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| Sunday, March 20, 2005 |
| dates, debate and difference in opinion |
Sometimes we assume to have other people summed up perfectly. Having known them for years, we confidently proclaim that we know what is best for them. The heart is in the right place but the logic? Maybe not. We forget to take into consideration the differences in which we relate to one another. We treat family differently, friends another way and then there are the objects of our affection. I tend to shudder when I ask a guy buddy what he thinks about the current guy I’m seeing only to get a vague or canned answer like: I think he’s ok. I was hoping for more enthusiasm or detailed criticism. In hindsight, that’s all they can see and being in the position of date – I should be a better arbitrator of his character, right? What I can use as evidence is how he relates to my friends (and more importantly, my brother) to help me conclude. It’s foolish when I think about the times a friend criticized my date only to result in me defending guy-in-question, painting and even better picture in my head – an embellishment of actuality.
Now I know why some people abhor set up dates. I’m still guilty of trying to pair people up because I have this opinion that they’ll hit if off. But I’ve opted to just make introductions and forgo foretelling the future.
I have to start resisting the urge to consider my personal biases as applicable to all.
Speaking of which, ever have someone vilify your taste in music or movies? It’s a major pain in the ass. I’ve voiced out at the highest decibel how I detest songs like The Reason by Hoobastink, but far be it for me to tell someone they suck for liking it. I’ve been put down time and again for liking music by Bamboo, Maroon 5 and J.Lo. In my quest for self-regulation, I think I’ve developed an ulcer from all this restraint. A wise man once said to be that the better critics in conversation are those who listen to your preference and recommend other pieces of work based on that particular reference. I for one would rather probe why they liked The Reason, or Alexander or Da Vinci Code. Maybe you’ll convince me to change my mind. But if I don’t, it doesn’t make me less than you. And vice-versa. Remember the aim is not to make others conform but to get to know the other person better. Debate need not be destructive. I find it a delicious and stimulating activity. |
posted by maldita @ 9:43 PM
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