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| Tuesday, December 30, 2003 |
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I AM IN HONGKONG! suffering from internet withdrawal after only four days. Not to mention i am missing my illuminating online conversations. I had to forsake purchasing a book on the making of Nightmare before Christmas to pay for this 24 hour internet access. I even checked out Pacific coffee that had wireless internet access but they were charging $3 every 10 minutes. Geez! at least this one is only $120 for 24 hours.
I also pretty ecstatic at my movie purchases here. Got to find a lot of Asian and indie film titles...
- In the Mood For Love (one of the sweetest and visually appealing movies i've seen)
- Blow (Johnny Depp is always good!)
- Ghost World
- Buffalo 66
- Flash Gordon (classic childhood memories!)
- Jamon Jamon
- The Smokers (Dominique Swain!)
- All Over the Guy
- Saving Grace
- Birthday Girl
- The Rules of Attraction
- God of Cookery
- Last Hero in China (Jet Li!)
- Battle Royale
- Novocaine
- Trainspotting
- The Way of the Dragon (Bruce Lee!)
You may see some mainstream ones in the list too but hey, i love them all! movieeeees! all for around HK$18 each! that's DVDs in HMV for ya!
anyway, even if i wasn't able to post a journal entry lately, i wrote one just as i arrived here:
How do you respond to the old adage – if it’s too good to be true, it must be. Have we gotten that cynical and contemptuous or is it just reality knocking on our door? And do we want to answer it or go about our daily lives as they once were. And another cliché sprouts – ignorance is bliss. Sometimes we create our own problems. Just like in Bloom County where every person has an anxiety closet, mine seem to be rooted in the past. I once thought I was cursed. That after three months, my fears rear their ugly heads. And I can pat myself on the back with a jackhammer for predicting it. As soon as I alleged that this was just a fabrication of my mind's eye, it vanished. So are our fears basically personal monsters exaggerated for our own artistic streams? Or are they prophetic caveats?
I have been told many times of my strong intuition. It proves to be true at some times but I have yet to unearth its real power. So I cannot tell between my supposed instinct and basic trepidation. I think many others have tried to one-up their partners in order to avoid a future encounter with a brick wall of indifference. “I will leave before he or she leaves me”. As if that would make things better. Over time I have chosen the road less proud and have the wounds on my feet to show for it. But fortunately some scars heal and disappear, while others remain fresh and prickly. I look back from time to time and contemplate if I am better off being the cold hearted witch that will remain unscathed by unrequited love. Wearing shoes made of skepticism and an armor of doubt for whatever crosses my path... but then I foresee only a world-weary outlook. So I continue on my unpredictable road, carrying my heart on a silver platter of vulnerability for all to see.
Today I realized that I have been hearing the right words from the wrong mouth. I am a sucker for amorous words. But the one I yearn for to express some form of reassurance sends me more sincerity in his silence. And the one with the lyric of love rests on apathetic ears. Does that make sense to you? Maybe the heart transcends lexis.
Or maybe parsimonious words have more credence since they are treated special and given only when certainty is behind their composition.
It is so cold here in Hongkong, good cuddling weather. I took it all in this evening. I placed myself in the intersection outside my hotel building where locals run hastily. It’s like a movie scene with one person inert in a realm of blurry lined figures. With each puff of my cigarette, I am secretly calling for you inside my mind. |
posted by maldita @ 12:13 AM
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