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| Friday, May 23, 2003 |
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Sometime during the night, I thought: “maybe I shouldn’t have come tonight.”
Today went to work as usual, then met up with Ozzy for dinner (since he was the only one who could make it from the plan) met up with Chris and we went to watch How To Lose a Guy in 10 days. A pity Ernan couldn’t make it since he had to edit a lot more stuff. Also sad that Alia couldn’t join us since she’s leaving for Cebu at 5am. (hey! She left already!)
Anyway, the movie was really good. Predictable but good. I guess you can’t help but rehash old formulas, especially for romantic comedies, but I think it is up to the actors to give it a differentiation. Here, I think Kate Hudson did a good job. Her quirks and expressions were really hilarious – and especially all the schemes to make this guy dump her. Examples would be: redecorating his place, baby talk, invading boys night, and crying about practically anything.
Let me make one thing clear. Yes, I know I am bitter. Can you blame me? I’m sorry if my words seem to hurt other people but I’m kinda using this blog as a sounding board so please bear with me k?
After hearing about you-know-who, I decided that if he wants to move on then so should I. but not in the same way. I’m not going to go out there and find a replacement just because I’m feeling lonely or insecure or whatever. I’ve had a number of boyfriends already (yes, friends know that info) and I’m not going to add another one just to appease my depression. I probably wouldn’t last long.
Ernan asked me if I hated him. I honestly don’t know. I really shouldn’t. If he doesn’t love me anymore, it’s not his fault. But maybe I hate that he makes me feel this bad. I hate the fact that I loved him so much only to be diminished into something with miniscule value.
I should just stick to movies. I want the story of Sixteen Candles…or Two Weeks Notice…or Notting Hill…or High Fidelity…or Jerry Maguire…I just want that happy ending. Don’t we all?
I was telling ozzy on the way home that I have a short term goal: to have no more tears to cry. I’ve been crying so much it’s a wonder I haven’t been dehydrated. I drink, smoke, cry and go to work. What a life. I don’t eat, don’t sleep.
Thanks, God - for showing me how nice and good these people are. I always knew he was their friend but I wasn’t sure they were mine. I really tried not to bring him up. Or feel affected. Or remember the old times when I’d hang out with them with him. But it’s not easy. Everyone who’s loved and lost knows that no matter how many times it happens to you, you don’t get used to it. I loved him the most. More than anyone in my life before. You usually try to be a better girlfriend each time. You have to improve right? But what I had was still not enough for him. Maybe his new girl can give something I can’t. Alexis tells me to stop comparing myself…how can I not? When he told me to my face that she takes care of him like I did. He told me he thinks he loves her. He told me he *bleep* her. How am I supposed to take it? Smile and bear it? I loved him. If I didn’t care then I could act like I didn’t. But I still do. And it hurts.
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posted by maldita @ 11:11 PM
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