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| Monday, September 06, 2004 |
| courage under fire |
what is it about courage. you only get it after you've actually faced your fear. last saturday - without much help from the number of drinks volunteered by gallant men @ Nuvo - i gathered up the nerve to do something i usually don't do. apologize. It wasn't such a biggie. I just felt that if i required honesty from the people i dated then i should also offer the same right? and he was a really nice guy who deserved it. Frankly, i thought i'd bump into him in the next week or so but lo and behold there he was walking by behind a group of guys i was sharing a ciggie with. And so with a nice heartfelt hello, i asked if i could have five minutes - much to the delight and imagination of his supportive buds. If only they knew. And so i apologized if a few months ago i had given him the wrong idea and avoided his calls for the next several weeks - and even escaped more of it when i left the country. See, i usually do that. guys get the hint after the fifth missed call. Coward that i am. And again, to prove my theory right - he said i didn't need to apologize and that i was a good person. Sigh. So nice. And i feel better to get that off my chest.
Now you're thinking - was it a selfish act? for the egotistic need to lessen the guilt? maybe. but way back when hilarious bastard and i bumped into each other in Capones one night - two years after he did the same thing and now it was one marriage and two babies later - it was such a relief to hear his apology and honest-to-goodness rationalization. No bullshit about it. Just a reason that left the wonder and dark imagination i had burdened through two boyfriends after flutter away like laughter. So maybe it was self-seeking act but hey, i might have given him release and relief for the next girl who'll appreciate him better than i did.
And speaking of appreciation...i should do this more often - but i am so grateful to my sources of strength - Ane, Debbie, Cris, Macky, Sarah, Sadrina, Chancy (i'll see you soon in a few months in Vancouver!), Trina, Ed, Chris, Cecile, Claud, Ria, Pia, Sonny...and in SF - Alfie & Sharon, Dimples and Randy (my young-un! i'll always be your OG, dude!)...you guys rock! thanks for the love!
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posted by maldita @ 11:19 AM
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