:: musings of a misfit ::: July 2003
Thursday, July 31, 2003
So much has happened this week...and so many has not happened. Both make me sad.
As soon as i walked in my library this evening, the astrologer told me i should rest. I need it. well she must have felt my aura or something. Maybe she felt my depression and confusion. I really was planning to go away to Davao next weekend. For no apparent reason, just want to leave things behind and forget for a while. maybe lie in the beach.

tomorrow is the party and the red/orange lights part of my plan didn't push through. too much work. spent so much on that darn celophane. well i'll use it for the emergency par64 lights i got to rent at the last minute. hope it still gives the whole chill vibe i was looking for. I don't even know how i'm going to juggle classes tomorrow plus the set up. well, things usually work out for the best right?

so when someone won't call or text you...there must be a reason. not a reason for not calling but a reason why this person isn't worth your time and effort. Sounds right but i'm having a hard time not feeling bad about it. thanks Aris, for the shoulder to cry on.

...I had a talk with my dad going home from school. it's nice to hear from your own dad that he thinks you make a good girlfriend. And my dad isn't a man of many words. So i guess it felt good. How did he know i needed to hear that? i love my dad and really value what he thinks of me, his little girl. He said if i had any fault it's that i baby these guys or am too good - when the guy should be doing that effort. well...love like you're never going to get hurt right? although most often you do. or i do.

i'm blabbering...sorry bout that. i like to blabber when i'm lost. makes me feel like i know what i'm doing even when i don't. blab blab blab.

Vince went with me to the San Miguel sales office today in Sta. Ana to pick up the 30 cases of pale pilsen and sanmig light for tomorrow's party. What's great is all that beer is free! thanks to the sponsorship we got. I'm really excited to hear Sound play tomorrow. And my bro just finished two flash presentations of beach and sunset pics which we will be playing as backdrop to the whole party. does that sound good? I think i'll drink a lot tomorrow night. just to unwind.
posted by maldita @ 8:30 AM  
Monday, July 28, 2003
have you seen the latest trailer of Pirates of the Caribbean? I want to watch it! yay something to look forward to again! :)
posted by maldita @ 12:22 PM  
for some reason unbeknownst to my conscious self, i cannot friggin sleep! and i have to go to class at 8am!
i think i've tried most of the things that make me go right to bed but nothing works! why why why...
geezus. now my foot is asleep!

remember i once mentioned carrie had a new boy? Jack Berger...well as life imitates tv more often than not, both our "jack's" are good and gone. want some more updates on sex and the city? samantha has got a new guy...and he's whoa! he may look familiar since he modeled for Tommy Hilfiger, Hugo Boss, Byblos and Ray Banwhy don't you see for yourself:



did you know that reese witherspoon now earns more than either sandra bullock or meg ryan? how is that possible? i think she's earning around $15m per movie now thanks to Legally Blonde's success. And reese is pregnant again! talk about blessed life!

posted by maldita @ 12:16 PM  
i'm so tense...
i'm freaking out about this friday's party! i sure hope it does well. every spare hour i have this week is already committed to doing something for it! pick up the check, get the permit for the beer, pick up the beer, buy the materials for decorations, buy the candles, pay the caterer, the mobile, aaaaaaaurgh!!!

oh drat. have to read my cases for tomorrow's classes. will go now. bye-bye.
posted by maldita @ 7:31 AM  
Saturday, July 26, 2003
aaah relaxing weekend...
didn't do much except stay in bed and read my book "I don't know how she does it" which came highly recommended by Dondi's cousin, Denise. I love it! full of british wit...imagine bridget jones who got married, had two kids and is now working as a fund manager. you get the picture.

well yesterday i was just bedridden thanks to my flu. i was literally passed out because engulfed half a bottle of tuseran which made me tingly all over and pretty much high. today i was fine though. being in bed for so long made me long to get out and run in the street. hehe. instead, i went out with joy, ian and pia to watch Tim Tayag in comfort room. I've only seen him perform once before so i decided to join them. As usual there was the ventriloquist guy who was really getting killed...then Big Bang Cherry which was just as hilarious as the last time...and tim with some new jokes. Both BBC and Tim were great and my friends had so much fun! you guys have to catch the show soon! every saturday at Comfort Room. My friends were disappointed that tim only had one set and could relate very much to the tabo kwento...and they also said it was definitely worth the 200 bucks they paid! haha. i told ya so! :)
posted by maldita @ 10:10 AM  
Friday, July 25, 2003
Just watched my new vcd: Barefoot in the Park starring Bridget Fonda and Robert Redford. I always enjoy old movies. maybe because they're wholesome yet aren't necessarily conservative. Hmm did that make sense? for example, the couple doesn't leave the hotel room for 6 days but the sex implication is not distasteful. Also the scene where jane fonda is reaching for the heater with their neighbor giving her a boost and getting a full view of her lace undies. robert redford goes out of the room to see this and stops in his tracks. But he's not suspicious of her or him at all. huh? in modern times the husband would have probably beaten the old man to death by now. so how much has changed over the years? remember this was set in the 60s.

I watched Down With Love last weekend with Marc and Frances. Also set in the 60s. You have to see this movie. The mantra is down with love but not sex. I thought that when you talk about the old days they were more conservative? but apparently sex was pretty much rampant then. Women just dressed better then! hehe...but really, i like the outfits of those days. If you see the movie, watch out for the split screen scene with Ewan in a towel (hoo boy)...

Shift back to present time...watched Tomb Raider 2 with Tim last Tuesday. The movie was pretty good for me, i mean the action scenes were pretty creative and cool. Although my complaint lies with the director. Most of the scenes were not shot at different angles, usually just one which really was a waste of good choreography don't you think? i liked the first Tomb Raider movie and hey that was directed by Simon West who is already an accomplished creative genius. The story was interesting also which got me and tim trying to figure out the script as the movie played on...that was fun hehe.

some negative points: i was eating the blandest popcorn! no salt or butter. any of my friends will tell you that i never eat popcorn that way. But nevertheless i saved my hips a few extra inches so i guess it's ok. (Ziggy: "that will go straight to your hips margie!") Ok but thanks to tim for yummy dinner at CPK (haven't eaten there since december!) i got to eat my ravioli yipee! :)

oh and another thing, they could have picked a hotter guy to play beside the ever-luscious Angelina Jolie. The accent only semi-made up for his lack of appeal.
posted by maldita @ 12:36 PM  
i've been sick since yesterday...i don't like feeling helpless like this. grrr.
thanks to all those who called to wish me well...
Thanks to this sinus congestion i cannot smell and lost my appetite for anything
the good thing is my tummy is shrinking heehee

listening to: Burning up by Kylie Minogue
Down in the disco
everything stops
walking in solo, everyone drops
hey summer madness, totally cool
my heart starts racing when i see you

I'm burning baby, i'm burning

Gonna quench your thirst...
you're not that honest, no you're not that nice
but if i kiss you once, can i kiss you twice
i'm burning baby, i'm burning...

Right now i'm downloading some chill out songs for the party this coming friday...everyday i come up with a new idea for the layout of the place...i hope we can start setting up the venue the night before...just so we can get a head start on things. i'm both excited and nervous. hope a lot of people show up!

posted by maldita @ 2:38 AM  
Thursday, July 24, 2003
Who wants to watch Mars Ravelo'sDARNA with me at the CCP? i might be able to get a group discount for us...
just send me an email!

I can't watch the opening night August 1 but let's go on one of the succeeding performances! our program director in AIM used to be head of Ballet Philippines i think so she said we could all go.


Did you know that DARNA started flying more than 50 years ago?

Darna, the celebrated Pinay super-heroine, created in 1951 by Mars Ravelo, will come soaring again, this time on Philippine stage through Ballet Philippines’ dance-musical production, DARNA. Ballet Philippines (BP), the country’s premier dance company, is all set to give the Filipino audience an innovative, action-packed combination of techno music, aerial movements, DJs, dancers on walls, acrobatics and all in our very own comic-book genre never before seen on Philippine stage. Complete with a mega-diva “kontrabida” Valentina, to be played by acclaimed stage performer Tex Ordonez and respected film/TV actress Chin-Chin Gutierrez with the singing boy toys Mio Infante, Filomar Tariao, Roeder Camañag, Roy Rolloda Raul Montesa and Jay Españo, Tim Yap as DJ Dalang and of course, the Pinay kick-ass super-heroine, Darna (to be played by Ballet Philippines’ dancers Christine Crame and Krisbelle Paclibar), the show promises to be a bold, spectacular production.

posted by maldita @ 12:45 AM  
Wednesday, July 23, 2003
just finished talking on the phone with a friend. He had two words to describe me: fragile bitch. haha. apparently he only knows three girls who fit that description and i'm one of them. one is his sister and the other is his best friend. people who see me as a strong toughie get surprised when they realize i got this soft side or whatever. I'm like mentos. Hard on the outside but soft in the inside. I really want a sign on top of my head that says FRAGILE.

I am not interested in emotional fuckwittage!
- from Bridget Jones Diary (the book, not the movie)
posted by maldita @ 11:20 AM  
Just witnessed the new video of Audioslave called "show me how to live"...i have found a man with the most perfect body and he's 39 years old.
Watch out for the concert scene where he is shirtless, showing a completely hairless, tanned, lean, fit body. Shot in the middle of the hot desert and yet not a single drop of sweat on his back...or front....oooooh baby!

He's changed every since he kinda cleaned up. The goatee is still there, the mussed up hair which is shorter now. I guess it's great that you can see his chiseled face more clearly. And those armsssss...



"What You Are" - by Audioslave

And when you wanted me
I came to you
And when you wanted someone else
I withdrew
And when you asked for a light
I set myself on fire
And if I go far away I know
You’ll find another slave

Chorus
Cos now I’m free from what you want
Now I’m free from what you need
Now I’m free from what you are

And when you wanted blood
I cut my veins
And when you wanted love
I bled myself again
Now that I’ve had my fill of you
I’ll give you up forever
And here I go far away
I know you’ll find another slave

Then a vision came to me
When you came along
I gave you everything
But then you wanted more
posted by maldita @ 7:36 AM  
Tuesday, July 22, 2003
Sound has finally uploaded their new site! click on "jazzfan" on the left border...
Congrats guys! looking forward to seeing you perform again! i'm suffering from Sound Withdrawal :)
posted by maldita @ 10:38 AM  
i'm having a discussion with a friend now about how difficult it is to enjoy the company of people who are just plain boring...well, maybe not really boring but more like...have you ever been out with a person and have nothing to talk about? you're racking your brain figuring out what the hell you can talk about and it's just too much effort. Duuh. I used to make the effort but now it's more like - forget it. Ayaw mo di wag. I just shut up.

I once set up two friends together and the girl really liked the guy. But when i asked the guy if he'd ask her out again he said no. Why? for that very same reason: he had to think of topics to talk about. Or else he could meditate for the next couple of hours. She was really interested in him though. So what the hell was the problem? They just don't fit, i guess. Funny though. I talk to both of them and there's never a lack of interest or an exertion of effort.

I was in a relationship where we couldn't talk about anything. Of course when he was courting (when was that?) me he was all interesting and interested. Then when we got together total dead silence in the car. don't get me wrong, i like comfortable silences. But that was just wierd. I once told my dad "when i'm with my boyfriend i'm ok because then i have time to meditate." i am not kidding.

I'm a pretty talkative person. I can talk about anything under the sun. So if i shut up...friends know there's either something wrong, i'm in another place or i'm just plain bored. And i hate boredom. Pet peeve.
posted by maldita @ 10:07 AM  
Monday, July 21, 2003
i know i said i wasn't going out...i was really just counting on just dinner tonight with a friend...but then we decided to check out this group who performed in Tongue in a Mood mo rin called Billy Banduria or something like that. Apparently they play music and have a stand-up routine thing...we went to Hobbit House to catch them but just missed by a few minutes! bummer...got to talk to the guy though, I think his name is kevin. Anyways, we enjoyed one of those rare performances by Freddie Aguilar. Galeng man! the guy can play the guitar like no one else. I also got to say hi to Joey Ayala...so many talented people in the place in one night! It was nice to bump into Triccia and Asli (of Sanctum) also after a long time. I should drop by again soon. Oh yeah Paolo Montalban was also there, more popular for his role in American Adobo than his solo music career hehe...

My favorite song of the moment: Half-life by Duncan Sheik"...Maybe i need to see the daylight to leave behind this half-life
Don't you see i'm breaking down
Lately, soemthing here don't feel right, this is just a half-life
Is there really no escape? No escape from time of any kind...
...but i don't mind a few mysteries, they can stay that way it's fine by me
and you are another mystery i'm missing
it take so much out of me, to pretend
Come on let's fall in love
wake me, let me see the daylight
save me from this half-life
let's you and i escape...escape from time
come on let's fall in love.
posted by maldita @ 11:24 AM  
Sunday, July 20, 2003
met duncan sheik today. will post pics as soon as i develop them. nuf said.
...yiheeeeeeeeeeee! :)
posted by maldita @ 8:51 AM  
Thursday, July 17, 2003
m so damn wasted but can still check mail but don't know if have strength to wake up for 9:30am class
worth it for a friend who's leaving...
be gone for at least a year
hope 2 go to greece next year for olympics...bunk on the floor and party some more

i love 80s music on 89.9WTM on fridays...
hope it rains tomorrow and will stay home to wallow

listening to: Cold Summer Nights by Francis Magalona
i realize i don't want a love...i want a love story.
posted by maldita @ 11:27 AM  
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
listening to: No Letting Go - by Wayne Wonder

I'm excited for CINEMANILA!!!
cinemanila website

the lineup looks good...thanks to Alexis for the info! too bad i didn't contact you earlier so my friend could enter his films sooner.
See you all there!
posted by maldita @ 6:10 PM  
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
I have to share the best dinner i've had in ages!
Last night we went to ziggy's house bec. zhar just got back from culinary school in new york. Isn't it so pinoy to ask for "sample"? hehe...so it was their family, friends and cousins...plus us. when we arrived, we started with this really good red wine and some small talk. Let's see, we started with scallops and brocolli with this raisin sauce, then gindara with caviar in this butter sauce and potato strips, then lobster on a cinnamon-y bread, steak in raspberry sauce and ended with apple pie with cream sauce, oreo cake and decadent chocolate cake. mouth-watering isn't it? the whole table was decked out with orange and red centerpieces and it was really great meeting their cousins who alternated speaking ilonggo and spanish haha! their house is already beautiful but the whole setup made me feel like we had our own personal fine dining restaurant...the red wine was also enough to go around. ziggy just kept filling our glasses the whole night! oh and how can i forget the krispy kreme donuts! :)

tonight we treated ziggy for his upcoming birthday in this indian restaurant since it's his favorite food. it also became his despedida since he's leaving for london on friday :( i feel kinda sad about it since we've all been hanging out a lot lately. I just hope he finds whatever it is he's looking for there...or wherever. he's such a good friend and person.
posted by maldita @ 10:33 AM  
Sunday, July 13, 2003
ok recap of my weekend...
Friday was kinda um...tiring, but good. Anyway, was my last day of work in Colgate Palmolive and I was getting kinda sad that I wouldn't be going to go in that gate anymore, no more smoke breaks with pao and trixie and having lunch with these really cool people (let's keep lunch sacred! as ricky would put it)...just to show them that i was really thankful for the short two months i had with them, i had two half-gallons of ice cream sent over for merienda. Raspberry Rapture and Cookies n' cream. They were really happy and touched. I'm glad that they enjoyed it so much. Really great people :) Wasn't really planning on going out in the evening but ended up hanging out with Mike and other friends in Nuvo then went with Emil to Dreambar afterwards. Had so much to drink as usual but still managed to bump and grind for a few hours. The only bummer was not being able to smoke inside...but hey i've kept my cigs down bec. of this new ordinance so i guess it's a good thing. I was real happy to have bumped into Boo Kyler in Nuvo who later greeted me as I went in the door of dreambar since he was hosting. Too bad Tim didn't hear him when I asked Boo to greet him too. Thought it would cheer him up a bit after the semi-celebrity/door-slamming incident...

Then saturday had a family lunch for my lolo's birthday with all his relatives from pampanga come in...it was cool. i also got to hang out with my cousin who i haven't seen in a year and brought him home all the way in alabang. it gave me a chance to pass by Libris Bookstore also and check out some stuff. Then on to watch Terminator 3 (terminatrix! haha) with frances, marc, jolly, khristine and ziggy. Can't say i looked forward to the movie but hey it was surprisingly really entertaining! then again, with my friends? they can make anything fun :) there were some really funny moments that i think we were the only ones that found it funny and so we were the only ones laughing in the whole theater. Guess that's why we're friends...then had yummy kilawin in Dencio's for dinner. I was thinking of just going home after that but then Monique texted to follow in Piper's. JJ and Gue also called to see what was up for the evening. We all met up in Piper's and stayed till around 230am. You know what's great about these small bars? everything is just so homey and comfortable. I ran into so many friends i haven't seen since college and met some new ones too. There was Stephen (singing again! yay!), Niles (who i never thought could sing!), Chris, Gia, Dondi (happy birthday buddy!), Sookie etc. The vibe was so good. Everyone jamming on stage with the band, singing to even the mushiest of songs (fine, we had to admit we knew all the words). What made my evening great was that I realized that you find yourself laughing and singing with these guys you just met. Well it also helps that you're friends with the band playing so you can request anything you like! hehe...although i really wanted to hear "Unwell"....

Today as usual is family day...but still had coffee with Dondi, Sookie and two other people tonight. And zig sent over a Krispy Kreme donut which his sis handcarried all the way from New york...yumyumyum! Good ending, donchatink? :)
posted by maldita @ 11:20 AM  
Thursday, July 10, 2003
I took this test in a class last schoolyear and got a tie between type 8 the challenger and type 9 the peacemaker. I took it again in an online test and I am now a type 2 the helper
Enneagram
free enneagram test

posted by maldita @ 10:35 PM  
I always wondered who I was...i enjoyed samantha's life but it's just too wild for me. I wanted to look and dress like Charlotte but I dislike her naivety. Miranda is just too rigid and "masungit" although i like the part about having a stable job. But maybe I want Samantha's job more, a public relations firm hmmm...but in more aspects I am Carrie. I am sure a lot of girls can relate to her but honestly, i feel like her psuedo-obsession with finding love, falling for the wrong guy, finding myself in the most trying of situations...is a reflection of what i've gone through and AM going through. I think i know who my Mr. Big is...but haven't found my Aidan yet. Maybe i just found my Jack :)


posted by maldita @ 8:27 PM  
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
Amazing how things change in a few months...just last May 28, 2003 (the damn archives don't work!) i took this quiz and it said i would fall in love with a taurus. That never happened.

Now i took the same quiz and look what i got...

scorpio lover



You'll Fall in Love With A Scorpio!


As a very sexual person yourself, you crave Scorpio's intense sexuality.
No doubt that your Scorpio will make the fire inside you burn!
For Scorpio, "passionate" is an understatement - the desire can be smothering.

Your Scorpio sees sex as sex, and love as love.

And if it's sexual, chances are your Scorpio is into it ... no matter how kinky.
Which is perfect for you, seeing as how you almost always want sex.

And if you think you are going to get your way with your Scorpio, think again!
Scorpio's want their way both in and out of the bedroom.
Luckily, your Scorpio is just passionate enough to give you exactly what you want.

What Sign Should Your Lover Be?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva


my life is complicated...i know.
I'll never reach my destination so i'll just enjoy the ride.
I may not be the perfect partner but at least it will be interesting. heehee. at least you can say you'll never be bored! my soap opera life never ends!
posted by maldita @ 3:33 AM  
I got it all wrong.
Once upon a time a few guys came up to me to talk about a friend of mine, jen. She and her long time boyfriend just broke up and the guys told me “the problem is, no one wants to ask her out because they all know she wants to get married already.” At that time I said, “I know. That’s not good. I should talk to her.” I never did. But you know what happened? In a few months she met a really good guy and they DID get married. She unconsciously screened all the bad seeds who would have just wanted to go out with her for the heck of it or weren’t that serious. How could I not have seen that?!

Well I can say I’m older than Jen and have gotten into more shit than her. I am scared of getting married at this point because I have still so much to do and learn. But you know what? I don’t want mediocre relationships anymore. I’m not settling for that and I sure as hell don’t want to waste time on that. It’s quality, not quantity. No more dates for me. I’m through with that. You tell me you like me? Well then be my friend first. You can’t like me unless you know me.
posted by maldita @ 3:12 AM  
Monday, July 07, 2003
listening to:
Two Solitudes by Level 42

I saw the longing in your eyes
But i failed to see the anguish you so cleverly disguise...
...I never knew your true intentions, they were better left unsaid
i brushed your tears aside but i couldn't wipe away the memories. I couldn't push that far behind
you came so full of regret, your body still remembers what your mind learned to forget

love is lost not found when trust breaks down, though everybody's love is in the air
always out of bounds when love comes down
too scared to find the wall of our despair

posted by maldita @ 8:38 AM  
Sunday, July 06, 2003
revelations from past encounters:

guy says: i want to date other people
guy mean: i want to date this other girl

guy says: i'm not ready for a relationship right now
guy mean: you're just not the girl i'm looking for

no, i didn't get this from a forwarded email. these have actually happened to me. needless to say i've learned from the past so now i'm more aware. either that or i've just become more jaded. but i don't think guys generally wanted to lie. they just don't know how to tell you the brutal truth. can you imagine if they ACTUALLY said what they meant? you'd be crying your brains out right now! so try to read between the lines...

Yesterday I had two friends come over to keep me company. Our discussion ranged from the mundane to the deep. I never thought i was a romantic. But both friends said i was. Which is why - now more than ever - i need to protect myself. my soap opera life has had so many exciting season finales that it needs some steady scriptwriting. It's also like a rollercoaster. You can't be riding the loops the whole time. notice there are the straight rails too? you need it to catch you breath.

The weekend was also like a rollercoaster. I don't really feel like putting in the details about it, especially my contemplative state yesterday. Just for an overview - went to Yaku to watch Overtone again last thursday then to Venezia. Friday was in Wasabi for the anniversary party & hiphop night. Saturday had my pictorial at Toch's and in the evening watched Tim perform (i have one word for all those who were there: Bopek!hahaha) in Comfort Room (my first time!) and then we went to Nuvo. I can say I was plastered drunk each night but at least I didn't make a fool of myself in any of the evenings and I was in the company of friends or a friend.

This is the last week of vacation. I think it was Tim who told me I shouldn't drink anymore this week. Definitely! i was trying to cram all the fun before going back to school but hey, i'll have weekends pa naman e. So what am i rushing for? :) I started fixing all my old cases just to get a feel of it. Can't believe i'm going to be back in that same old building for the next few months.
posted by maldita @ 9:01 PM  
 
 

she had eyes like two turntables mix(h)er in between my dreams and reality blend in ancient themes the bas(e)is of isis cross-faded to ankh the beat drops like a cliff over looking my heart - Saul Williams


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