| Tuesday, October 31, 2006 |
| daylight savings |
There's just so much that happens in a day. Next thing you know, boom...it's 530pm already. Talk about a quick pace. I was just telling frances that if not for this really efficient team, a lot of things would fall out of whack. The girls are smart and unbelievably resilient that they can really succeed wherever their directions take them. I hope they know that my appreciation for them, though small in little email forms is still very much meant.
my best guide is rj. he really took care of me and developed me through years. I sometimes still go to him to ask for advice on how to tackle a problem or what would he do in my place. We had lunch just last week where we gathered stories about the different jobs and juggernauts. I told him how i'm also lucky, not just for the team but to have a boss who i know i can rely on for those deep mucky mud. it's very different, yeah but nonetheless fulfilling to be in a place so bustling and busy. where every move is a mountain. |
posted by maldita @ 11:29 PM
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| Sunday, October 22, 2006 |
| sleeping with the lights on. |
here i am waiting for my baby to either wake up, finish twosies, finish breakfast or whatever else he might be doing while he's idle on ym.
haven't been sleeping well since jb left. i jolt myself awake for no reason and find it hard to go back into slumber. This is all considering i'm both emotionally and physically tired. My whole body has been aching from being pushed beyond its limits. The past month i've been to singapore, cebu and tagaytay - all for work. So no, i didn't enjoy a minute of it. I took first flights out just to come back to his arms. i wanted to squeeze all the time i could possibly find before he got on his own plane.
its hard not to break into tears. the thought of not seeing his face, holding his hand or talking to him everyday. it doesn't help that you will not find a single positive perspective on the discussion of distanced relationships. I get teased a lot. I get a lot of comfort from great friends (thanks frank, aimee, norby, jay, martin, frances, anna) even just a message to check up on me or reassuring me that i'm strong enough to do this.
today was not one of my better ones. I refused to get out of bed. when i did, i refused to go out of my room. when i did, i slumped on the chair watching dvd's till the sun went down. I've lost reasons.
but i've already listed down every single thing I could possibly do to keep from cascading down a steep slope:
1. work work work
2. clean my room
3. start playing the bass again
4. have coffee/dinner/movie with friends
5. watch all the dvds i had just bought
6. repair clothes i had long ignored (yes, i know how to use a sewing machine)
7. play tennis on the weekend
8. read comics
gone are the days when i would go out and get drunk to forget. I just don't have a penchant for it anymore. I guess i grew out of it. I had enough stories and memories for numerous tellings to come.
these are just a few I can think of. Actually they should already be enough to keep me preoccupied and panic-stricken so i won't have time to stop, sit and sob.
and i'm doing this all for him. because he asked me to be strong. and i am.trying.
special thanks goes out to everyone who gave communication suggestions - 3G, chikka, skype, vonage...um what else? feel free to give me more! :)
sleeping with the lights on by teitur |
| posted by maldita @ 7:32 AM
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| Sunday, October 01, 2006 |
| one fine day. |
it's a painful process. separation.
even with bigger problems and issues on the surface - typhoons, trauma, death - it is still impossible to rise above your own anguish.
i spent a quality weekend with my baby. having had to compress several years worth of experiences...all in less than a month. i am a juggler and a liar. a circus act of wills. i sacrifice and risk it all...to get the lesser of regrets.
only chunky rice understands these feelings.
if only i could stop time and just enjoy a tension free three weeks. reading comic books while lying on his lap. with a periodic kiss on the cheek or forehead. i could do that forever. i want to throw everything else away for those last moments. but at what expense?
everyone says to trust. have faith. and pray that the universe helps us find our way together again.
i'm working on it. all or nothing.
One fine day, youll look at me
And you will know our love was, meant to be
One fine day, youre gonna want me for your girl
The arms I long for, will open wide
And youll be proud to have me, right by your side...
Ill keep waiting, and, someday darling
Youll come to me when you want to settle down
One fine day, well meet once more
one fine day by natalie merchant |
| posted by maldita @ 8:43 AM
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