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| Thursday, June 24, 2004 |
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You always choose the ones that hurt you. Choose the ones you can’t quite have. There are shoes that don’t quite fit… - “Pigeon Toes” by Goh Nakamura
There’s this saying that Miks reminded me of last night. He said you don’t choose your partner, they’re the ones who choose you. So much truth in that statement. What can you do about unrequited love? So many novels, such as the one I’m reading now, that speak of this romantic notion and countless movies have made a killing obsessing over it. But in real life, are we just wasting our time?
I’m sure all Americans that possess a television set as well Filipinos in Manila can attest to the promulgation of reality shows. We are fascinated with everyone else’s lives and we don’t even notice that we do the same in the conscious world. How ironic. We give our chosen partner a starring role, after many qualification rounds and auditions. But without realizing that they haven’t done the same for you. Everyone else is more of a priority and you only have a supporting role in their show – something like an extra or background prop. What kills us is the number of times we’ve left productions or get killed off the script and they don’t even notice. Like your presence had never even made any dent in the ratings.
So everyone says I should document my life as a soap opera…what about a reality tv show? Haha. I choose to share through my blog. With a sense of detachment and only a depiction or synopsis as to the insanely fast-paced sequence of emotions. It has its never-ending climaxes, “to be continued” recycle bins, and deleted scenes that I wish had never happened.
At present I have surrendered to wearing my glasses due to exhausted sob sessions. Physically I am tired and so should my heart be. When Harry met Sally they discussed in great length of how men and women can’t be friends. I wonder if that is really true.
But what really is killing me is the disappointment and frustration that my recent main actor was the one who auditioned and expressed his desire to be in my show on the basis of his own interest and aspirations. Only to find him now conveying his indifference and lack of value for my efforts. Why do I even bother?
I was the next to wait in line to be your surrogate valentine. I took a number and I started with nine and ended in letters I couldn’t define. I’m going away so you can be. I’m going away so you can breathe…it brings me to my knees and I will run away reluctantly so think about it. I wish that I could change my face tailoring it more to your taste. And I know you got a lot on your proverbial plate…and I will float away reluctantly so think about it. - “Surrogate Valentine” by Goh Nakamura
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posted by maldita @ 3:34 PM
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