| Saturday, September 23, 2006 |
| perfect. |
i'm tired. when do i get my vacation from it all?
so much disappointment communicated to me from all sides. and no one hears mine.
i'm trying to make ends meet and things work too.
but before anyone calls me a whiner...i'm not complaining. i'm just stating facts in the hopes someone will hear me.
how does spiderman do it? everyone asks.
perfect by guster |
posted by maldita @ 11:31 AM
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| Monday, September 18, 2006 |
| all kinds of time. |
I'm losing my baby again...to the place where my dreams have lived an eternity. no matter what pain i go through, more importantly, he is doing what he needs to do.
and i'm incredibly proud of him.
The clock's running down
The team's losing ground to the opposing defense
The young quarterback waits for the snap
When suddenly it all starts to make sense
He's got all kinds of time
All kinds of time
He takes a step back, he's under attack
But he knows that no one can touch him now
He seems so at ease
A strange inner peace
Is all that he's feeling somehow
He thinks of his mother
He thinks of his bride-to-be
He thinks of his father
His two younger brothers
Gathered around the widescreen TV
He looks to the left, he looks to the right
And there in a golden ray of light
Is his open man
Just as he planned
The whole world is his tonight
all kinds of time by fountains of wayne |
| posted by maldita @ 7:32 AM
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| Sunday, September 10, 2006 |
| buttons |
i haven't been out in a while and honestly i haven't felt the need to get all dolled up and pretty. gone are the days when i had bright skin, rosy cheeks and lined eyes. i can't stand to see pics of me nowadays...
ironic considering where i work...
i hope jesus' pics from cristina's birthday comes out looking better.
need to wake up early and get spruced up. even if its just for work. i'm losing the weight already. gotta even things out.
jb took me shopping last saturday and he got me this wonderful blouse among other things. he also got me some gadgets to go with my busy work days. what would i do without his little sweet gestures.
last weekend i kind of splurged (but it was midnight madness!) and got two pairs of flat shoes from nafnaf. it was 50% off! i couldn't pick between the two colors so i got both. the basics, as always. i'm such a safety sucker. i should be bolder with my choices. like some teal shoes...
i'm already planning my big events on the 19th and the 22nd though. Especially the 19th since its a consumer launch. I think i'll have my makeup done with vicky...she always makes me glow like a goddess!
speaking of...there's this new blush stick from shiseido that's just too wonderful! it's the best shade of pink that i want. of course the stick looks like it's fuschia but not the product. argh! why does it have to cost so much? why? why? sana mom got me that instead of the brownish peachy one last christmas. oh well. reminds me, gotta drop by mac again soon for my bi-annual concealer purchase!
vain, vain me. i wanna be pussycat-doll-hot! dammit.
buttons by pussycat dolls |
| posted by maldita @ 4:34 AM
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| Friday, September 01, 2006 |
| invisible. |
"You say you're beautiful. Don't wait for someone else to say it." - Iman
There are times when you wish you were invisible. At least you have reason for not getting compliments, for not getting noticed, for not feeling like you're beautiful. Especially since it took you more than an hour to get your hair dried, picked the right clothes, shave your legs and put on a face.
I hate it when I see a pretty girl, with white skin, great legs, perfect smile and no tummy. I never used to be like that. I used to feel confident that I am beautiful even if i never lived up to specific types of other men. I'd rather not aspire to be that, i'll just be myself and find someone who will love me just the way i am. sounds like bridget jones, doesn't it.
My mom told me once some time ago that she noticed i had these little spots on my forehead. She said it could be warts. I said, they're so tiny, i don't really care. But it will multiply! she said. and it would look bad that guys won't like it. Jokingly of course, my mom is not that superficial :) to which my response was - well then, i'll just find a husband who will love me - warts and all! deep inside I thought, there might not be a man who does not want his woman to be less than perfect in his eyes...oh well. then i'll just stay single. I don't care. I will not lower my expectations -- OR degrade myself to be less than REAL.
so i lived my life as i should. but now i think with all the things i'm going through, i don't have much self-confidence left inside. To which is no one's fault but myself. How did i allow myself to get affected by others so much?
I even thought: hell, i may not have the perfect body, skin, face or hair but I have a great personality and mind. But even that has been shaken out of my system. I can barely carry a conversation with strangers which was one of my strongest talents. I just lost all energy and motivation to talk to anyone. friends can attest to this. i have become a hermit-rock. who just lives each day as a zombie. Following the schedule. Do what i have to do...but at what expense?
Maybe a day at the parlor would do me good...
frances and i were talking about jealousy the other day. it's main root is insecurity. and she said that if you are really jealous, then you would not have the guts to tell your partner. I told her, i think you would tell your partner if you thought he/she could do something to help you out of it. You don't really need everyone's attention - just theirs. It's enough. and then raffy cracked a joke about how gorgeous she was and we just laughed.
so how do you get your confidence back?
i don't want to wait for someone else to tell me i'm beautiful anymore.
Go ahead
Walk on by
You don't know I'm alive
Maybe one day you'll find
You should open your eyes
Little things adding up
Try so hard not to rush
Giving in, letting go of the world we know
They won't see you
You're the one who looked right through me
Now you're saying that you knew me
When I was invisible
invisible by ashlee simpson |
| posted by maldita @ 7:21 PM
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