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| Sunday, February 27, 2005 |
| urban beat |
you gotta love Urbandub! We caught them last week playing at sixunderground in c.palanca...opening act were Helen and Sound. So good, i had to get the cd. paging music one, tower and O! stock up on more albums!
they're playing again in Capones this wednesday. see ya there! |
posted by maldita @ 9:23 PM
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| Easy like Sunday Morning |
Loneliness has its perplexity. I feel it most during Sunday afternoons when everyone prefers to keep to themselves and catch up on respite. And this past seven days have been juxtaposed with sociable solitude. The first two weeks on the job I had been at a peak level of performance but recently my altitude has been a whirlwind rollercoaster. Chalk it up to too much thought on certain feelings and unexplainable situations with several people. It should all be so simple…and to the outside eye peeking in, my dilemmas are good ones to have. But not for me. And as a side-effect, my physical being feels beaten up by a whisk.
Ironically, all my friends who have called me up in have cited a skip in my step. One mentioned that my spunk had returned. I said it must be my joy on the job. At another point, I had just answered a phone call with a “hi” and my friend on the other line said “hey! You sound really happy! What’s new?”…Apparently there is some pasture of delight I exude unconsciously.
But I can’t rationalize it. I can tell you stories of my adventures and encounters for every single day of the week but you won’t comprehend my private chaos. I know I am blessed and have every reason to be happy and trust me, I am. Except for a particular aspect that I had - up until last weekend - put on the back burner. This could just be the fear that it will all be taken away like the drought. Someone will fly away. Someone will detach. Someone will scurry away in fear of staid situations. This perhaps could be the reason for my chock-full schedule of interaction but is still fused with seclusion.
I cannot elucidate my grounds for wanting to spend so much time with this particular guy when he asks me to. I never expect nor commit to any fixation. The motivation evades me but I know well enough that I’m not in a position to foretell my future or fatality so as to be paralyzed in angst. Although evidently, limbo leaves me forlorn.
My madness rears its unsightly head once again.
I know it sounds funny but I just can't stand the pain
Girl I'm leaving you tomorrow
Seems to me girl you know I've done all I can
You see I begged, stole and I borrowed
Yeah, That's why I'm easy
I'm easy like Sunday morning
I wanna be high, so high
I wanna be free to know the things I do are right
I wanna be free
Just me, oh baby
That's why I'm easy
I'm easy like Sunday morning
That's why I'm easy
I'm easy like Sunday morning
- "I'm Easy" by Lionel Richie |
| posted by maldita @ 7:13 PM
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| Wednesday, February 23, 2005 |
| Boulevard of Broken Dreams |
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
- by Green Day |
| posted by maldita @ 12:09 AM
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| Sunday, February 20, 2005 |
| open your eyes. |
I think my body is going to collapse soon. I was supposed to go out with the girls last friday and yet i ended up passed out after dinner. Not even five phone calls were enough to jolt me out of my dreams. But it helped me get up the next day at around 8:30am. My body clock has adjusted to my work days already.
I had the time to get my errands done in the morning of saturday...and as usual, end up at the office to finish more work. But i hadn't been there for two hours yet when my whole system just started giving me warning signals. I had to get home asap before i collapse. I do recall telling God amidst my physical trauma - please get me out of this hell! Then like a miracle, at around 8pm i was better. So i jumped in the shower, got dressed and drove off to Ina's birthday party. My parents were really apprehensive of letting me go out and drive in my condition and so was i but what the hell. Cecile gave me such a pep talk, i was raring to socialize.
Thank the heavens for intuition. It was so nice to see Ina, Andre, Cecile, Jay and I also got to meet some really awesome guys at the party. I thought i'd run out of words but they just kept flowin baby! it's nice when you find similarly interesting people to converse with. Of course it helped that Garch and Kevin are actually visiting from San Francisco. Notice that if you talk to someone for hours and always have to think of something to say, it gets immensely tiring? ugh. I think it was Rob who told me that the best date or friend to hang with is when you don't have to think of the next topic, it just flows on its own.
Jay also had a nice thought to impart. I told my stories and said I'm glad that the guys i've been hanging out with recently have been of the "nice guy" persuasion. See, my guess was that something was different about me that made me attract these kinds of people instead of the wolves and dogs. He said, maybe what changed was that i had decided to give these kinds of guys the time of day whereas before i had only ignored them. Hmmm...possible. All i know is at this point in time, I'm just glad to spend time with the "teddy bears" for dinner, lunch or a movie. Ok, maybe one drink for the road. But the nights out partying are focused on my friends. There isn't any major rationale behind my decision for the separation of state but i want to keep it that way anyway. |
| posted by maldita @ 7:18 PM
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| Saturday, February 19, 2005 |
| wake me from my slumber. |
let me tell you a story. a white civic drives into our dead-end street. realizing he went the wrong way, attempted to make a u-turn. But anyone who's been at my house knows that is almost impossible (both sides have parked cars). But he tries anyway. Bump. Hits my brother's car. Panics. Accelerates and almost hits mine.Then speeds off as fast as he can so my security guard can't catch him. (who was probably sleeping anyway but had still seen the car hit and run - thanks to the alarm) Luckily our neighbors had guests who were out for a smoke and saw the whole thing. Dad does his incredible hulk impersonation. Mom calls the village guards to block the car from getting out. Sis is repeatedly asking questions. As soon as i got the context of the story, i calmly go to my brother's room to tell him what happened. "don't freak out, but someone just hit your car"....to which he replied "Really? it's ok." and slowly walks downstairs to take a look. Does not even flinch. I think he's been disensitized since his big car accident.
And over the past few days...something funny happened between my hours of work and slumber. My appetite for affection has been aroused. All thanks to the attention that i have been receiving from some particular people (only close friends know the specifics of what i'm talking about). What makes me all giddy and delighted is the fact that I am still myself - not some stupid blithering idiot carefully selecting my words. It helps to have that sense of comfort - mostly due to the easy-to-be-with disposition of the guy sitting across you. Dreary or drab does not connote depth...so to those who fit THAT description, give it a rest. I have perfect examples of guys with the appeal of cheery teddy bears that you should take a cue from. I thought that days when girls were treated like ladies were long gone. my faith has been restored in the values of men or rather the existence of gentlemen. But maybe kudos go to their moms for raising them right. hehe. |
| posted by maldita @ 4:36 AM
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| Thursday, February 17, 2005 |
| delicious? wow. and i'm hungry. |
Horoscope Update...
Quickie: See where the currents take you, but don't lose sight of the shore.
Overview: Talk about getting lucky! This kind of luck has absolutely nothing to do with the everyday, however. Fortune will smile on you, especially when it comes to making close connections with delicious new friends.
Don't you just love it when your horoscope gets it juuuuust right? ok fine - snicker all you want skeptical ones but I'm going to enjoy it. And also because i think it was very apt in its description of the earlier part of the week.
I haven't had time to write more lyrical entries but I have the best excuse...i'm currently enjoying my very-thrilling-and-stressful job. I know it will just be for these first few weeks (or month) to get adjusted and keep up with the fast pace of developments but thank the heavens for my so-called "fast learner" quality. hehe.
It's been an amazing few weeks. I've walked through tons of mall space jumping from one outlet to another. Oh before i forget - GATEWAY MALL IS SO AWESOME!!! But back to our regular programming. Being in this new industry, a very unexpected job position and having this level of responsibility has really jolted my system into developing a kind of adaptability and drive. I barely have the energy to do anything but plop into bed as soon as i get home from work (that would be around 9pm bedtime for me!) recently, nevertheless I can say these days are when I've felt i've accomplished more than ever before.
Am i rambling on again? Sorry about that. This copy sucks. But just to have something to post on a daily basis amidst managing all these spreadsheets and service levels...it will have to do. Till i find more time to eat, drink and be merry... |
| posted by maldita @ 3:38 AM
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| Monday, February 14, 2005 |
| i only sound bitter... |
ok let me state a fact: i never liked valentines day. I think it is the most pressured and un-enjoyable holiday. I thought in my earlier years that it was simply because i had no one to share it with romantically. Then i had boyfriends who...just left me very disappointed. It's not entirely their fault. This occasion just has too much damn pressure to do something special when all you will encounter are hours stuck in traffic or waiting for your order to come because the waitstaff cannot handle the number of tables. How many of you with partners have felt frustrated because your whole office knows you are in a relationship but didn't receive anything? looozah! sucks doesn't it?
BUT i think my dad - probably the least romantic and least expressive man in my life - has the day summed up better than most. Like i already said, he says he doesn't want to feign romance. It's just too fake and my mom has known this before she married him and through the next (almost) thirty years after. He thinks that valentines is basically about LOVE not romance. And the people he loves the most are us: The whole family. So we celebrate it together. Makes more sense to me!
So tonight we all have a date for a scrumptuous steak dinner, watching cartoon network and taunting each other with shallow jokes...at home.
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| posted by maldita @ 1:42 AM
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| Thursday, February 10, 2005 |
| In loving memory... |
| Pedro, our family's pet myna bird died today. We will miss his greetings and meows (he could mimic our voices, stray cats and even our doorbell). He was a part of our family. Lived in two of our houses weve stayed in over the past 17 years. All these departures are really taking their toll on me. |
| posted by maldita @ 5:21 PM
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| Tuesday, February 08, 2005 |
| workin' hard for the money... |
i wish i had the time to write everything that has been happening in my life lately. It's been an exciting few weeks with many ups and downs. I barely have time to do anything but have dinner and sleep when i get home. I also barely have the strength to go out on weekends. But overall it's a happy kind of tired.
You know the feeling when you meet a guy and there isn't that major spark of being smitten but there is a sense of comfort? And you can't wait to see him again, just so you can do more things together. And every meeting does not dissapoint with more reasons to laugh, think and learn. THAT's what i feel about my job now. I'm comfortable because of the family-type of environment. Imagine you had about twenty or so sisters with different personalities and that best describes my daily dose of work. I guess you can consider me one of the lucky ones who loves her job and her company. I've only been here a few weeks and of course everyone has their quirks but it's part of what you love about them.
I got an email (you've all gotten them, i'm sure) that talks about what's in store for the new chinese year. Here's mine that's right on the money. (i know that's the second time i mentioned the word "money" but trust me, i don't have it yet. haha!)
Scorpio in 2005 - Transmutation
Scorpio, you can still expect changes - perhaps major ones - in your life this year, almost to the point of total transformation. While this is most apparent in the area of your career, you'll see it showing up in other important aspects of your life. Your life might take on an entirely new direction you've never dreamed of. You may also change your residence during the year. Whether you start the year as a single person looking for a partner, or you've been married for many years, happiness in love does lie ahead. Be prepared for new horizons. They may not be familiar, but they will be fascinating. Don't cling to the banks; instead, flow with the tide in 2005.
To quote a bastard from my past...i may be turning into the person i want to be. At a very hurried pace. I never thought i'd be transforming into this certain type of girl but i see it as an improvement, in all aspects of that word.
And it was hilarious listening to my dad's stories last night. He told me that he had met with several companies or headhunting firms who are all kind of kicking themselves in the ass for ignoring me or not placing me faster. bwahahaha! aaah i always always believe in karma.
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| posted by maldita @ 10:03 PM
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| Sunday, February 06, 2005 |
| sad. |
i promise to write a more introspective post regarding the melancholy mood i've had since hearing of two deaths this weekend. It can be expected to be a difficult time for the bereaved family but i also realized that no matter how little contact you have had with someone, it is not an indication of quality. My family and i had to visit two chapel rooms this morning and it was certainly not easy to go through them without tears swelling in my sockets.
The montage of pictures I saw helped me know her just a little better...and short as her life may have been, it was full of delightful days and hilarious moments. So many questions unanswered, but instead of exhasperation or frustration distracting me from comforting others, it would be better to celebrate their lives and loves.
It goes to show that even a simple hello and smile can touch another's life.
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| posted by maldita @ 7:40 AM
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| Friday, February 04, 2005 |
| You never know. |
I cant fathom this news of a certain someone passing. I saw her every sunday and admired her sweet and simple
disposition.she was a part of my familys weekly tradition and i dont know how this could have happened. It could have been averted, it wasn't an accident or anything. I may not have known her very well but i cry now...and i miss her already.
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| posted by maldita @ 11:15 AM
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