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| Sunday, December 31, 2006 |
| ordinary people |
for all those with a broken heart...
never lose hope.
for the real thing can withstand pride, distance, difficulty and personal differences. Then you'll know.
Like this couple here.
click on the pic for a better view
Hope is the only thing that I can aspire for when this new year has already started off really bad. Which means, I don't have it yet. But I wish I could find it. I don't look forward to it at all, scared of what may come. I was more positive last year but when everything you wished for comes true and is taken away...it gets harder to have faith. it was good while it lasted. Some people said that 2006 was the worst year of their lives. well, for me...i think it was the best. the highest ups and the ended with the lowest downs. but it was worth it. to have love for once. and then i woke up from the dream.
Someone once told me in a bout of intense depression to get the knife out of their heart. I guess I know how that feels. But will it hurt even more? When the blood comes oozing out like a pool of acknowledgement and reality?
To everyone who's been reading my blog and says it reeks of negativity, I am sorry. I've used this for venting when I actually have the time to do so. I guess there are just some people who are meant to be alone.
I have this desire to lose all emotion or at least keep it locked away for good. no anger, no sadness. so many questions on what I could have done differently but it falls on deaf ears anyway. what do you do after you've committed your whole heart, soul and future? then what.
My favorite book of all time is the TWO STEP DANCE. I had it in my hands more than ten years ago but it jammed into my soul about what relationships are all about. And the insanity that comes with it. It is like a wake up call for those who speak of their impossibility. Don't know why I never took it upon myself to get my own copy. The perfect gift for anyone contemplating commitment and marriage. If you let each other lead once in a while, you stop fighting and you start dancing.
I don't think I want to write anymore. Some things are just too painful to speak of. Thanks for everything. Signing off for good.
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go...
- Ordinary People by John Legend |
posted by maldita @ 1:44 AM
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| Monday, December 25, 2006 |
| Merry Christmas everybody! |
Hope everyone has happy holidays and lots of warmth from their loved ones this season! |
| posted by maldita @ 7:58 AM
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| Thursday, December 21, 2006 |
| here it goes again |
and thus you find yourselves, listening to my self-pitying worthless rants about how sucky my life is. I never realized how many friends still use this blog as their means to know how i'm doing on a daily basis. Up until I met some of them over the holidays for annual gatherings and they all expressed their worry. Aw. thanks you dear, dear friends.
I haven't written much lately. no time. no energy. unless i'm in a really bad state. and with no one to talk to - i turn to strangers for solace in my written words.
I don't know how it happened that i have become detached to everything and every one. when did this happen? I've made some people feel less of a priority and others even more shunned. But there are those who don't take it against me. they don't take it personally and still want to see me...when I have the time. whenever that is. It's nice to have that unconditional love.
I've been feeling bouts of loneliness at work. More so when I get off it. During the day, I have too much to do and that keeps me from sobbing from the loss of jb's hugs and kisses. and then I go home. And that's when it starts. I could go out and feel rejuvenated again - but honestly, my body is too tired. people need their "me" time also. So i guess its really a self-infliction, isn't it?
i think my lack of proverbial eloquence or declamations in this blog is due to the fact that I do have a difficult job. and it takes all of that gray matter to function and manage it on a daily basis. you wouldn't believe the pressure and the scope of responsibility. I've blown a fuse a few times. but not yet my whole top.
all in all, i'm feeling more accomplished lately. I've resolved to make this a better notch on my belt and i need to succeed if i want to respect myself for the rest of my years. don't you feel that sometimes? it's not for anyone else but for yourself. I think i deserve that. and i know i gotta work really hard for it.
I bumped into two important people in my career recently: kathy and rj. will all due respect for the rest - they were THE best managers that i've had to work with. I look up to them so much and continue to inspire me to do better. After telling them of my status now, they are equally proud and i'm happy I can tell them that they were instrumental in it.
Inspiration comes in all forms. whether its a kind word of comfort or by example. I'm sure there are many others. but none, for me anyway, seems more effective than showing others it is all possible.
by the way, I think december 2006 has been a bad month for couples everywhere. i've heard of three friends' marriages having crumbled. I hope the number doesn't increase.
here it goes again by ok go |
| posted by maldita @ 8:13 PM
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