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| Sunday, March 28, 2004 |
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Stayed stirring and conscious pretty much the whole morning. Have no more emotion left but whatever increments loneliness left behind. I saw the vanilla sky sunrise through the palm-like trees in front of my house. My garden out back really is the best recluse for hermits like me. Lucky you if you’ve been there with me. Aside from the sun peeping out from over the bows and breaks, had my usual pack of cigarettes and…would you believe grapes? Searched for some nibbles in the fridge earlier and staggered to find those little orbs– thank God seedless – which were like fate’s last-ditch efforts to resurrect my lost conscious memory. But still, the feelings were gone. How did they disappear? Lack of truth or wearing of my wills? All I know is, I too am flabbergasted that they drift and never return. Which is why I said only the remnants of seclusion can bring tears to my eyes. Because thoughts of past hopes leave me numb and impassive. Luckily, all remain linked to my life because I never forget good hearts. But romantic notions wither over time pending demise.
you say I only hear what I want to. And you say I talk so all the time. And I thought what I felt was simple and I thought that I don’t belong and now that I am leaving…yeah I missed you. I don’t pay attention to the distance that you’re running…I don’t understand if you really care. Lover is crying because the other won’t stay. You try to tell me that I’m clever…you said that I was naïve and I thought that I was strong. I thought hey I can leave…but I was wrong.- "Stay" by Lisa Loeb
“You’re amazing.” How I dream and dread those words. They could either mean either “wow” or “but…” I was talking to one of my girlfriends one evening and this topic came up. A few of us hear these words often and yet at times we want to slug the sayer of supposed soothes. Here’s my interpretation: “you are so great. You are amazing…but not enough. So there’s this other girl…”
And the soap opera lives on even enduring its low-ratings.
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posted by maldita @ 4:59 PM
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