 |
| Tuesday, February 07, 2006 |
| overkill. |
Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it. - Mark Twain
This phrase always rang true for me. It kept me going through so much shit and bile. My understanding of it is that you don't really have courage to begin with. You only acquire courage after you've acted in spite of fear. So no matter how scary one such experience could be, the only way to get courage is to jump, eyes open or not.
Last week I had a nice little chat with Prof. Rao. She wanted to ask how my life was and probably take a break from her Quantitative Analysis paper filled desk of a day. I was in a jolly mood so I had some stories to tell her. About the interviews I recently had to endure the past month. She found lots of laughs in my anecdotes and comments. And then she told me - "I never knew you were such a gutsy person. I used to see you in class and you were as timid as a little mouse. But I realize that outside or in the real world, you are a very brave and confident person. I wish i had seen that more during the two years you were here. But I admire you for having the courage to say your mind." And it hit me again. I suffered while studying for my MBA. I cried and wallowed in self-pity as to the hell I had voluntarily put myself through. But i never gave up. and after I graduated, that's when i felt the courage. I had basically no control of my environment, and i still don't. Any teacher could have failed me. Or like now, a company could just as well kick me in the balls (figuratively) but knowing i gave it my all should leave me with no qualms or regret.
So to whatever damn trauma(s) I considered in the past...I just want to say, fuck it. I'm alive and kicking so you can't harm me anymore. I won't let it.
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Come back another day
I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I'll be alright
It's just overkill
Overkill by Colin Hay |
posted by maldita @ 10:05 PM
 |
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
