| Wednesday, November 30, 2005 |
| God put a smile on your face. |
Anyone ever notice that faces inside church during a mass are the most glum? It's really ironic. Try it sometime...
Inside mass - you look around and catch someone's eye. so you smile, not a psychotic one, just a little hint of a grin. and they frown back or just stare you down. It's a church people! amazing to think that we're all there to say a little prayer or two and yet we never take the time to be nice and friendly.
You're coming from communion...and since the place is crowded, you kinda nudge your way back to your spot. You say excuse me and they look at you as if you were a lunatic. oh and sometimes they even move out of the way.
Inside a bar - you look around and catch someone's eye. so you smile, not a psychotic one, just a little hinto of a grin. and they return it with another smile reassuring you that everything is good in the evening.
You're coming from the bathroom...and since the place is crowded, you kinda nudge your way back to your spot. You say excuse me and they look at you, smile and say "oh sorry" and move out of the way.
Don't you think there's something wrong with these pictures????
God Put A Smile on Your Face by Coldplay |
posted by maldita @ 2:05 AM
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| Monday, November 28, 2005 |
| sunrays and saturdays. |
I think the other less popular albums of vertical horizon are sweeter. While I was organizing my MP3s (prep for when i upload them to the playah - of course i have all the albums correct and the album art attached!) I found this one song:
Sunrays and Saturdays
Perfect starry nights
Sweet dreams and moonbeams
And a love that's warm and bright
Sunrays and Saturdays
Friendship strong and true
Oceans of blue and a room with a view
To live the life you choose
We'll get to know ourselves again
And we'll heal our hearts
It's not that we're bad together
We're just better off apart
but before you think this is some sappy song that will squeeze your heart into some shattered glass...download the song and listen first. it's actually not. i think it's more acceptance and that's always a good thing.
I haven't had the time to write anything other than posts about songs but that's all i've really had the strength for recently. Not to mention Christmas shopping spree has started already.
Sunrays and Saturdays by Vertical Horizon |
| posted by maldita @ 12:44 AM
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| Friday, November 25, 2005 |
| friendship |
time and money.
one is sensitive and the other is free.
but both are easy to control
given the effort of responsibility
or priority.
i hate crying about the bullshit every single fucking day.
don't know if i'm sad, angry, hurt or just being damn overly sensitive.
i thought it would all go away but i guess not.
friendship by tenacious d |
| posted by maldita @ 1:15 AM
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| Thursday, November 24, 2005 |
| would if i could. |
from the first lady of bass...
For today I'm lost without you
Forgot the way to be without you
Yeah you know I would stay alone
Yes i would if I could stay alone
But for today I'm lost without you
I need a way to be without you
Need a way to find just a few of you
Yeah you know I would stay alone
Yes I would if I could stay at home
Don't you know I would if I could
Remember the day I was lost without you
I found a friend who laughs just like you
Yes I would stay alone
Yes I would if I could
Would If I Could by Auf Der Maur |
| posted by maldita @ 2:53 AM
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| Wednesday, November 23, 2005 |
| irresistible you. |
only a month or so until i get my new boyfriend/baby gadget. And what always comes with the purchase of a new toy are...more new accessories!
since everyone is complaining about the nano screen having so many problems, i guess i really need to get this immediately after.
there's also the waterproof otterbox case. i know there are all these attractive leather cases, like the green sutton one but i'd rather think of safety over aesthetics. oh the shopping potential is just so overwhelming! i can't wait...
irresistible you by bobby darin |
| posted by maldita @ 9:01 AM
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| Tuesday, November 22, 2005 |
| under the bridge |
I drive on her streets
'Cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills
'Cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie
I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way
Under The Bridge by Red Hot Chili Peppers |
| posted by maldita @ 6:44 AM
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| Monday, November 21, 2005 |
| all blues. |
stanley clarke
reliving a childhood fantasy of the days and nights of molly dodd. she was a witty woman in her mid-thirties. living in the upper west side of manhattan, where she feels content reading a book with the sun hitting her window. and of course, with jazz providing the quiet lull and luxury. she was only armed with a parapetetic resume and an artistic temperament.
geez. i just realized that even way back in the eighties i wanted to end up with a musician. molly was married to a sax player.
so now you'll find me sitting on the floor...reading my books and warped in the world of john coltrane, miles davis, duke ellington, stanley clarke, dizzy gillespie and ray brown.
all blues by miles davis |
| posted by maldita @ 5:53 AM
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| Friday, November 18, 2005 |
| cigarettes will kill you. |
i feel terrible. i had to miss my friend Mariel's birthday celebration tonight because of yet another onslaught of physical weakness. I've recently felt like a rag doll made of broken or damaged parts and it takes a beating every single day.
i should do something about my health. i've contemplated the whole need-to-quit scenario in my head but i still lack the commitment. not a bout of wheezing, coughing or disturbed sleep is enough to make me take that leap. it really sucks. wish i had more willpower. to all those thinking of smoking...as much as you think we're enjoying it - it IS a bane on our existence. because it really is hard to forsake that puff and huff. don't even start.
i dreaded to hear it but a friend has already started enumerating my debilitating afflictions and has noticed that i always get attacks of some sort each month. Let me name a few of my conditions:
(Mild) Mitral Valve Prolapse and an Ulcer
and three more which i won't elaborate on...
bring this all together with my perpetual sick-in-the-head disease (i call it so because it can be acquired from other people close to you) and you have a very unstable individual indeed. But i think you can already pinpoint that from reading my past entries.
cigarettes will kill you by ben lee |
| posted by maldita @ 9:45 AM
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| my hero. |
i'm back on! for the past several days i've been suffering from internet and laptop withdrawal because it crashed on me and had to give it to frank to fix.
i'd been meaning to back-up all my files before reformatting but this stupid glitch beat me to it...so i left it to frank to nuke. woopee! it really is great to have this squeaky clean pc to work with again.
as i said early this afternoon - nothing can make or break your mood like a gadget can...sounds wierd but geeks like me would understand. i don't want to ever imagine a day without any of my little toys.
again, thanks to frank, my adopted brother and erik, my real brother for being the best helpdesk/tech support on this planet. my heroes!
my hero by foo fighters |
| posted by maldita @ 1:04 AM
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| Sunday, November 13, 2005 |
| deadweight. |
i don't have the energy to vent about my particular issues... it's as if this big emotional soap opera is playing itself inside my head and i've just been trying to ignore it using alcohol, cough medicine...oh whatever the hell i can get my hands on.
i don't even know who to discuss it with. i've run through my phonebook list of friends to see who i could call but i don't think anyone could understand, especially since i don't want to have to explain the whole situation. with every gut-wrenching detail. i just don't know what to do anymore.
On a highway unpaved going my way
you're so alone today
like a ghost town I've found
there's no relief, no salt in the sea
is it true what they say
you can't behave
you gamble your soul away
measuring your dreams of this life seems
like the gristle of loneliness
don't let the sun catch ya crying
don't let the sun catch ya crying
Like an nice age nice days
on your way sipping the golden dregs
on a rip tide freaks ride
sleep inside a parasite's appetite
oh say can't ya see the chemistry
the parasites, the cleanup fee
death leather hands recycled cans
get well cards to the hostage vans
don't let the sun catch ya crying
don't let the sun catch ya crying
You're a deadweight right straight
on your way sunk in the midnight shade
skies burn eyes turn
learning to counterfeit their disease
in this town where we roam
we bluff our souls on canteen patios
drink the greatest draft
the music drags the music drags the music drags...
don't let the sun catch ya crying
don't let the sun catch ya crying
deadweight by beck |
| posted by maldita @ 3:55 AM
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| Saturday, November 12, 2005 |
| a good friend is always around. |
Smug Marrieds -- Former Singletons whose first question to current Singletons is "Why aren't you married yet?"; also referred to as "smug, prematurely aging, narrow-minded morons" by ranting feminist friend of Bridget's.
i'm basically in an irritated mood. it pisses me off when i think about how some people just totally forget their friends just because they're in some fucking new relationship. and yet when they're on the rocks themselves and they begin their efforts to have friends' company all the time, they have the gall to call you a flaker if you can't make it.
i totally understand the demands of time...a relationship needs a lot of nurturing as well. i've been through them, i can also remember how your mindset changes. but we still need to be conscious and think that there are these people - friends - who were there when you were at your lowest, most depressed state. and never left. and now you will forget them just like that? all because you and the love of your life have found each other?
some insensitive pricks just don't realize that they take friends for granted. i mean, we've all heard the usual girlfriend rant to her significant other that he's guilty of this blah blah blah. well you know what, friends also suffer from the same thing. and the sin is committed by both men and women.
i just don't want to be there for these foul-weather people anymore. i'd rather surround myself with those who want to enjoy the good times with me and not just because there's no one else around.
no matter what you do...things just can't be the same as they were before. what a thought to wake up to.
A Good Friend is Always Around by American Analog Set |
| posted by maldita @ 12:38 AM
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| walk away. |
so many of us are in limbo now. confused and immobilized by our fears. and the only thing consoling us is that we aren't alone in our states of frustration.
With so many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one?
But you put the happy in my ness, you put the good times into my fun.
And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes - sometimes,
you just have to walk away - walk away and head for the door.
We've tried the goodbye so many days.
We walk in the same direction so that we could never stray.
They say if you love somebody than you have got to set them free,
but I would rather be locked to you than live in this pain and misery.
They say time will make all this go away,
but it's time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays.
And once again that rising sun is droppin' on down
And once again, you my friend, are nowhere to be found.
Walk Away by Ben Harper |
| posted by maldita @ 10:24 PM
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| Wednesday, November 09, 2005 |
| fortunate fool. |
...yes i am! i love my friends for all showing up and making my birthday rock the capones casbah!
i need not elaborate as to the evening's festivities starting 11pm last night...oh wait, it started at 7pm...because everyone was there already anyway! it all pretty much died down around 7am today...and left me with this whole day hungover and deliciously content. what a way to welcome a date of birth!
again thanks to everyone for sending their warm wishes - either in person or through the airwaves - even from as far as new york, jersey and vancouver. this year i'm glad i celebrated as opposed to last year's sabbatical. mmmmmmwwwwwaaaaaaaaah!
now let the pictures speak for themselves...
click the pic to get more of the part-ey!
fortunate fool by jack johnson |
| posted by maldita @ 7:59 AM
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| Monday, November 07, 2005 |
| tuesday afternoon. |
i still can't seem to get out of my reclusive rut from last week. i can't spend more than a few hours with friends without wanting to disappear. i'm tired all the time. i just want to stay home and sleep but when i do, i'm bored as hell. it's difficult to mix laziness and boredom together in the same soul.
i liked the deserted halloween weekend. some people threw "left behind" parties, others just had dvd marathons in their rooms. most often, i found myself walking through a quiet mall and ended up sharing a drink with mariel. i like starting and ending evenings early. it just makes more sense and leaves more strength for the next day. or so i think. on one of those evenings, mariel, cynthia and i had dinner in bollywood (my dinner consisting of a rum coke and cigarettes) - we discussed men (what did you expect?) but it wasn't the whole men-are-scum-for-breaking-our-hearts conversation. it was a hilarious one about how we can't seem to survive without them. and we came up with this play of words regarding what men are good for...
Dining out
Drinks
Driving
Dick.
tadaaaah! i'm sure we can come up with more but that last one just left us rolling in laughter till we finished off at Cena as soon as Alistair joined us. We tried to come up with a set of words for what women were good for but couldn't come up with anything much...all the words just came out boring and cheesy. men are more fun.heehee. and we love them.
Going back to a previous post where i said "with friends like these...who needs a boyfriend?" Well, my mom saw that post to which she replied that none of them could give her a grandchild. pffffft! and as usual, i had a ready retort. ok mom, why don't i sleep with all my sweet good-looking friends and then bahala na who actually gets me pregnant? it will be God's little secret. hahahahaha! that just left us cracking up at the absurdity of the suggestion.
I actually think my buds are what developed my picky mentality. they always want me around. they miss me when i'm gone. they would walk several meters out of their way to make sure i got to my car safe. they would pay double at the car park booth and instruct the attendant to let me go for free. they would treat me out to lunch or dinner even if they aren't obliged to. they would keep a peripheral vision of my handbag since i'm too sloshed to notice if someone stole it. they would volunteer to come over and fix my bass or my internet if i had any problems. they offer to hold any package i have in my hands. they want their families to meet and spend time with me. they always have time for me when i'm venting out in a desperate or depressed mood (and by the next day, all is forgotten and as always, i am better anyway). they know how to keep things light when need be. they don't overanalyze or judge me. they leave me alone when i want solace.
they continuously surprise me with ways to show me that i am a lady who deserves to be treated that way. and ironically, not all the men i've dated shows as much. i've got my standards pegged on so high that no one i've gone out with or committed to has shown as much.
dang it. i'm going to be 29 years old in a few hours.
i'm still drugged out on cough medicine. still figuring out my budget for tonight's festivities. still not sure what to wear. still fat. still not sure it will be a happy birthday. still not sure who would remember. still waiting for tito rolly to come over for today's bass lesson. still miss having my movie-fix every week. still feel displaced in my own little world.
Tuesday Afternoon by Moody Blues |
| posted by maldita @ 8:56 PM
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| Friday, November 04, 2005 |
| i must soon quit the scene. |
for months, probably a year already, i've done nothing but yearn for something other than this temporary life.
and then there are days where you get to spend a quiet afternoon with friends. over steak and mashed potatoes. soaking up the sunlight while consuming ice-cold sangria on a lounge-y afternoon.
thanks to jv for hosting a relaxing day. and to my friends who i can rely on for security. one where i could leave my cares at the door and feel comfortable. appreciated. welcome. just what i needed in these times of doubt.
I Must Soon Quit The Scene by American Analog Set |
| posted by maldita @ 11:18 PM
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| Tuesday, November 01, 2005 |
| insomnia. |
see what happens when you can't sleep, can't figure out what to do and then end up watching an old dvd that your good friend sadrina gave you, starring ben affleck and the always-entertaining-wit of jason lee...and now i've got to post the simultaneously self-depracating , pathetic AND self-absorbed speech that Holden gave in the drama-enfused rain - and suprisingly enough, he does get the girl. just not in the way you think.
I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this way before, and I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know... I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. All I ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.
this is something you wish some friend you've always had a crush on would say. but not the ones who you feel absolu-fucking-lutely no attraction for whatsoever. scary shit, man.
Oh and just googled Jason Mewes (aka Jay of Jay-and-Silent Bob) and he is hot without the hat! lookie-lookie...1 2 3 4
Insomnia by Faithless |
| posted by maldita @ 6:09 AM
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