| Monday, December 26, 2005 |
| afterglow. |
i hate being a procrastinator but i have to finally accept that i am. I am not OC...i'm just anal retentive. (i had to determine the right term to describe my compulsion to organize since just about everyone and their mother are self-professed OC freaks).
for the purpose of discussion and separation:
obsessive-compulsive personality - personality characterized by a strong need to repeat certain acts or rituals
anal retentive personality - (psychoanalysis) a personality characterized by meticulous neatness and suspicion and reserve; said to be formed in early childhood by fixation during the anal stage of development (usually as a consequence of toilet training)
so here i am, sitting on the floor with my laptop after wrapping the last of my gifts. I know it's the day after christmas but yeah, i didn't complete tying that last ribbon until this minute. The last batch were actually little candy bags for the waiters/security guards/bantays in capones. yes, i know it's not halloween but a little something is better than nothing. I just wanted them to know i appreciate the fact that they take care of me when i'm either walking like a puppet without her leg strings or i'm splattered on the street due to seven (or ten) rum cokes.
and i'm almost packed. had started putting in the random sweaters and jackets i'm bringing to HK in anticipation for the cold weather. i'm also looking forward to seeing the holiday-packers who'll be freezing their asses off with me there. for the first time though, i'm bringing only one pair of shoes. my trusty adidas sneakers. this is why i love adidas - their stuff doesn't break down after a year, not like another shoe brand i don't really want to mention. These shoes have gone to hell and back with me. During the most walk-worthy trips, it has survived intense muck, mud and mush. and it still doesn't look more than a year old. I'm only bringing one pair because i intend to buy a new pair of sneaks, adidas or pumas.
here's a question...do i bring shades to hk? hmm...i'm not sure i'm going to see much of the sun there. or it wouldn't be that bright in any case. i'm definitely bringing my trusty baby payong though. it fits in my messenger bag and i always get caught in the rain while walking around.
i'm really excited to leave for a bit of detachment and separation. not that i have anything to run away from here. it just gives me an excuse to let go of demands and responsibilities for a few days. i've actually been in one of my better dispositions during the christmas week, especially after that depressing slump i had after my birthday. i think all the reunions with friends that were planned (not by me) for the holidays really helped me remember that i AM a lucky duck. quack quack!
by the way, i think the best song on the new INXS album is the one written by their new vocalist, JD Fortune called Pretty Vegas. I guess they needed him more than he needed them. hehe.
afterglow by inxs |
posted by maldita @ 6:39 AM
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| Sunday, December 25, 2005 |
| these are the days. |
i was thinking what i could say about today...
but figured there's only one statement to sum it up:
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!
These are the days
These are days you’ll remember
Never before and never since, I promise
Will the whole world be warm as this
And as you feel it,
You’ll know it’s true
That you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you
Are touched by something
That will grow and bloom in you
these are the days by 10,000 maniacs |
| posted by maldita @ 7:46 AM
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| Friday, December 23, 2005 |
| dancin' in the moonlight |
everybodys feeling warm and bright
its such a fine and natural sight...
we like our fun and we never fight
you cant dance and stay uptight
its a supernatural delight...
we get in on most every night
and when that moon is big and bright...
everybody's dancing in the moonlight!
i don't think i've greeted this many people a merry christmas in the past years...security guards, people sending you a smile as you walk by, the bathroom attendant...maybe because i've been feeling really good about the season. when the weather changed i really felt christmas in the air - but it's dwindled over the month and has now become just a steady contentment. no hassles, no stress...just a simple fuzzy feeling of joy.
pixies! pixies! and more pixies to come!
dancing in the moonlight by toploader |
| posted by maldita @ 2:48 AM
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| Sunday, December 18, 2005 |
| trouble sleeping. |
i've always had a difficult time sleeping before midnight. More so this month. And these recent seven days i've had very short dreams, most of which are disturbing enough to jolt me awake. There are words that embed themselves in my memory - like the other night i dreamt of a big gross blob monster named kasabian which i had to clean. It's like that scene from Miyazaki's Spirited Away. His name stuck though i had never heard it before. The next day i was watching the movie on the Manson Family and Linda Kasabian was mentioned as one of its members. It's little things like this from my dreams that follow me into the next day. Unexplicable intuitive spurts.
But last night it was even more difficult to get any sleep. as soon as i had finished watching every bearable movie on cinemax, hbo, hallmark and what not, i figured a few tennis games on my mobile phone would exhaust my eyes and mind enough to drift off.
After just one game (i've already reached the third tournament) I felt i just wasn't up to it anymore and shut off the light. Then all of a sudden i heard a very angry man outside my window. Screaming every possible filipino curse at the top of his lungs. i went outside to the common area which enables me to look over the big solid blue gate that divides our village from the bar strip outside. I could just make out this guy who kept getting into his car, looks like he's about to drive away but then stops and comes back, goes out to shout again and this goes on like some instant replay gone haywire. Sometimes he would attempt to strike someone but of course there are his friends trying to stop him also. It just looked like your typical bar-brawl-at-(insert name of latest new place that opened). Guys should really see themselves from the onlooker's point of view. At their attempts to show their (supposedly) strong capabilities, they actually just look ridiculous. arms flailing. voices getting louder as if this would increase his height and build ten-fold. More admirable is the man who can handle a tense situation calmly. Histrionics isn't needed to be firm.
Just when i think it's over and i can go back to my feeble attempts at slumber, i hear him shout again, pounce again, get held back again...yeeesh. Please end. It's already 4am and with this stupid car alarm that has been ringing on the some stupid asshole's car since 2am...can they just go home? If this wasn't enough, we have to put up with the blaring music coming from Fiama, the pathetic singer in the other place next door wailing off key - weed or weedout yooo...and yoo geeeb mayselp awaaaaay...- not even a double dose of melatonin can put you out of your misery.
Aah i hear motorcyles and the Village/Barangay security guards have arrived. past 4am and from my bed i finally hear a woman's voice. Muffled, but i can just decipher that she's narrating the whole story. Either a woman is enough to pacify this stupid (and did i mention noisy?) display of machismo or it gives the guy even more reason to show more. Heaven forbid his girl sees him back off easily. When all the hullaballoo has finally died down, all the Fiama and Luce patrons have gone home...i can finally have some peace. Oh man...the sun has started to come up. And i stayed home to get some well-needed rest? ay punyeta!
trouble sleeping by the perishers |
| posted by maldita @ 4:06 AM
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| Monday, December 12, 2005 |
| baby, it's cold outside. |
dagnabit! i've been trying to keep warm for the past few days. My ass freezes easily and since I smoke, i'm more susceptible to the flu. Wouldn't you know it...i got the sniffles. Grrr...
I'm trying to get better before simbang gabi starts on friday or else i will be strapped to the bed for the next seven days!
So yesterday my head was really heavy. Checked my first-aid kit for some medicine and only had my ever-trusty Dayquil which hits me hard like a bullet to the brain. The dose is supposedly two but just one makes me high enough to hallucinate. So I took one capsule, lay in bed and proceeded to play the tennis game on my mobile phone. After about ten minutes, I found myself giddy, with blurred vision. Ok, guess that's it. no more functioning motor skills. So I tried to sleep, all while my head was dancing a ditty. That was at around 10pm.
Woke up today at about 4am. still with a stuffy nose, dry throat and a throbbing headache. aaaaargh! @#$%*! need to get christmas shopping done! need...to...drive...to...mall...gar. plop. Zzzzzz...
baby it's cold outside by vanessa williams |
| posted by maldita @ 8:59 PM
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| Sunday, December 11, 2005 |
| ghost of a good thing. |
We're haunted by our ghosts...some still visibly present, others just a memory.it sucks to have an efficient recollection of times past. arg.
don't you wish you had the powers to acquire the concept of a spotless mind?
Anyway, check out pictures of last friday here. I still haven't recovered...from all that alcohol!
ghost of a good thing by dashboard confessional |
| posted by maldita @ 4:18 AM
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| Thursday, December 08, 2005 |
| hands clean. |
yes, i actually read the Trump Blog...he has some interesting words most of the time. Anyway, he posted about Nick and Jessica's split and spoke about the responsibility and consideration that a prenup offers, unromanticism aside.
I've always thought a prenup is not necessarily a bad thing. It may seem pessimistic initially but it is basically protection for both parties. Sure, it may seem as if you're already foreseeing the possibility of the end of the marriage but if you think that it's strong enough as it is, what's a piece of paper going to matter? I'm sure tons of people have their opinions about it and even my point of view can propose opposing arguments as well but overall, i just don't think it's harmful to have one.
I think that romance and the ever encompassing "till death do us part" is a promise you make in a church. That's your wedding. That's a promise to God and to yourselves. But then we also end up signing some legal document that binds us...the prenup is simply an addendum to that right? why sign a legal document in the first place? because we know that there is another world we live in...where we need a piece of paper to justify our commitment to one another. So if anything should happen to this parchment of partnership, the prenup pacifies any postmortem dispute. doncha just love alliteration? hehe.
Better to just live together for a few years before getting married. but that's another long debate...
hands clean by alanis morisette |
| posted by maldita @ 9:24 AM
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| Wednesday, December 07, 2005 |
| (and I'm feeling) so much better. |
After all the food had come and gone...
AIM Reunion Dinner @ Itallianis Dec.5, 2005
i almost flaked on the dinner with my old batchmates. I usually miss out on all the reunions since we graduated because i found it better to have smaller dinners with only my closest friends...but there are some who i had also started to miss hanging out with. I was also apprehensive having to answer all the "where are you working?" questions...but i'm SO glad i didn't miss out this time. Although it was a monday night it was a great turnout and I got to catch up with everyone. Sometimes you don't realize that you miss people until your next encounter. The table unintentionally had all the girls sandwiches by the boys so we had enough airspace for chattering the night away. And it didn't even stop there. after we had paid for the bill and the others had gone home, we still continued our blabber and bannter at the nearby Figaro. So basically the night ended at around midnight. And yeah, i feel so MUCH better remembering i had great friends like these.
(and i'm feeling) so much better by Edwin Moses |
| posted by maldita @ 10:39 PM
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| Sunday, December 04, 2005 |
| send it up. |
some days are much better than others...
highlights include...
Enjoying Honey Mustard Chicken for dinner with Mariel and Jesus
Catching so many bands like Sound, Anggulo, Urbandub, Velcro, and The Dawn all in one evening
Got to meet and chat with Gian Romano, have always admired his work
You can find more pics of Friday night here.
It was a good evening...i'm just really exhausted now though.
Hope the times get better as the nights get colder.
send it up by vertical horizon |
| posted by maldita @ 6:44 AM
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| Thursday, December 01, 2005 |
| walk on me. |
my brother once pointed out that i am a compulsive planner. it used to be years ahead, as with a career choice. Then i attempted to plan only months at a time, such as with a vacation trip. Then whittle it down to a week, for weekend parties or gigs. Finally i've relegated myself to plan a day at a time - but even THAT seems too much to ask nowadays.
I always enjoyed the control. The order...But now I can't. I just can't tolerate the disappointment anymore.
Maybe it's because of fear. That it won't push through. No one appreciates your effort. Murphy's law, and it's been happening way too often in the recent three months. It's insane how pissed I get when people ask me to plan an evening and then whine after. Or worse, ignore it completely. (probably waiting for their recent boy for his own plans before coordinating theirs. girls know this is true...the reactive and not active decision making process. so irritating isn't it?)
I abhor being predictable but actually relished being dependable. I think i've given up on that also. Go call someone else to save you from a night of boredom. What's the point of being relied on when you can't depend on others at your own time of need anyway.
So I stopped planning. Sometimes you just want to be the one invited.
Geez. got a lot of bitch posts lately. imagine those that I stopped myself from publishing.
walk on me by ben kweller |
| posted by maldita @ 10:21 PM
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| flake. |
after a long hiatus, well only about three weeks...i played tennis again today. and my body is killing me! serves me right...last week i was griping about how i had only eaten salads for lunch, dinner or snacks and yet i still managed to put on extra pounds. I guess it's true what they say that when you stop exercising, the weight just melts back on. or does the muscle sag into fat? i don't really know. i'm not one to turn into those boring health nuts who speak of nothing but their theories and studies on the matter. Kind of like pop psychology right? (hint: Tom Cruise and his ever increasing superiority complex) They read one book and all of a sudden they're masters on the subject. Oh so you say you read that's why you know all these things? well i learned to read years ago! hahahaha!
but enough of that...i've decided to stay home tonight. I wanted to stand up French boy for the second time but decided to put up with it because i had promised Anna I would. As if God answered my prayers, he got a high fever (i didn't ask for that, i swear!) hehehe oh thankyouthankyouthankyou. I guess i'm really not that interested as i had thought. Actually it hit me when i got home from a night out with the girls. Yes, he's gorgeous. But maybe I'm guilty of being swayed by his good looks. Better to have made that realization as early as possible. What i mistook for sarcastic, witty one-liners is most likely just a lack of thought. I would call it social skill. One would consider that he may not have been that interested to begin with but then again he called me from the airport as well as arranged for dinners/drinks the past two days. At least i didn't flake on dinner last night. oh well. I don't know if it's evidence yet again of pickiness that everyone accuses me of. But i really can't feign interest when i'm not. And after you get access to that aesthetically appealing smile from across the room, maintaining the attraction is left up to the 100 billion neurons lodged inside your brain.
I once told a friend that I find a guy hot if I like him. This pertains to the rapport, humor and what not. All of a sudden that little grin is looking better. All his little details start becoming unbelievably irresistible. Some other girls on the other hand like a guy because he's hot. hmmm...I guess to each his/her own.
flake by jack johnson |
| posted by maldita @ 2:06 AM
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