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| Wednesday, March 29, 2006 |
| i'll back you up. |
I have a new nickname…honeydude. Funny isn’t it? At first I wasn’t so comfortable hearing it. I felt like a gay man in a networking site or something. And then it turns out that it isn’t as original as we thought it was. Some guy on myspace uses that a nickname. But in any case, it seems appropriate. How many times have I been referred to as one of the boys? And I only reserve my sweet side to those who I care about, all others get the bitch persona. So it is a mix of contradictory denotation. Or opposites. But the implication I like to think about more is that he considers me as both a partner and as a friend. Thus reveals the honey side and the “duuuuuuude”. I think that’s special and worth revering. The fact that you can keep each other warm within the intense chill of the airconditioner’s humming (and we all know that an airconditioner is a necessity these past few days) and also enjoy the midsummer sun laughing while poking fun at each other and just want to be ridiculous. I like the uniqueness of the name. But I will always prefer “dreamgirl” in reference to the Dave Matthews’ song.
Life is serious. We get shaken up by reality so hard that we often forget to laugh. Or to release. The past year has been quite strenuous to say the least. Yes, I did not have a steady job to call my own but that’s not the only sources of tension in one’s life. I was confused. Watching everything fall in to place for other people but myself. Insecurity building up as more and more rejections came my way. Nothing fit. Nothing was meant for me. So I just sat there, drowning my tears in alcohol while everyone else was laughing around me. I tried not to talk about it. I let it fester inside until my ulcer redeveloped itself like the debilitating disease that it is. Forgot to eat. Forgot to smile. I just downed my next drink over the music that would capture my mood.
But I say this all in the past tense. It was the year 2005 where I got thrown into the flames and came out fleshless. Vulnerable and sensitive. Painful. (Yes, I watched V for Vendetta also) But now there is a different challenge. To recreate the outlay that protects. That which shields me from my own devices. And to start from scratch (ow) is an equally different task. Coupled with more challenges that come by each day, it’s no wonder a lot of people break down each day. For different reasons. For different situations, most of which are beyond our control.
I feel like a baby just learning to stand up. Trying to get the signs within the words. Trying to sense the emotion behind closed doors. Trying to enjoy the experience of understanding and discovering this pristine thing.
I remember thinking I’ll go on forever
only knowing I’ll see you again
But I know
The touch of you is so hard to remember
But like that touch I know no other
And for sure we have danced
In the risk of each other
Would you like to dance around the world with me
I’ll be falling all about my own thing
And I know you're the heaviest weight
When your not here
that’s hung around my head
And your lips burn wild
Thrown from the face of a child
And in your eyes
The seeing of the greatest few
Do what you will, always
Walk where you like, your steps
Do as you please, I’ll back you up.
I remember thinking
Sometimes we walk
Sometimes we run away
But I know
No matter how fast we are running
Somehow we keep up with each other.
i'll back you up by dave matthews band |
posted by maldita @ 8:54 AM
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