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| Wednesday, June 29, 2005 |
| You took me for a ride once. |
'Do you wanna run away together?' I would say it was your best line ever.
Too bad I fell for it...
And I walked along, waiting for you to come along.
Take my tortured heart by the hand.
And write me off. You forced me to become strong. And I just cried, being weak.
And you think you know. And I would like to think so,
But do you know that when you go, I fall apart.
I'm tired of hiding behind these lying eyes,
I'm tired of this smile that even I don't recognize.
Do you know I cry?
Do you know I die?
Do you know I cry?
And it's not the good kind...
No, you're not the good kind. - "The Good Kind" by The Wreckers (Michelle Branch and Jessica Harp)
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posted by maldita @ 2:42 AM
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| Saturday, June 25, 2005 |
| rarity makes it special |
So last thursday night i decided to go out. Last minute. I was busy at the office as usual. Preparing for our Cebu counter opening and still finalizing details for the recent Gateway counter and relocation of Rockwell one. Sadrina had just texted me to ask if we could have dinner. I think her schedule was getting just as bad as mine because we kept nudgin it from 7pm to 8pm to 9pm. Even if it was raining buckets, we still managed to grab some lamb and alcohol at Mati. I like hanging out there lately - more than cramped bars where you can barely hear each other talk anymore. But after chatting and giggling about our little adventures and quirks - got a message from hans if we were going to Mati. then got a message from debbie. then a message from jay. ok, ok. we deliberated enough and decided to hop skip over to the most-likely-smoke-ridden-packed bar. And of course we got there only to inch our way to a table near the band - Overtone!
wheee! buy-one-take-one apple martinis! gulp. gulp. puff. puff. gulp. hug debbie. gulp. puff. puff. laugh. hug sadrina. my girls are the sweetest .
but i was getting tired. body couldn't function long enough. Just wanted to wait for hans then leave in a bit. Hadn't seen him since he left for Europe AND we hadn't talked in a while due to the stooopid ban of yahoo messenger at the office. grrrr. yay he's here! wooppeeee! big bear hug for my buddy! wow, you'd think it had been several months. but i guess no one can make me laugh like him. if only he was here when i was going through shit (that would be about a week ago), i might have been easier to bear. I hope those pics that Caco took come out ok. Or else I'm going to edit my face out again!
So friday was rest day. and lots of shopping. Mango was like a a lion-infested human pit. ok that sounded like a wierd metaphor. But it really was like a feeding frenzy. Even when the store opened this morning at 10am. But i got a lot more stuff from other places so that was even better.
So now another choice to make - do i go out tonight to watch Sanctuary and Nino/Miks at Capones? or do i just fester here at home curled up with my dvds? This rain and thunder isn't helping AT ALL. |
| posted by maldita @ 5:56 AM
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| Saturday, June 18, 2005 |
| it's been a year |
It's been a year since I got back to Manila from SF. When was it...July 7, i think. It's been a year since I last saw/heard from the @#$%. But I unexplainably have not become too jaded despite their hurtful words and intentions. I have no desire to ever talk of what happened or why it all happened. I haven't been in any serious relationships but have been seriously smitten with some guys. Anything seems better than false pretenses.
Thinking about thinking of you
Summertime think it was June
Yeah think it was June
Laying back, head on the grass
Children grown having some laughs
Yeah having some laughs.
Drinking back, drinking for two
Drinking with you
And drinking was new
Sleeping in the back of my car
We never went far
Needed to go far
Wake up cold coffee and juice
Remembering you
What happened to you?
I wonder if we’ll meet again
Talk about us instead
Talk about why did it end
Made me feel like the one
Made me feel like the one
Made me feel like the one
Made me feel like the one
The one
I don’t know where we are going now
I don’t know where we are going now
So take a look at me now
- "Dakota" by Stereophonics |
| posted by maldita @ 10:05 AM
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| Friday, June 17, 2005 |
| for what reason... |
let's see...
made several mistakes in planning. worked through the holiday. missed watching a movie with my folks. my boss still seems disappointed in me. one of my crushes is dating my friend. and the biggest blow for me - i hit my car for the first time last monday. and as we all know, holding back my breakdown isn't the best of my abilities.
yesterday topsy made the effort though. he gave me a "me" evening. first we had dinner in my fave resto, Sugi and he said i could finally see a movie again. note: i have not even seen star wars. so forget even asking me about madagascar or batman or mr.&mrs. smith unless you want me to walk out on you. but back to last night. debbie said she would be in yaku and of course i wanted to see her also. so we ditched the movie idea and had coffee in figaro instead, while drowning each other in talks about comics, children's literature, our graduate degree experiences etc. etc. then we went to meet up with the debster. but by the time i got to yaku i was beat though. physically. mentally. emotionally. drained.
i had been walking the whole day, visiting my counters. and although i could let my two little footsies hang on the bar stool, it was bloating up by the minute due to stress and exhaustion. so when i decided to go home, i had to take one step per 5 seconds and in so much pain because of my swollen feet. i won't even tell you guys how it felt driving from yaku to bel-air. i could have had that next accident. don't they come in three's?
so i don't know what kind of jinx i fell on or what the @#$%* i should do about it. believe me, i'm exhausted as hell and have no time to rest until july, i think. unless some new stuff comes up again.
you know how your life is just a series of ups and downs? like a huge revolving circle? well with this kind of down...i sure as hell better get one kick ass upper! |
| posted by maldita @ 2:57 AM
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| Thursday, June 09, 2005 |
| I wanna be sedated |
it's just another day, another episode
of hiding under the world
it's just another ray of merciful hope
i don't expect many more
i'm already insane
i'm already in pain
and if this time you don't rescue me
i won't blame you at all cause you see
i know that i've gone in too deep
for you to risk a fall
i'm already insane
i'm already in pain
i'm already insane
i am dust blown away over the edge
never thought that
i would be the one with the winning hand
so you see it's no blow to my sophistication
that i've gone crazy again
i'm already insane
i'm already in pain
i'm already insane
- "Dust" by Van Hunt |
| posted by maldita @ 5:03 AM
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| Tuesday, June 07, 2005 |
| bye buddy boy... |
to the guy who named my car with an unmentionable acronym. the guy who i spent one of the most amazing afternoons sitting in the car trunk in the middle of a huge green field while watching the kite flyers and frisbee players go by. to the guy who i spent an unexplainably huge amount of time with since february considering we had just met. I guess you just don't know where a new friend will just show up (in this case - ina's birthday party).
I haven't seen you in say about a month or so? due to my solitary confinement and your exciting social escapades. But as I've told you in our most recent conversation - you DID pop into my mind and I DO miss hanging out with you. Just like in the beginning. watching movies, grabbing a drink, catching bands or simply hanging out at your house with booze and buds. I won't ever forget that VERY difficult sunday when you gave me a shoulder to cry on. I really appreciate that and won't forget it.
Ironically, I started playing the CD you made for me in the car this morning. Fate's way of saying I was going to hear from you tonight. And just like the song says - "Girl I'm leaving you tomorrow. Seems to me girl you know I've done all I can. I wanna be free to know the things I do are right, I'm easy like Sunday morning,,," It was easy being friends with you, after just a few animated conversations about SF and the kind of life it brings. And I think you'll always come into my thoughts when I hear a Bob Marley song.
I'll see you in San Francisco next year! i'm already planning the trip. wink wink! take care. mwah! and keep in touch sweetie. |
| posted by maldita @ 8:56 AM
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| past and pending... |
| I’m sick of citing historical references. But when the present lacks significance or spirit, and the future is elusive, you tend to grasp for air. You attempt to resuscitate yourselves with points of similarity. Or subject yourself to mundane chit-chat. I went home early last Wednesday after debbie’s birthday celebration…around 12:45 to be exact. And I got accused of either following a guy home, growing old or simply being a boring twit. I just responded with laughter at the absurdity. Believe what you want. I just can’t find the dignity in getting drunk and making a fool of myself till the sun starts to shine. I used to enjoy it but now it’s just too tiring and difficult. I only came out to be with my good friend on her birthday. Ok fine, I guess I have altered. No more illogical situations I’ve kicked myself over the next morning. I’ve had enough of reckless behavior and I’m settling into my own unmitigated senses. |
| posted by maldita @ 2:45 AM
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