 |
| Saturday, September 13, 2003 |
|
Did i mention earlier that my dad gave me a book (he meant to be funny) called "How to spot a bastard by his star sign"? well, it was right on the dot. Let me give you a sneak preview:
The Scorpio bastard:
You know the story- boy meets girl. boy tortures girl because of a silly of misunderstandings and bec. he enjoys it. girl becomes psychological wreck. boy sweeps girl into his arms and mumbles something about undying love. (he has to sweep her into his arms bec. by this stage the poor woman has completely fallen apart.)
Once a scorpio bastard arrives, well there's nothing a like a spot of good old-fashioned bodice ripping to get things started. Just swoon gracefully into his arms and let him have his way with you. Then have your head examined. The strong silent type is what you should look for when purchasing major appliances. These are desirable attributes in a washing machine, not in a man. And we guarantee you won't enjoy them in Scorpio.
Scorpio will manipulate you into exactly what he wants you to be. Then he'll lose respect for you since you're so easily manipulated. Then he'll start looking around for someone else to manipulate. This is when you should start looking around too - for reputable psychiatric help. because in the midst of torturing you, scorpio will suddenly turn into a model of gentleness and consideration. Don't be fooled. It's just part of the callous game he's playing with your mental and emotional health.
The reason scorpio insipres such obsessive behavior is because he is so obsessive himself - about sex. He thinks about it twice as much as other men, which basically means its on his mind all the time. Which makes him a complete pervert. Which for some strange reason makes women think he's sexy. WHich therefore means he really can't hep having sex with any woman who'll let him.
You can't win. You will never, ever win. Scorpio won't let you. And you can't leave, as he won't let you do that either. All you can do is keep going to therapy and continue to blame yourself. After all, you're the crazy, codependent one with a thing for sadistic bastards.
I chose this sign since I AM a scorpio so i'm wondering whether all that it says is true. Well i think the stuff about mind games is true. Maybe the perversion and all that other shit is just meant for the men. I read all the other signs and i think the best out of all the bastards is Cancer. His only major flaw seems to be his love for his mother. Hey that's tolerable right? hehe. Well i like the sarcastic wit of the authors...who are brit by the way. yeah you can call them bitter brit bitches but the book is good for a few laughs...
ok since i've had two (or is three?) taurean ex-boyfriends lets go there...
The Taurus bastard:
As you stand tall and point to our Mary, Mother of God while waving your diploma in astrophysics, your degree in visual arts, and your masters in biblical communications under his nose, he'll still insist you don't know what you're talking about. As far as Taurus is concerned, you're completely incapable of saying or doing anything yourself. That's where he comes in. Again.
Paradoxically, when he's not running and therefore ruining your life for you, the Taurus bastard is busy being chronically lazy.. When it comes to doing things for himself he won't move unless he has to. If he lives by himself, don't be ecstatic when he invited you over to his place. It'll look like a bomb's hit it, and this may very well be the case if he still lives in that bunker in Berlin. (did you know that Hitler was a Taurus?)
When Taurus has a gripe about something, you will never, ever hear the end of it. On and on and on he'll go (blames everyone but himself) - he got rejected from art school, his mother didn't love him, from the weed he smoked years ago, his German Shepherd got run over (repeat as often as you like for maximum desired effect). |
posted by maldita @ 7:48 PM
 |
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
