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| Friday, September 16, 2005 |
| here tonight. |
How hard is it to go through a break-up? Terrible. And it does not necessarily have to pertain to long-ass ones only. There are some who have been together for only a week and can still constantly crack your heart open for a year.
The best solution I have suggested from experience is to purge. You want them back? You want to call? You want to ambush? You want to cry and go hysterical? Then do it. Get it out of the way. Get it out of your system. I suppose you will be remembered as a psychotic stalker or a deranged jerk or an obsessed former flame but you will never think back and say, what if I did this – would it have made a difference? And it’s the whole ripping off the band-aid solution. Go through the pain. Go through the depression. Friends and family will always understand and still love you despite.
I can’t remember which of my girl friends I was talking to last week about this on an afternoon coffee delight. Apparently I had never mentioned the “stages” to her before. First is denial, then pain (and desperation), then anger then the first steps to the road to recovery. Each stage can vary in time period. This happens. Almost all of the time. Ask anyone. Or deconstruct your past breakups or separation anxieties. But note that the final step I mentioned is the first step to resurgence; it is not an easy stage. It could still be a long process to alleviate fears and rekindle hopes on assembling a new life. One without the past lover in it. Only after this can you welcome someone new. Something new helps though. A new toy, a new gadget, a new car or what have you.
I had to talk through several people through break-ups and bust-ups over the past few weeks. I find it actually distracts me from my own detrimental pipe dream. And I end this week as lector for a beautiful couple’s wedding – Chancy and Pong. I’ve seen them from the start of their relationship. They were still just friends. Who found each other. I even told chancy the first time I met pong “this guy is sooo nice. Has it crossed your mind?” to which she replied, “yeah but I think he just wants to be friends”…and so I said “well don’t let this one go. I’ve seen you go through so many assholes in the past and I still believe friendship is the best start to any good relationship. Oh and he’s cute!” haha. And now they’re married. They have one of the strongest relationships I’ve ever seen. It has surpassed distance and doubt. Really beautiful.
Since I had no choice but to pay attention to every detail in the ceremony (or else I would lose my place), I heard everything that the priest said in his homily. About their story and how things were right from the start. He ended it with a message to the parents to expect that their children will disagree with them sometimes…and that they will always take the side of their spouse. I’ve seen that happen in my own relations and I agree. You don’t stop loving your parents or siblings but you also need to step up as you build your own family.
This is when I realized my parents are great. I guess having my own opinion and the courage to make my own decisions has led them to trust me more. Especially in affairs of heart. Not once did they condemn my perpetually jobless ex-boyfriend for his lack of direction. They knew I had already gone through the deliberation process before deciding to commit to him. The same can’t be said for caring ex-boyfriends prior to him who thought I was licking the bottom of the barrel. I guess they still cared about me that they thought I deserved someone even better than they had been. But now I think my parents are so great. They welcomed that lazy lackey so warmly, even given their very uptight and conservative points of view. As long as he made me happy, it was really my decision to make. And encouraged me to be more responsible and independent.
And it has been my decision to just take things one day...or night at a time. I'm staying here tonight.
Here Tonight by Hale |
posted by maldita @ 11:31 PM
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