
LAST BOOK READ:"Finding Your Past Lives on the Web"
FAVORITE EXPRESSION:"Fer sure, like, fer sure."
FAVORITE THINGS:Peace, love and, like, granola, totally.
NEVER LEAVES HOME WITHOUT:Her inner child.
What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
|
| posted by maldita @ 11:25 PM
|
|
|
|
| Friday, December 12, 2003 |
|
| i met someone last night. let's call him henry fool...have made a pact with my new friend. He will watch The Godfather 1&2 (geezus! how can you go through life not watching them??) and City of God while I will watch Henry Fool and Spirited Away. |
| posted by maldita @ 8:13 AM
|
|
|
|
| Monday, December 08, 2003 |
|
Quote Garfield: I hate Mondays.
Quote Rob Gordon (John Cusack) in High Fidelity: Should I bolt every time I get that feeling in my gut when I meet someone new? Well, I've been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I've come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.
I think it was good that the cable connection of our new flatscreen tv was on the blink so I ended up watching my dvd of High Fidelity. I just answered the question why some people keep coming back into your life like some bad rerun. Heaven forbid that you think its because they’re your damn soulmate or the universe has instinctively brought you together for some mundane romantic reason. Use your brain. It’s because of unfinished business. The operative fragment being “finished”…you need to finish things and once you’ve done that then you move on.
My advice to the a man who shall remain nameless as of today…
Quote from Rob Gordon: I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments.
Something so palpable revealed itself to me yesterday. Clear as day, or even more apt, it was clear as the night sky. I was thinking about it as my friends and I were nursing our last rum cokes and glaring up at the sky from Capone’s balcony. I can just hear my first ex-boyfriend lecturing me on using my head instead of my heart in affairs such as this. He couldn’t stop exclaiming in disbelief at how I didn’t distinguish a recent ill-fated relationship earlier than two years. The recent one took me six months to realize and now this one has taken me only two months. Maybe I’m getting better at this ha ha.
Anyway, Rob Gordon’s soliloquy elaborates that he had to go backwards in time to understand his failed relationship. Like an old Bruce Springsteen song. I didn’t even have to go back in time. For the past 8 months they have all come back to me. I think I have come across around 5 what ifs and maybes. Some I wanted to kick myself about like: “what the hell was I thinking?!” or “hey, we really don’t connect” or “been there done that, NEXT please!” So after all this what the hell is left? I am tired. So many friends advised me to take a breather and stop dating madmen and bastards. But disregarded them all then. Now I can say…I gave it all a shot and now I’m just breathing a sigh of relief. I have no remnants of them that I can’t chalk up to experience.
I actually was supposed to have a date last Saturday with a really nice guy. I made it into a semi-date by going out with friends and told him to meet up with us later. See, I finally constituted that a date is only a date when he picks you up, pays for everything and brings you home. Of course there are disparities if you both know you’re friends and he just gratuitously paid for your drink or dinner. So things worked out great and we’re supposed to have dinner this week. But I have a speech planned. If he wants to be friends, that’s all I can muster up right now. It’s all I’m really capable of at the moment. And I’m just essentially excited to take the job in UK next year. I don’t want him to be another transitional guy - he’s been so sweet and nice – His efforts don’t warrant that.
Barry (Jack Black): Rob, top five musical crimes perpetuated by Stevie Wonder in the 80s and 90s? Go...sub-question...is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins, is it better to burn out or fade away?
The storm occurred last night. After the art exhibit activity for CIE class yesterday at around 8pm. I was sobbing almost hysterically on the dark isolated steps near the dorm lobby. Everyone was passing by oblivious to my despair. But Alex detected me and sat down in absolute silence. When I composed myself I told him what I was going through. Later on, as he looked at the artworks that I had exhibited, he said something to this effect – how can people see only one facet of you when this shows otherwise? Last night was the first time I showed my art to others except my closest friends and boyfriends. Maybe because it reveals a lot about what I’ve gone through and who I am. Parts of my soul. If you haven’t seen them yet, I don’t think you’re worth it then.
And so I end with this quote from the man himself:
…”Have you got any soul?” a woman asks the next afternoon. That depends, I feel like saying; some days yes, some days no. A few days ago I was right out; not I’ve got loads, too much, more than I can handle. I wish I could spread it a bit more evenly, I want to tell her, get a better balance, but I can’t seem to get it sorted. I can see she wouldn’t be interested in my internal stock control problems though, so I simply point to where I keep the soul I have, right by the exit, just next to the blues. - Nick Hornby, “High Fidelity”, In Music
|
| posted by maldita @ 9:15 PM
|
|
|
|
| Sunday, December 07, 2003 |
|
| why did i see that stupid magazine? i just went to get silver ink for my project in the bookstore and i HAD to stop and see that damn cover. Times like these I wish I was more forgetful than i already am. I remembered the damn photoshoot. and so i looked. Times like this i wish i was blind. and i had a knife to cut my fucking heart off my sleeve. |
| posted by maldita @ 10:59 PM
|
|
|
|
| Saturday, December 06, 2003 |
|
Here comes the sun...
i haven't stayed up for two days straight without sleeping in a while...but i got the damn MRR done! I was lying in bed this morning - that seductive set of sheets and pillows - and thought about how drained i was. and unhappy. Yeah i got this sense of accomplishment from doing 60 pages full of statistics, analysis and insight about the food retailing industry, the factors that drive demand and customer analysis. But in all honesty, only one thing enlightened me. As i read 100 surveys conducted in various MRT stations I saw just how the other half lives. Most of my respondents (a term i used like a bottle of free metamphetamines) were women who earned only as much as 15 grand a month and stayed home on the weekends to be with their families or went to church. They couldn't afford to go to the mall or know that they will be spending money they don't have there anyway. and they worked on weekends sometimes. kinda makes you appreciate your life right?
i'm busy thinking now about the book review i'm going to write. need to get my feet wet. i'm going to enter that contest in fully booked. i told a friend i was kinda apprehensive about putting myself out there for public scrutiny but what the hell. I guess this blog is enough practice. on monday i'm going to be showing my art in an exhibit for CIE class again. i always look forward to mondays now. too bad its the last session. i put them all in a book entitled either "remanente del amor" or "mate a mi amor"...
each piece is for a man who i had to get over. some are portraits some are just abstract work. all black and white, pen and ink, pointillism illustrations. I haven't made one for the deliberate bastard yet. i only do my pieces as i attempt to move on from these passion pacifiers. as my dream interpretation confirmed, i have everything i need when i'm with him. |
| posted by maldita @ 12:29 AM
|
|
|
|
| Thursday, December 04, 2003 |
|
since i barely have time to write today...i just took some tests. i should be researching dammit! ok...back to you quizilla:
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
Artistic
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and creativity, and usually are highly intelligent. Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.
What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Feel free to give me comments, violent reactions or whatever you want to say about these results :) take care all! i'll be back to party mode after 5pm tomorrow! i gotta make up for a week's sabbatical from inebration...hanging with my baker boys and debbie girl tomorrow yipppeee! :D |
| posted by maldita @ 6:48 AM
|
|
|
|
| Tuesday, December 02, 2003 |
|
 i'm not sure what frustrates me more...it's getting cold with no one to hug (well, actually i always get my hug quota for the day but that's not the point) or the stress finishing my MRR industry study by friday which means i'm practically been unresponsive to a lot of friends this past week...
but the weather is STILL very enjoyable. I sit outside in my garden (working on the MRR dammit) and with a cigarette in my hand and sweater in tow...aaaaaah! it's christmas time! |
| posted by maldita @ 11:36 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
no matter what test i take, i always seem to be hooked to the scorpio man...
You should be dating a Scorpio.
23 October - 21 November
Your mate is passionately caring, dynamic and
sensual. Though he or she can be self-
destructive, ruthless or overbearing, the
scorpion's sex life involves releasing his/her
most pent-up passions.
What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
brought to you by Quizilla
|
| posted by maldita @ 12:30 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
