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| Saturday, January 21, 2006 |
| the new year. |
ok i'll come clean. i DID have a new year's resolution...it's to keep my opinions to myself as much as possible. i think the beginning of the year i was doing pretty ok but now i think i've developed an ulcer and am now letting out little rampageous spurts of frustration.
but seriously, sometimes doing nothing let's things work out on their own. on their own time. i'm trying to integrate that into my system. it's really a challenge. but i suppose that resolution didn't mean i had to stop caring or feeling any emotion at all. I still get angry. I still disagree with others. I still feel down from time to time. I still feel protective about friends but I don't want to have to tell them what they need to do anymore. Everyone is old enough to be conscious of their every action. Isn't that what we want to be as adults? more responsible for ourselves before we can take care of others. or before we can expect others to be responsible for us.
Off topic: There's a thought that's been haunting me lately. You know how when we were babies, and cried when we wanted something? But if someone left the room, the crying stopped. No audience. It would start again once someone walked in the room. Ideally, since we're not babies anymore, we shouldn't purposely get into an obvious problem to get attention. But do we? I hate crying in public. I find it embarasssing and hate myself in the morning. I'd rather cry behind the enclosed walls of my room. or over the phone with a sympathetic friend who will give me comforting words. But some days you can't help it. Alcohol has a way of increasing your brat level or sensitivity to just about every goddarn thing in your way. I wish I could look back a whole year and say I didn't cry out for attention to feel better about myself. Ban the baby that needs to be coddled all the time! Just pat yourself on the back and realize "that no one ever died from a tantrum". When you have the proper, logical frame of mind - it's easier to see that problems will continue to plague us for as long as we continue to see them as such.
(Howl is stooped on the table and is starting to become covered in a sticky green slime.)
Markle: will he be okay?
Sophie: he'll be fine. No one's ever died from having a tantrum
- from Howl's Moving Castle
the new year by death cab for cutie |
posted by maldita @ 12:11 AM
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